Tuesday, October 25, 2011

'This is me, by me.'

A favorite quote...
and it means?
Nothing now.

Monday, October 24, 2011

A Nice 'Payback Day'

It's always a great day when you see the results of some hard work.
And I experienced some of that in several different areas yesterday.
First of all, and not MY payback, but that of another set of parents...were the Hicken's.
Their oldest son Christain, had his missionary farewell yesterday. I've known Christain for almost 10 years...since he was 9 years old, and I have watched him grow from a young boy to a very nice and handsome young man. He will be a great missionary; believes what he is teaching, has his own testimony and enough faith to sustain him through the two years he will be away from home. I saw the joy and happiness in the faces of his family and friends and knew he would be supported with much love and encouragement from all of them. He has a strong yet sweet spirit that will reach many hearts and searching souls. I was glad to know we had been a very small part in his life, but more importantly, that he has been an important part in OUR lives as well.
Kylie came to Christains farewell also, with Preston, and this is where our next 'payback' came.
Before Kylie arrived for the meeting, Del had gone out to visit with some other friends in the hall so I was able to see and hold Preston first. I was totally enjoying loving on him when I saw Del enter the back of the chapel. I whispered into Preston's ear, 'Where's grandpa Preston?.' He glanced from person to person until his eyes caught Del's face and then he broke from ear to ear, into the biggest toothy smile you have ever seen. It was payback time. He tried to wiggle out of my arms so I would put him down so he could run to 'papa' but Del arrived by our side before Preston was put down. So Del just scooped Preston into his arms and Preston let out big giggles. It was adorable.
To top of the Sabbath Day, it was our ward Primary Sacrament Meeting Program, where we present a program that includes the messages and songs the children have learned throughout the year. I doubled up on my pain medications for the event as I'm the Primary chorister. I was anxious as to how the children would do as most kids tend to be shy and a little reserved performing in front of their parents. But the children did well...sang the songs with conviction and testimony. They were inspirational to me and I could see how they loved the songs they were singing. It was payback for the months and months of struggling to teach the gospel concepts of each song and how to feel their testimonies grow through music. I was pleased with the results, as were the other members of the Primary board. Later last night, after company had left from dinner, the Primary Presidency came over with a beautiful flower plant and thank you note for my participation in the program. I found it very sweet and kind of them to recognize my efforts...no greater than all of theirs except that mine was done with broken ribs.
So??? A very fulfilling and satisfying day. I feel the Lord was pleased...as was I.
I met with the Bishop after church for a short visit too. It is completed...and I am once again whole. Time to move forward with peace and calm.
My parents called me last night...to thank me for a note I had sent them last week in the mail. Just something short to tell them how much I love them...and miss them. And I do.
I need to express that feeling and emotion a little more often to those around me.
Added to the list of 'things to work on.'

Friday, October 21, 2011

What Was I Thinking!!???

Quote from Forrest Gump..
"Stupid is as stupid does."
I find it...
Simple?
Profound?
Accurate?
Too late.


Another quote I heard today at work from the girls...
made me laugh....
because...
it's means nothing, but everything.
'All bleeding stops eventually.'

Date Night With Preston













Friday Night is date night...and since Kylie had a photo shoot tonight, Preston got to come to our house to have date night with US!!!
Del started the night without me though as I worked later than usual. I got home to find that Preston had already taken Lacey for a walk with Grandpa taking a video of the scene along the way. It was adorable. But Preston was hungry and having a snack when i got home, but as soon as he finished, we packed him up and took him back outside for another walk so grandma would get to see things first hand. There were lots of dogs and kids out playing...and a dog that looked enough like a kitty that it had Preston 'meowing' instead of 'barking' at it. We got a kick out of that. Kylie came home shortly after that and the rest of the evening was spent playing throughout the house....moving the water jugs around, playing peek a boo, talking on the phone, playing fetch with Lacey's rope, tickling contest with grandpa, moving the candlesticks from one place to another, learning how to tell time on grandpa's watch....and finally, the infamous 'kiss goodnight'.
Isn't that how all dates go????

Thursday, October 20, 2011

My First of the Season




I've made these before....lots of times. But it HAS been awhile.
So...practice WILL make perfect.
The 'set up' was great and so was the baking and cooling process.
It was the 'putting together' and 'final presentation' that have much to be desired.
I will be hoping it 'tastes better than it looks' applies in this first attempt.
But I'm betting there won't be too many complaints from those who will have to keep 'eating up my imperfections.'

The Season Changes

Oh My Gosh...
Is that a beautiful picture or what?? And...it's a real place.
Not Texas, mind you, which is probably the first reason I miss living in Utah or Idaho. Because it IS in Utah...in fact, I remember many a morning in Utah waking up to a day that looked like this outside my front or back windows of my house.
Fall...I love this time of year. I love the colors...the smells...the feel of the cold on my face in the early morning...the food, the fires in the fireplace, the aroma of the lit candles, the total ambiance of the autumn season. I love the jeans, boots and sweaters...the hot chocolate or apple cider...the stocking hats and the gloves to keep my hands warm.
I love the hugs and kisses I get from Del and the snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie. I love the warmth of blankets and socks on my feet as I jump into bed at night in between the cold sheets.
I love football season....watching game after game, week after week while eating my bowl of popcorn. I love yelling at the ref's and the quarterback when he throws an interception. I love screaming when BYU wins or the Green Bay Packers. And right now, watching the Rangers play in the World Series. No NBA right now because of a lock out, but I love watching all the sports.
I love it all...
don't you?

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Long Distance Parenting

This child always came with her own little set of blessings and trials.
From very little, geez, even birth, she made the rules and set the boundaries.
And raising her with manners (yeah, you can see how successful THAT was), morals, kindness, charity, love, compassion, God like qualities and everything else she would need to make it in this life as a good adult citizen has had it's challenges....
NOW...add thousands of miles between us and the parenting continues while she's away at college. And the phone calls come at literally all time of the day and night...and early early mornings.
This morning...5:00 a.m. OUR time...meaning 4:00 her time. I knew it was her..just because I'm a mom and I know Kathryn. Her toilet was broken...and she needed to pee. Common sense tells her to call dad to fix it. But obviously she's forgotten dad's thousands of miles away and can't just get out of bed and fix it so she can pee. But she still expected him to. So, I hear Del for the next ten minutes discussing the situation and possible resolutions with Kathryn before he finally gets off the phone with her and gets up and dressed. He's now awake for the day.
It's these kind of things all the time with Kathryn.
She cracks me up...when home, she is able to use her common sense and independent streak that runs through her. But you put space between us and it's like she can no longer function without our opinion, advice or counsel. I wish she were so easy to raise while local...but NO...she has to wait until we AREN'T able to help to ASK for help.
Examples: DRAMA!! Kathryn says she doesn't DO drama...and yet...she finds herself right smack in the middle of it at any given time. Geez, DRAMA is her middle name. Mostly with friends...ie, roommates, girls etc.
Refrigerator broke two weeks ago...what to do??WHAT TO DO??? Well..tell your apartment manager!! Take the food out and try to put it in a neighbors fridge..or Jordan and Lexi's...or...something! But call came to us.
A squirrel bit her finger. Yes, you read that right. I didn't say ALL of Kathryn's calls are unfounded...but I WILL say that each and every phone call supplies me with plenty of information to write another chapter in my hilarious parenting book on 'How to Raise Kathryn'. Kathryn decided to go out and feed this adorable little squirrel in her apartment patio area. Little adorable squirrel decided to take a chunk out of her finger though...and she called and frantically sent pictures to show us all the blood and need for an immediate visit to the campus Student Health Center...for a tetanus shot and bandaging up. I still shake my head in wonder as to how she gets herself in these stories. But she makes me laugh...
This next one is slightly suspicious to me, but it worked for HER! She climbs this big tree in her yard...but can't get back down. (that's the part I question) SOOOO...two really cute guys have to come and help her get down, for which in turn, she makes them yummy brownies to thank them for their kindness...I NEVER SAID SHE WAS STUPID, did I?????
But she is able to get herself in the middle of some situations that I honestly, sit back and ask myself, 'How does she DO that???'
The thing I love the best though is that the thousands of miles between us don't make a difference to her. If she wants to ask me something, she calls...doesn't matter how significant or trivial the question may be, if she wants to talk to me, she calls. If she feels something at a certain time and wants to share it, she calls. If she finds something funny, she calls to share it with me. If she's crying, she calls. If she's laughing, she calls. If she's 'pissed off', she calls. If she's frustrated, she calls. EVERY MOOD..merits a call.
AND I LOVE IT ALL!!!!! She's always been high maintenance..but a maintenance that I have always been willing and wanting to take care of.
I love her...dearly.
So...no matter WHY she calls...or what TIME she calls...we take the call.
She makes me cry...makes me laugh..makes me frustrated...concerned..all of it.
But she also makes it worth it...by being Kathryn; my baby dolly.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Grant's Golden Gems

Okay..I've mentioned the couple in my ward named the McClellan's.
They have a just over 2 yr old son named Grant.
Priceless...adorable...FUNNY!
This child is all the above and more.
We usually sit behind them each Sunday in church and this past Sunday was no different.
I was medicated (ribs) but had taken my meds earlier in the day and could feel some discomfort starting up. Grant was not going to help my cause.
He was talking..about anything and everything. The kid is brilliant...definitely the first child that got a lot of attention. Speaks full sentences with that cute little voice all adorable children have... Grant was explaining to his dad about things going on around them and then church started, so Grant had to fold his arms for the prayer etc. I closed mine too, but unlike Grant, I didn't open mine once the prayer was over. Mine remained closed.
Next thing I hear...'You budder upon yo eyes o you wont be abul to see duh bwed coming'. I opened one eye to see him talking to me, with which he then finished..'no..you half to open bowf yo eyes!!'.
I quickly obeyed.
The sacrament started shortly and I removed my glasses for a moment to rub my eyes, forgetting I was still being watched.
'No no no!!! If you dont half yo gwasses on, you cant see nuffing at all!'
I put my glasses back on.
He was holding a picture of the Salt Lake Temple, so I asked him 'what it was?'
'The tempul...and him's has a hone (horn, as he points to Moroni). Him's gunna put on his cape and fwry down to urph."
It hurt my ribs to laugh but I just couldn't help it. Apparently I wasn't the only one who had thought Grant's comments were adorable cause not only was our church bench shaking from mine and Del's suppressed giggles, but both the rows in front of us and behind us had been enjoying Grant's wonderful tales. And he wasn't finished.
Poor baby had a pretty bad cold and at one point, coughed and sneezed ALL over his mothers arm and hand...(yeah, it was gross). She quietly tried to clean it up without drawing attention to the situation when Grant said to me, 'That was gwoss on my mom's arm and I don't fink she liked it.' With the facial expressions that accompanied his remark, his cuteness just sent us over the edge. Yeah...an open laugh escaped my lips!!! And it hurt!!! But it was SOOOO worth the pain.
After Sacrament meeting, his mother and father apologized over and over for Grant's behavior during church. I begged them to never apologize for their child bringing such joy and humor into another persons life...but told them they owed me something for the pain and asked them to write everything down that he says during these priceless years so they could enjoy it in the years to come.

Grant reminded me of Jordan at that same age. He was just as funny...said the same funny things. I hoped Grant would turn out for them half as good as Jordan had for us.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Texas State Fair 2011
























Preston's first State Fair...and we had a great time...
I was doubled up on my pain meds determined that my broken ribs were not going to keep me from having a fun day with my grandson.
The pictures tell it all...almost.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Accurately Stated

"I MISS THE 'IDEA' OF IT...NOT THE REALITY."

The Attempted Escape of a Little SHIHTzu

This afternoon was busy at work. We had a full schedule without any breaks and we even had a scheduled euthanasia of an 18 yr old cat that would happen in between all the other chaos going on in the schedule.
Earlier this morning, a sweet older man, who had lost his wife a few years earlier and had only his sweet dog Macy left, called to say that Macy had been very sick the past few days and he was upset and wanting her to be seen, if we could. So I had squeezed Macy in between all this other madness...the front door was like a revolving saloon door...So when Macy arrived with her owner, it was chaos and she could sense that she was needing a quick escape.
And so...she took it. Before we could stop her, Macy had snuck out of her leash and collar and was running like a bat out of hell all over our parking lot and grass area. Off went her owner, who in his sorry condition of being partially handicapped, was in no condition to catch Macy. One of our techs, Heather, who is 6 months pregnant, was on her way out the front door to help until it dawned on her face that SHE was in no condition to be chasing after the little white poof that was running around crazily...I thought for a split second that I could be of some assistance until I remembered I had 2 broken ribs and wasn't going to catch anything faster than a turtle. That left Christy and Sarah, who both darted out of the office trying to cut Macy off from going into the very busy street of McDermott. Things did NOT look good.
McDermott is a 6 way BUSY street..3 lanes going each way - at 40 mph. Macy was going to end up a squished puff of smoke. We had one more tech run out to help and then also the owners of two of other patients, but Macy was only wanting to find her owner. But every time Macy got close to her owner and everyone started to close in, she would dart...The panic hit when she ran out into McDermott and ended up in the middle on the medium. I was pleading under my breath 'no no no' as she ran to the other side and down the next block and then I screamed as I saw her running back, knowing she was going to attempt to cross back over McDermott.
It was scary to see all of us paralyzed in our spots, not able to do anything but watch Macy running hard to make it back. Sarah was doing her best to stop traffic one way while Christy was doing her best to stop it the other way, allowing Macy to run to her owner, who had a very difficult time scooping Macy up without tumbling over himself from his handicap.
This happened twice. Oh yes...it wasn't enough drama that Macy crossed McDermott once but she crossed it again.
Yeah...she is a SHIHTzu...with emphasis where you can only imagine.
I can only say that now, as the story finally ended with Macy finding the comfort of her owners arms after a desperate attempt at her escaping her 'doctors visit'.
I know many of us don't like to go to the doctor...but wasn't this going a little too far???
Looking back on the scene and now picturing everything in my head, I giggle seeing all these adults running around frantically trying to catch this little white bullet crossing multiple lanes of traffic...cars coming to screeching halts, traffic backing up as scrubs are dashing in between lanes trying to scoop up this little creature into the safety of secure arms.
It's only funny now. It wasn't funny then and it would not be funny in the future. But it is funny now.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Angels Among Us

I needed to stay home in bed today.
I woke up miserable and in a lot of pain but when I made calls for someone to work for me, no one was able...so off to work I went.
It's now 8:30 p.m. and yes, it was an extremely difficult day at work, to sit and work through the pain. I tried to not complain too much and to hide a lot of my discomfort, but I'm sure my co-worker, Linda, noticed I was hurting. She did carry much of the load today, for which I am very grateful but by 6:15 when we were done with our day, I was dead.
BUT... I realized on my drive home, (which btw, is the thing that hurts the most..driving), I was listening to music and it was making me happy. It was music that should have made me miserable, sad, crying and the whole past 6 month thing all over...But nope, I was enjoying the beauty of the music without the sadness of 'memories'. I was happy.
I got home...ate some left overs and then put together a plate of homemade cookies I had made last night and took them over to a friend who has been a dear angel to me over the past year. She has done so much for me...flowers, chocolate, visits, ice cream, phone calls, more chocolate and more flowers...there has been bubble bath, notes, more chocolate and heartfelt cries with this dear angel and I felt it was time to start some pay - back. And I'm going to start with her. I'm going to start showing more gratitude towards those who have been so kind to me ...by being my friend.
Family, friends, angels...they are all the same to me. And there have been many that I have just accepted their kindnesses without any effort of gratitude..and I just can't do that anymore.
So, to those many angels in my life, it's pay back time.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Keeper for the Recipe Box


Del's new job has him working from home almost 80% of the time while I work OUTside the home now. It's a nice change for us and we both really like it. On my days off, like today, we usually decide to make dinner together and try to make something new and exciting.
This was tonight's new recipe...Zucchini Parmesan...and it was good. We have a nice plate for dinner, take some out for each of us for lunch and then another container goes into the freezer for a night in 2 weeks. This recipe will go into the recipe box with only a few alterations on our part.
Good stuff.

Validated


No, that is not MY actual xray...but I had two taken last night in the ER.
The pain got worse and worse yesterday at work and by the end of the day, I was hurting pretty dang good!!! And I was feeling movement where I had felt the initial crack when I would move certain ways. My biggest fear was that I wasn't going to heal correctly if things weren't lined up like they needed to be. Plus, was I in that much pain over what the ER doctor felt was probably a 'strain' or pulled tendon from the rib cage??? I was feeling a little wimpy...but a lot of pain.
So after work, I went to the ER and had them take some xrays.
Validated!!! Two fractures showed in this xrays.
I was glad...just to know I wasn't a wimp...
I will NEVER...NEVER again bad mouth an athlete who chooses to 'sit one out' due to a broken or cracked rib. Instead, I will accept his/her word on the level of discomfort they feel they can endure without a pain killer injected directly into their inflicted OWIEEEEE!!!!
And if they so feel inclined to go out and play the hero in the last play of the game, they have my total praise and admiration for both their bravery and STUPIDITY!!!!
God Bless for Vicodin!!!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Thanks Girls...

I love my sisters...and daughters.
Elaine has been the best over the past year...and Rebecca WOULD HAVE BEEN if I had let her...but I didn't tell her anything. And then of course, Kylie and Kathryn have been an answer to my prayers.
Every single one of them could have shunned me in shame and disowned me from embarrassment. But nope, they have all been very loving and understanding of my struggles and heartache.
And it's time for me to thank them.
Thank you...for listening when I just needed a listening ear.
Thank you...for not asking questions when I couldn't explain.
Thank you...for not condemning me when I told you what I was comfortable sharing.
Thank you...for crying with me.
Thank you...for not calling me stupid...or wondering 'why' or 'how' I could...
Thank you...for knowing that I would eventually heal and move on.
Thank you...for knowing that I still have my occasional 'tender days' and that it doesn't mean anything more than 'a memory' tugged a heart string that day.
Thank you...for knowing that I did, I do and I always will love my husband.
Thank you...for making me see the humor in a moment when I thought I could only see the pain.
Thank you...for knowing that my past is the past...and trusting me to have the strength to see clearly my future...and that if for any reason whatsoever, things become 'cloudy' once again, that I can turn to any one of you to help clear my blurred vision.

Thank you for a bazillion more things...but, those are the basics.
It's a closed topic of conversation now...both here, in private or public.
But my thank you's will always be there...now and always.
Thanks girls...and I love you.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Help Me Out Here, Adam!!

Ouch ouch ouch!!!!
Del's strong...I've always known that. He's an Idaho farmer boy for heavens sake!!!
But he's stronger than even he or I thought.
This morning when he was giving me, what I thought was a tender hug, he broke one of my ribs on my right side. I heard it, he heard it. I felt it break, he felt it break. I would have screamed if I could have breathed...but I couldn't, so didn't.
So I hurt. Ouch!!
If Adam had a spare rib, I would ask him for it. But he's already given up one....

Lunch with the Nieces




There are babies coming in the near future and so Elaine and I had a nice baby shower lunch with some of the girls. Today's lunch was a baby shower for Julianne that Janene and Elaine planned...and we had such a good time. These girls are adorable and I'm excited to know that I am going to start making a more concerned effort to spend time with them in the future. Julianne is due in 6 weeks and then the other two girls, Janene and Brittney, are due in January. Elaine will be having three grandchildren within a like 5 month period!!! Cool huh? And all are going to be adorable babies...

Friday, October 7, 2011

Then Let's Get Specific

If I'm going to focus on my passions in life....let's get specific.
And honest...no matter how shallow, how worldly, how non spiritual they are or non - eternal...I always feel like I shouldn't mention anything that's not of eternal significance in order for it to be important...but if I am to be honest, I am passionate about some important things to me that have nothing or very little to do with things of eternal nature...
example....
I love sports. I mean...I REALLY love sports; especially BYU sports. I probably shouldn't as much as I do...but truth is, I DO!!! So, it's a passion of mine and I plan on having it be a passion for a very long time. What to do about it??? I'm going to start going to some games...in person...as a fan...in the stadium. So I'm going to plan ahead for next year and my goal is to go to at least 2 BYU games; one here in Texas and one in Utah. Then, I am also going to attend one PRO game...which sport, which team and it which state? To be determined in the near future. Passion!!!
I LOVE music; specifically singing. I love to listen to music, I love to sing, play the piano, dance and breathe music. Going to continue having music be the influence of my moods but being very careful to not allow the music to pull me to places I no longer need to go. I want to sing more...make the CD I've always wanted to make. Play the piano more...
Be healthy and keep my weight off. I've worked hard over the past almost a year to lose almost 40 pounds, at one time. Now, I have gained a few pounds back for only a total of 34 pounds lost...I want to stay slender...healthy...and continue to take care of my body. I want to look and feel younger than I am. Keep my hair longer than usual, stay thin, dress nice and keep make up on. I want to BE and LOOK pretty...attractive.
I'm passionate about my family...Del, Jordan, Lexi, Mike, Kylie, Preston and Kathryn. Those 7 people need to be the most important people in my life. I love them...I adore them...I am passionate about them and us as a family unit. I want us united and close; dependent on each other for everything and anything. I want us to be each others best friends and companions.
I am passionate about the small circle of family and friends that are right outside my inner circle of immediate family. I want those few people to know that I love them and will re-focus my time and efforts towards including them in some of my most passionate memories and desires in my life. They are important to me...they are WORTH my passion and I will make time for them.
Reading is a passion of mine. I started last year with reading a book a month encouraged by a friend of mine that also loves to read. Now that I started the habit, I am loving the time that I set aside from other passions to continue my love of turning the pages of a good book. I want to love every character and plot that I get my hands on plunge into new places and meet new people that I would otherwise not have the chance to meet.

So...I'm starting there....most of these are passions I have always had and always will have. But they have been dead for almost 6 months. I don't want them dead anymore. I want to FEEL them again...feel the passion I have for them again. I want them ALIVE again.
So I start now...living...laughing...loving.
Passionately.

'Passion Angels'

At some point in every persons life, they lose their passion...their passion for life, their passion in their love life, the passion for a hobby, their job, their health...passion for enduring, passion for joy...they just lose all passion.
I've had three of those moments in my life...
The first experience was when I returned home from my mission and had my heart broken. I was devastated and basically had a meltdown. After 6 months of wallowing in my pain and hurt and completely depleted of ALL passion, I had a visit from my first 'passion angel'. She wasn't new to me...in fact, I had known her for awhile and we were good friends, having gone through many ups and downs together over the previous years. But in that moment, she took on a new role in my life; she became my first 'passion angel'.
'Passion Angel' - ?? 'One who gives you a swift kick in the butt when you most need it by telling you that life goes on either with you or without you..and you can curl up and die on the spot? OR YOU CAN MOVE ON CUZ THERE'S NO OTHER CHOICE'.
And so, my passion angel went into action. For her, there WAS only the one option...move on. And so, that meant there was only the one option for me too. She insisted....
A little over a year later, I met and married Del.
My second experience came only a little over 2 years later at the death of my first child, Michael. I crashed and burned. Any and ALL passion I had mustered up from the previous 3 years was lost...gone...swept away with the death of my son. I saw little or no hope.
Enter....my second 'passion angel'.
I had known her since moving to Idaho while pregnant with Michael. She had helped me through the remainder of my pregnancy, the difficult first months after Michael's birth and then during the medically draining years before Michael ultimately passed at Christmastime of 1985. We had become very dear friends.
And it was THAT friend that became my second 'passion angel'.
After 6 months of me just barely surviving day in and day out, she swooped in with her 'passion angel' boots and gave me the swift kick in the butt I was desperately needing to move on. There were no options...no multiple choices...just one thing to do...MOVE ON.
And although really rough going, I was able to do just that...move on.
That was years and years ago.
I haven't needed a 'passion angel' for over 25 years...until recently, when I hit this brick wall.
I've had a rough past year...and it has left me??? Passionless; in all areas of my life. I don't need to re-hash it's memory here as I still think about it every day. Let's just say, I've reached the 6 month mark and have started looking for a 'passion angel' to give me the much needed 'kick in the butt' I have come to expect from said angel.
For Christmas last year, I received a beautiful diamond necklace...that of an angel. It's the one in the picture above. For once, I was someone Else's angel. But it was not to be. In April, when our relationship changed, I returned the gift and began the current downward spiraling course I have been on since. Crash and burn...
Enter...my third and hopefully last, 'passion angel'.
I've known her, literally, since the day I arrived in Texas almost 10 years ago.
We are one and the same person...just different bodies and different husbands.
Thoughts, personalities and souls? The same.
She has seen me over the past year change from a vibrant and passionate woman to a lifeless and passionless shell of a person...until she just wouldn't stand for it any longer.
This week, my third and final 'passion angel' kicked me in the butt.
I needed it...and it hurt.
I've not shared my past year with her, or anyone for that matter...but she has watched and seen me change right in front of her eyes. She finally pulled me aside and 'laid it on the line'...her brutal, yet honest assessment of my life was painful to hear...me, who is usually the life of the party, a joy to be around, fun to spend time with and full of life, was no longer liked by anyone...including myself.
So, my options??? Lay down and die????
Or pick myself up and move on...because I have no other options and I've been left with no other choice.
The picture above has now become my permanent 'Passion Angel'. Although I no longer have it to wear, I will use it as my reminder that I no longer need someone else to give me passion...I can find it in myself. I no longer need someone else to kick me in the butt...I can do that myself. And I no longer need to live a life without passion because I have many years of passion left in me to live.
I can now move on...as my own 'passion angel'.

quote...
Touch a woman's heart, you get her love.
Touch a woman's mind, you get her interest.
Touch a woman's soul and you get passion beyond your wildest dreams.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Breakfast of Champions

This was my breakfast this morning when I finally got out of bed...at 10:32 a.m.
I failed to represent the 'dairy' food group, which was an 8 ounce glass of WHOLE milk to help wash down what I considered a very balanced and much needed break in my current diet.
I had the basics covered...the obvious 2X4 piece of chocolate brownie covered in chocolate frosting, my protein which consisted of a massive spoonful of extra chunky peanut butter which then turned my regular brownie into a 'Reece's Peanut Butter Delightful' protein bar...and then, of course, I had my vitamins and double dose of Prozac.
My bases were covered for the day.

I found the best store ever....
At the beginning of the year I made the resolution that I was going to read a new book every month. I've been able to do that except for the month of April, but after September, I ran out of books that I already had and so was going to need to either go to the library and check some out, or go to Half price Books and get some new one's. So last week, while Del was gone, I went out to Garden Ridge to get some new picture frames for pictures I am going to hang around the house. While walking to the Garden Ridge entrance, I passed another store called 75% off Books and saw these rows and rows of tables stacked with books. I didn't think it would hurt to stop in and just glance through a few of the titles on the tables but I was terribly mistaken. It hurt...and HURT A LOT!!!! The credit card, that is. Two hours and $125 later, I walked out with over 30 books, the most expensive being $5.99. I was a crazy woman!!!! The prices were fantastic and the prices even better. It was almost every title I picked up I put into my cart. I was sooo excited but will still need to tell Del of my 'crazy moment' before the bill comes. That won't be the fun part.
I'm sure glad I cleaned the house spotless last week while Del was gone because I finished the first book today and won't get to house cleaning again for about two more books. I love to read. A nice escape for me and into whatever other world I choose to enter for those next 300 pages. My next book will be a Civil War hardback that jumped out at me calling my name. I'm looking forward to it.
Of course, the reading comes in between NFL and NCAA football games. My team, the Colts, with Austin Collie are 0-4 and will have a losing season this year as their quarterback is out for the season. I'm heartbroken. But my second team, 'The Pack' are currently 4-0 and will most likely have another winning season with hopes of going to the Super Bowl again. In college, I have BYU dragging me on an up and down roller coaster already, only 5 games into the season. But I remain true blue to BYU...always...no matter what.

General Conference was...well...for the first time in 30 years, I watched it alone. Del was in Utah...Kylie was in Utah...I worked in the morning...and..I was feeling...Let's just say, I will be reading the Ensign and hearing the messages for the first time. I did catch a talk here and there, but was not really as dedicated to the watching it LIVE. Kathryn was down in Utah with Del and Kylie and so Del was able to give Kathryn a very special 'father's blessing' that Sunday and she shared part of it with me afterwards. I was grateful for the experience both she and Del had. Del went to Utah to be with his mother and was grateful that while there, she was able to come home from the hospital and he was able to care for her and have some one on one time with her. Kylie was able to take Preston by to see my parents and then to see Shirley and some of his cousins on the Lott side. They had a blast. Kylie, who hates Utah and the weather even mentioned that she might actually be ready to move back to Utah...it was that beautiful. I told her probably 'not yet'...the thought of moving to Utah doesn't bring me anything but ...just not yet.

Today is my daughter in laws birthday. Lexi turns 21. I sent her a message and had Kathryn take her by some flowers and candy at work to let her know we were thinking of her on this special day. Kylie came over yesterday with Preston...child is adorable...brilliant...I hadn't seen him in over a week and he just seemed taller, older, bigger to me. He's starting to talk up a storm and just is sooo happy...and makes everyone around him happy too.

So...life is settling in to...it's settling. Ordering a few family pictures for the walls. Next event will be Thanksgiving and then, of course, Christmas.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually and in every other way...I feel...well? I know I still feel things...but nothing consistently.
"Comfortably Numb" still seems to be the emotion of choice.