A Lott 2 Be Thankful 4

Still Laughing....

2012-01-31T18:01:00.000-08:00

I went to work early this morning, but by 10:00 am, we had no patients and a lot of nothing to do, so our office manager said I could go home.
Lexi was at work and when I came in the kitchen, I could hear that Jordan was in the shower, so i decided to get on the computer here at the kitchen table, which faces the hallway leading back to Jordan's bedroom.
Yes, it happened just like you are imagining it did.
Not knowing that I was home, Jordan came prancing down the hallway...buck naked.
Of course, he screamed...then I laughed ....and haven't really quit laughing since.
Poor Jordan...
I'm not quite sure who needs therapy more...me or Jordan.
Jordan is pretty sure it's him.
I'm pretty sure it's him too.
I found it hilarious.

Simple and Sweet

2012-01-31T17:57:00.000-08:00

'Don't cry because it's over.
Smile because it happened.'

I borrowed this from the face book of a friend that just moved to Utah with her family.
They will be missed by so many they have left behind here...
but I LOVED what she posted.
It touched me...
on so many different levels.

Family Night at Preston's House

2012-01-31T17:40:00.001-08:00

The gang enjoying Del's finest....smoothies.
Do Mike and Kylie REALLY think Preston's going to eat while
watching MULAN???
Preston helping Papa plunge the smoothies!
Our official 'taste tester'....Preston approves.
Preston showing daddy how he helps Papa.
The newlyweds waiting for their smoothies.
Preston sharing with his mama.
One of Prestons many faces.
The adult supervision during bath time.
Rub a dub dub.
Preston watching some basketball with Papa before bed.
Preston trying to keep Uncle Joe and Kylie from fighting.
With his Teddy Bear and blankie, someone's ready
for bed.
Aunt Chica has Papa right where she wants him.

Fun family night over at Mike and Kylie's.
Preston is gabbing a mile a minute. Loves to call Kylie by her first name now as she hears Kathryn say it all through the house.
Of course, spending time with his Papa making smoothies and playing was his favorite part of the night. He was entertaining the whole night...
Then Papa held him and rocked him to sleep.
It was nice.

My Fortune Cookie Reads.....

2012-01-29T19:35:00.001-08:00

I didn't have time to go home for lunch the other day so I went across the street to the little Chinese Restaurant called Pei Wei.
Lunch was short, sweet and to the point....not the best, but not the worst I've ever had.
But I found my fortune cookie interesting...and hopeful.
It read as follows....
'A dream you have will come true'.
It had no expiration date.
In time....in due time.

Oreo Shakes From the South

2012-01-29T18:28:00.000-08:00

I'm not a real Oreo cookie fan...for the exact reason you can see in the pictures.
Lexi started eating an Oreo cookie...and then Jordan said something funny that made her laugh and voila....black teeth.
That, of course, made me crack up, which then showed MY black teeth...and the camera was pulled out.
Mother/Daughter in law from Arkansas!!!
Del and Jordan made Oreo shakes....they were okay...not MY favorite cuz I like a little more chunky. But they were good.

The seed above, started as an asparagus plant Lexi wanted to start. It's actually an avacado seed which she JUST called an 'aguacati' seed....which is CLOSE to how you say it in Spanish...agaucate is the actual word.... The whole day has been like that.
A total confusion of vocabulary, understanding and misunderstanding of everything and anything today.
All of it has made us laugh.

SLACKER!!!!!!

2012-01-29T16:45:00.001-08:00

Okay...
I have been so busy the past three weeks that I have failed to take the time to remember it all.
I haven't taken pictures.
I haven't written anything down.
And I haven't remembered.
And I KNOW there were a few things I should have remembered!!! I NEEDED to remember...and now, I can't.
So, I need to slow up a little.
I need to get back to getting my life prioritized and doing the things that are important to me...
Back to walking....every night....
back to losing weight and keeping it off.
Back to spending time with my family - especially Mike and Kylie. I need to MAKE time to be with them.
Back to taking pictures and writing memories down.
Back to my life...and getting er dun!!!!
I've been a slacker...
No more slackin'!!!!

Asparagus instead of avocado...
Pavarotti instead of paparazzi...

Del being a 'gangsta' at Kylie's house...
Del spraying his drink all out of his mouth on everyone...

Primary kids saying funny things...

One Year Down and Eternity to Go

2012-01-15T17:26:00.001-08:00

I was in Utah a year ago attending their wedding.
Now they sit in my kitchen celebrating their one year anniversary.
Lexi made it a special day by making Jordan some cheesecake and chocolate covered strawberries. We made them a steak dinner and invited all the kids over to share and celebrate, then we sent them to the movies.
They say the first year is the hardest....I would tend to disagree. Every year is hard, but worth it when you put your heart into it.
But it sure makes looking forward to eternity a lot more hopeful when you do it with someone you truly love.
I wish Jordan and Lexi every happiness in the world....and the world to come.

I've Been Jimmered!!!

2012-01-14T21:40:00.001-08:00

Even though the Mavericks KILLED them soundly, it was so great to go and see my hero, Jimmer play tonight. He didn't have his best game...he didn't even have a good game, but he still played, and I got to see him. For most of the game, he was the ONLY white guy on the court, except the referee's. And he WAS white.
Thank you Mike and Kylie for such a wonderful birthday gift.
And thank you Del, my sweetheart, for going with me and allowing me to make a Jimmer fool of myself.
Three cheers for the white guy.
I remain a faithful Jimmer Fredette fan.

'JIMMER' for My Birthday

2012-01-14T08:15:00.000-08:00

Mike and Kylie were the only one's who had not given me a birthday present. I didn't expect one until Kylie mentioned a day after my birthday that they would be giving me my gift later in the week.
That 'later in the week' came last night after I got home from work.
Guess who the Mavericks are playing tonight in Dallas??? Yes, the Sacramento Kings.
Guess who starts for the Kings?
Yes, Jimmer....
GUESS WHO GOT TICKETS TO THE GAME TONIGHT????
Yep....Mike and Kylie gave me tickets to the game tonight to go and see Jimmer play!!!!
So, it will be a double date...Mike and Kylie are going to go with Del and me and I get to go watch Jimmer play some pro basketball. This is sooooo cool. I'm pretty excited...kind of like a teenage school girl..
WHAT WILL I WEAR!!!???

A 'First' at Work

2012-01-14T07:51:00.000-08:00

We have decided to work late on Thursday nights at the office.
It's a new thing that started at the beginning of the year.
We have one doctor, one tech and one receptionist that will stay on Thursday nights and work from 6:00-8:00 to help accommodate those clients that don't get home from work until after 6:00 p.m. I volunteered to be the receptionist so that Linda, the other receptionist didn't have to.
Last Thursday started off pretty well with my dear friend Amy LeBaron and her sweet son bringing a YUMMY Oreo Sonic blast to me at work as a special treat to get my day going. It was a sweet thought but NOT so great for my two pounds I had lost earlier in the week. But I got over that quickly enough.
What was harder to get over was how my day ended.
Max. Max is a sweet sweet golden lab that crawled into the office around 6:30, barely able to keep his sorrowful head up, instinctly knowing how his night was going to end. Because our tech was pregnant, I had to assist in the taking of xrays on Max that revealed a huge large mass of cancer in his belly. The minute it showed up on the xray wall, I groaned. Max was going to be put down. I held him on the xray table and felt how soft he was...and listened to him groan in discomfort. He needed to be put down.
I sat outside the examining room as I heard the dr. explain to the owner what she had found and then listened as the decision was made to put Max to sleep. Poor Max.
I sat at the front desk and waited as the dr. and the tech went into the room and quietly injected the pink juice into Max and then watched as the owner left the room and quietly left the office to go home alone.
I know the procedures that follow a euthanizing. The tech usually has help from another tech to place the body in a black bag, but there were no other tech's there. I knew I was needing to help.
So, I bagged my first dog.
That's what it's called....that's how it's said.
And this is how it feels.....
I cried...the whole time I was lifting Max up to fit the bag around his body, I cried. I tried to be so careful in the lifting of his back end first and then when it came to his upper body, I held his head in my hands and carefully placed it in the bag to make sure it didn't just 'flop' inside.
The tech tied up the bag and I went silently back to my front desk.
I was glad to be alone.
The others at work tell me 'I'll get used to it...after awhile, it won't be as bad'.
I doubt that.
I REALLY doubt that.

The Next New Thing

2012-01-14T07:45:00.000-08:00

It's not really THAT new. Some have been saying it for awhile, but it's MY next new thing.
'Just Sayin'.
Someone says something...gives their opinion about something, tries to put a point across by after expressing their opinion, saying..'just sayin'.
I think it's funny...cool...ok, just funny.
Get it?
I didn't at first either....took me awhile too.
But now, I get it. And I like it.
So, I'll be using it.
Just sayin'.

A Few Kindnesses

2012-01-11T07:02:00.000-08:00

Cards, flowers and gift cards from some special
family and friends.
From Amy LeBaron.....a very special gift from a very special friend.

The cards were pretty cute too. Jordan gave me the cutest homemade card with homemade paper flowers from Lexi. So glad Jordan married into 'creativity, charm and class'. Kathryn brought me the balloon with a gift card on the bottom. The roses were from Sean and Becky with a quite humorous card that said...'When You're Older... 'getting high means your blood sugar and cholesterol'....'getting lucky means finding your car in the parking lot'...'getting action means your fiber kicked in'...'and getting a good piece means you get the very first slice of your birthday cake'. Susan Robb brought a humorous card with a Panera gift card and Panera cookies...little Keeton Hendren brought me a cupcake and adorable homemade card...and Del took me out for dessert to Chili's to have chocolate lava molten cake at the end of the day.
It made for a very special 52nd birthday.

'Shout Hurray!!'

2012-01-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

Birthday wishes from family and friends...gifts from my children, a few friends and my sweet husband made for a special day.
I'm 52 today. I have much to be grateful for and much to look forward to in my future.
It has been nice to be remembered and acknowledged by important people in my life.
I feel loved. And it's nice.

Monday Night is Family Night

2012-01-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

I had a short work day and was done by 3:00, so I came home and with Jordan and Lexi's help, we did up a yummy YUMMY homemade clam chowder, cornbread and peach cobbler dinner for a fun family night get together. And it was GOOD!! Perfect for the cold rainy day we were having and Kathryn, Becky and I had all been sick, so it was great 'comfort' food also.
After dinner, the guys watched the LSU/Alabama championship game while the girls were in for a great story telling session in the kitchen by Kylie. Preston ran all over trying to keep up with both groups in the opposites room and I stayed in the kitchen cleaning up where I had really been from 3:00 on. I didn't mind though. When the whole group is together, I like them to have the chance to intermingle and get to know each other better,
It was a fun night for us all.

Who Is YOUR Look -a -Like??

2012-01-10T08:01:00.001-08:00

Someone 'photo-bombed' these look a likes...Since Sean and
Becky moved here a few years ago, there have been a LOT
of people that have said hoe much Jordan and Sean look a like.
While Grandma Shirley was here last month, she even
thought Sean was Jordan one time. I see the resemblance.
And of course, these two have been mistaken as sisters
more than once too....I see the resemblance here too.

When Lexi married into the family, it finally gave Kathryn
someone SHE actually looked like. These two were mistaken
as sisters several times on our cruise and even asked a few
times if they were twins. A resemblance, but not twins.
In the humor of the situation of linking all our look a likes
in the family, Michael quickly grabbed Lacey and held her
up to his face causing quite a rush of laughter from us all.
He was a good sport to make us all laugh, but I see NO
resemblance AT ALL in this one!!!

Mountain High's and Valley Low's

2012-01-08T18:13:00.000-08:00

There are many many days that I feel strong from the support and love of both family and friends. I feel like I belong to a group of people that love me, understand me and have an eternal place in my life. For the most part, I feel healthy...both physically and spiritually.
But then, I have an occasional day where, it's not that I don't still feel good about myself, BUT, I do notice that I still have a place in my life that is needing more time to heal and feel whole again. I still feel some pain...loss...hurt...emptiness...and sadness.
That place is called...my Valley Low.
Those moments are far and few between now so I'm pretty disappointed in myself when I have one at all. But it just makes me realize that I'm never going to be completely healed from the hole in my heart created this past year.
I just need to figure out a way to get through it better...
I've had a few of those days recently when I have been physically sick and had too much time to think about it. I've had a few dreams too that have upset me and caused a few tears...
Someday, I will know what I was to learn from this whole experience.
Someday, I will know that I am....okay.
That someday just isn't here yet.

One More Year as a Teenager

2012-01-07T19:38:00.000-08:00

Kathryn turned nineTEEN today, making her officially a teenager for another year. But nineteen seems so much older than eighteen that I'm thinking I'll just move her right up to the category of Young Adult in my mind.
She started with a cold the other day and so wasn't actually feeling her best today, but she was very sweet to spend time with her whole family tonight at Maggianos where we had some really good food, and a LOT of it. We are all pretty glad that tomorrow is Fast Sunday.
Del and I gave her cash for her birthday gift...what every teenager or young adult wants, so hopefully she will use it wisely and carefully.
I sure love her. Kathryn has been a very special daughter in my life - one that I feel at many times has been more of a dear friend than a daughter to me. She is so very loved by so many people but no-one more than by me and the rest of her family.
I feel so blessed to have her in my life.
She is beautiful, both inside and out...and I love her very much.
Happy Birthday my baby dolly.

My BFF This Week

2012-01-06T15:26:00.001-08:00

Had a hard time finding my 'happy place' this week with the terrible cold/flu I got a week ago today. Sniffling, coughing, achy, chills, sneezing, fever so I can't rest kind of sick.
So I went to the 'happy store' where a nice man in a white coat gave me a new BFF for my week. I took two. Nice... I took two again. Better... I took two AGAIN. BEST...
And then took two AND watched a BYU basketball game....
Found my 'happy place'.

The 'Candyman' Started THIS Mess

2012-01-06T15:08:00.000-08:00

Del was being stinky ALL night...teasing and trying my patience til I wanted to pop him right in the nose. But, as it goes, he got me first.
Once he decorated my face with chocolate, I extended the courtesy to my sweet daughter in law Lexi, who then got very brave and decided to take on her nicely dressed husband with the chocolate decorating idea.
Not only did the candy turn out great, but so did the memories we have now.
I'm wondering if pretty soon, Lexi is going to start questioning her decision to join our crazy family.

Goldilocks on Her Lunch Break

2012-01-03T16:37:00.001-08:00

So Kathryn started her 2nd job today.
On Tuesday's and Thursday's, she teaches a pre-school class from 8:00 - 12:00 and then has a 3 hour break before she goes to her second job as a gymnastics coach at WOGA, until 9:00 at night. So today, she was tired, and came by our house after her morning job, ate some porridge (lunch) and then crashed for a nap in her 'mama bears' bed.
Appears that Goldilocks is finally getting her wish....
....to be a grown up.
Saturday, she will turn nineTEEN. Officially still a TEENager for one more year, but I think I'm going to see a young teenager becoming a very independent young ADULT over the next year.
I'm so thrilled to have her back in Texas.
Even if it means sneaking a nap or two in her mama's bed.

Preston and Uncle Jordan

2012-01-03T07:46:00.001-08:00

Kylie had a photo shoot the other day, so it was Jordan's turn to babysit Preston.
Lexi captured a few of the more 'priceless' moments for the rest of us to enjoy.
I'm thinking this may be a little more of 'Preston keeping Jordan busy' than the other way around. Preston seems to be a little more in control of the situation than Jordan appears to be, so I'm glad to know Lexi was on the sidelines to step in when needed.
All lived through the photo shoot.

Year 2012 Overview

2012-01-02T18:08:00.001-08:00

Okay...I'm not into astrology or my zodiac 'sign' and all that stuff, but of course, with it being the beginning of a new year, my future was predicted by the astrologers and the 'stars' are telling it all.
Here's what it said:
'The confusion of 2011 is about to lift as clarity returns in 2012. You've no doubt been through a series of powerful metamorphoses since 2010, when Pluto took possession of your stars for the long haul. You're not even a quarter of the way through the 18 yr shedding process that Pluto requires...and yet, you're not the same person you were just a few years ago by any stretch of the imagination. (really?) In some ways, you can expect this year to be a long, dramatic pause. you'll be questioning many aspects of your existence, especially your professional life. Mars, the planet of work and action, will be retrograde for the first quarter of the year in your house of higher learning and travel, putting you in a deeply introspective and philosophical mode. During this time, you'll be less inclined to hit the road than you will be to hit the books.
When the eclipse patterns stir up the winds of change for you again in spring and summer, you'll experience some major epiphanies about the new direction you need to take. The new Moon solar eclipse in your work sector brings a fresh approach to the way you go about your daily routine. And then, the full Moon lunar eclipse of June in your dream sector will bring the muse and vision to inspire you to go beyond the known. The total solar eclipse and new Moon in your goal sector in November is the final push to plant radically new seeds, There's no question that you're leaving your old life behind; it's now just a matter of faithfully emerging into the new.
Love is in the air with generous Jupiter in sister Earth sign Taurus, showering your romantic sector until June. The planet of fortune will provide ample opportunities for you to fall in love with someone new - or simply love the one you're with. Pleasure becomes a key theme for the first half of the year, providing a nice balance to your normal dutiful life.'
I found the following the most interesting....
'Personally, you've been looking forward to 2012, mostly because karmic taskmaster Saturn has been doing a number on your life over the past two plus years. Relationship lessons have been relentless throughout this time. If you haven't made important decisions about where to commit - and where to quit - these are your final months to do so. Don't wait another 30 years to get clear on what you truly want in your relationships.
Change looks good on you - this is the year for coming into your true power by transforming all the dead weight of your past. You've been shedding layers of karma, and now, you're about to reap the wonders of renewal.
World travel beckons in 2012 - so pack your bags.
Find balance in your life.'

Summary???
I may find myself reading my horoscope a little more often, but mostly, I may pull out my patriarchal blessing too and see how it coincides with this 2012 overview.

Really? The Very First Night??

2012-01-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

So, my very first night of the New Year, I dream.
I hate not being able to have control over or power to change my dreams.
Frustrating....VERY frustrating.
But remember Marlys...
....it's just a dream.

My Pledge to 2012

2012-01-01T14:08:00.000-08:00

'There is no moment from my 'yesterdays',
that is worth risking my 'today's' for and
losing my eternity of 'tomorrow's."

So, I put ALL 'yesterday's' in their appropriate past,
live my 'today's' to their fullest opportunity
and look forward to my many many joyful tomorrow's.

New Years Eve 2011

2012-01-01T13:55:00.001-08:00

Del, Jordan, Lexi and I took our drinks over to Mike and Kylie's.
Guess which one is Del's....just guess!!!

Even Preston had a 'bottle'.

Only Mike and Kylie actually had a New Years Eve Party to go to. The rest of us were babysitting little Preston. So we went to their place...played with Preston, fed him dinner and then gave him a bath and put him down to bed when Kathryn got home. So we went ahead and came home where we played some card games and drank our bubbly before going to bed at 11:30. We figured the New Year would come whether we were awake or not...
Goodnight and Goodbye to 2011.

Anything For a Laugh

2011-12-31T14:10:00.001-08:00

We had a 'girls day' at the Mall the other day and of course, we had to bring Preston.
He was the life of the party!!!
Forever 21 was the store of choice as the girls exchanged sweaters and scarfs and I tried on Preston, a variety of hats I thought he would like....all girl hats.
And just as I thought, he makes an adorable girl!!!!

After Tomorrow

2011-12-30T17:34:00.000-08:00

Just one more day and this year will come to a close.
I have typed, erased and typed again my thoughts of this past year...
Nothing seems to be right when I write my jumbled thoughts.
Nothing says it like it happened.
No words are accurate to the memories.
I have tried....over and over again to put into words this year of 2011.
But I can't. I don't want to anymore.
It no longer...matters.
After tomorrow, it will be over.
Forever.
Thank God.

Thirty Years Later, I Said 'Yes' Again

2011-12-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

My initial engagement/wedding ring was stolen in 2001 while we were living in Utah. I was devastated, for several reasons. One, it was gorgeous and one of a kind; had been designed just for me. Second, it was expensive...about $4000. So it was quite disappointing to have it stolen in Utah while we were at church.
The next year, for our 20th anniversary, Del bought me another ring and gave it to me for Christmas in my stocking. It was also designed just for me...a half carat sitting over a band of smaller diamonds in a channel ring. It was beautiful.
The ring has been sitting in my dresser drawer since April as the diamond has been loose and the smaller diamonds have been collapsing in the channel. I've been sad not to wear it.
As I mentioned in my Christmas post, Del made me and each of the girls jewelry boxes for Christmas. Over the past 4 weeks, he has spent endless hours out in the garage building and making our gifts...and I have looked forward with great anticipation to the surprise I knew would be ours Christmas Day. Del brought in 4 boxes and placed one in front of each of us girls.
Of course, we each opened the boxes and 'ooh'd and ahh'd' over the beauty of each box but mine was the only one that held a special gift inside.
You can see the pictures. My box held a new wedding ring and anniversary band. I was stunned. The jeweler had taken the large diamond off my previous ring, smoothed down the sides and re-secured the smaller diamonds in the channel, dipped it in white gold, making a completely new anniversary band. Then, he had taken the large diamond and placed it in a completely new wedding set.
You can see the results.
I cried.
I love Del; I truly do. I don't deserve him or his kindness and love, but I love him. And he loves me. We've had a difficult year but one that I have promised him is in the past and will never be in our lives again. I have committed my heart and love to him again, for eternity. I feel so blessed that he has accepted this commitment from me.
I would marry him all over again...so I accepted the new wedding ring with a resounding 'YES' and gave him a kiss to seal the memory.
I am so blessed.

Christmas Day 2011

2011-12-28T18:21:00.000-08:00

Christmas Day fell on Sunday this year...and it was perfect.
We had church at 1:00 where we had a beautiful choir/musical Christmas program and I enjoyed singing in the choir and leading the Primary children in their performance also. It was nice to remember the birth of our Savior on the Sabbath Day and to give honor and praise to Him who's birthday we celebrated.
After church, we gathered here at our home for the opening of gifts. it was all about Preston really...as it should be. Del and I gave him a red wagon and it was the hit of the day. He was in and out of that wagon the rest of the afternoon and pulled it everywhere he went. He also got blocks and a shopping cart, plus shoes, cowboy boots, snow boots and slippers. It was so fun to watch his face.
All the girls got sweaters and scarfs..body sprays, lotions, facial and hair accessories and fun stuff. The boys got shirts and Cd's - gift cards and I gave Del a really nice camp stove. From Del and me, we gave each of the kids a first aid kit, electric blanket and inverter for their emergency kits...non exciting gifts, but necessary.
Del made each of us girls a beautiful jewelry box...gorgeous with delicate details and beautiful wood and staining. I will blog about that next though.
Mike and Kylie gave me a home music/stereo system to have in the kitchen, plus a Green Bay Packer shirt...Del and I also got BYU shirts from Sean and Becky. Del got 2 pair of nice shoes from Mike and Kylie...
Needless to say, Christmas was beyond wonderful. Not with just the gifts but the special love and spirit that we felt as a family and for each other.
it was tender and a very special day.
Merry Christmas...
and God Bless Us Everyone.

The Chocolate Meltdown

2011-12-28T17:34:00.001-08:00

Introducing Lexi to another family tradition....
'Pot Watching' to make sure the temp. is JUST right.
While playing games, Del and Jordan continue with the
stirring process of the fondant.
Preston and Nana watch intently as Del shaves the chocolate.
The dipping process starts...Kylie's fingers are ALWAYS first in the bowl.
It all comes together with team work.
Looking good.
Half way through the dipping.
Now starting the 'cleaning up' process...finger licking.
As each finger is licked, the chocolate seeps deeper and deeper into her blood stream.
Then Lexi decides to get in on the cleaning up.
Starting to takes it's affect on the nervous system,

The end results??....a complete 'chocolate meltdown'.

And we will complete two more batches before the week is over....

Still Trying

2011-12-28T08:51:00.000-08:00

This post is just to show that I am still trying to lose and keep my already lost weight off even now...and probably for the rest of my life. I haven't gained any weight back...but I have a few inches..go figure...
AND, I have been trying to grow my hair out a little. Probably not any longer than it is in these pictures cuz I'm just too old for that. But Del seems to like it longer like this and I don't find it too hard to take care of. Makes me feel a little younger than 51.
After the New year, I will start back with my 'walking'. Hopefully that will get these inches back off.

Time For Christmas Traditions

2011-12-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

Preston reading 'Nana's' Blog Book
Lounging around waiting for the cookies to be done.
The hard work of cookie baking starts....
mixed with a little fun...flour in Lexi's eye...oops!!
Seeing some of our first results.
Papa takes Preston out in the workshop to help.
Nana picking in the frosting.
Merry little 'frosting elves' finishing up their work.

We spent a fun night of making Christmas cookies. Everyone likes a good sugar cookie, right???

They've Arrived!! We Can Have Fun Now!!

2011-12-28T08:22:00.000-08:00

Okay, so it's been weeks since I've blogged. I'm sorry already!!!!
But it's been busy, to say the least, with a LOT of unexpected ups and downs and changes of plans.
Kathryn was supposed to drive down to Texas with Jordan and Lexi in the moving truck....but when Jordan picked up the U Haul truck, there wasn't a front seat for Kathryn to sit in, soooo....we had to get Kathryn a plane ticket at the last minute and she ended up here on Friday the 16th late at night. I was glad to have here safe and sound. We had a get together at Kylie's house the next night where we made some dinner and fun playing with Preston....the rest of the weekend was spent in getting the rooms cleaned and ready here at the house for Jordan and Lexi to move into when they arrived on Monday.
Monday came and the kids arrived while I was at work. It poured rain but they were able to get most things moved into the house before the rain soaked everything. Tuesday, Kathryn went for a job interview at WOGA, the gymnastics place and she got the job. I was beyond excited for her and so proud of her abilities to be able to land her dream job. This is something she has wanted to do since she was a little girl and now she will have the opportunity to be a gymnastics coach. Quite impressive.
Jordan and Del spent much of their first day together setting up Jordan's big screen t.v. Yeah...we are finally in the 'big leagues', even if it isn't actually ours, we are just using our child's t.v. I don't care....it's in MY HOUSE! Since then, we have watched several BYU games and football games on the big screen...pretty cool.
Now, we have lot's of last minute Christmas things to prepare for...the next few blog posts will cover details.

My Lunch Date

2011-12-15T19:01:00.000-08:00

I got to have lunch today with my sweet Preston. We went to Chick-fil-a and met Mr. Cow there. Preston was in awe mixed with panic mixed with 'what in the heck' emotions. He clung to me tightly until I showed him it was okay to be friendly to Mr Cow and 'talk' to him. Preston would say 'moo' and 'hi' and then give a 'high five' to the cow. But he never turned his back on him...kept one eye on him at all times.
It made for such a special day for me when I was missing my own sweet little Michael.
Thank you Preston for letting NaNuh love on you today.

Never Forgotten

2011-12-15T13:03:00.000-08:00

Today is the 26th anniversary of the passing of my sweet son Michael Jorrell.
He is not forgotten.
He will NEVER be forgotten.
I love you Michael.
Mom

I'm Not Going Anywhere

2011-12-12T10:26:00.000-08:00

Over my lifetime and starting at age 12, I have been the chorister in the Primary probably 5 times, but for a total of about 21 years. This past years Sacrament meeting program was the 18th time I have been in charge of the music and I've been feeling slightly weary.
For anyone who has ever been the Primary chorister, you know what I'm describing when I talk of the exhaustion I experience every week when I come home from church. Most Sunday's, Del understands the state of comatose I go into the moment I hit my front door after church. I go straight to my room, remove my heels, anything of constricting nature (my bra) and lay on the couch until Del asks what he can do to help with dinner. Depending on how much energy I have left, I get up and help Del get dinner on the table...or, I yell from the couch..'I love you, but you're on your own today!!'
Yesterday was one of those days that I had actually planned ahead and had dinner in the oven for an immediate meal when we got home. And thank heavens I did...cause I was POOPED!!!
During Junior Primary which includes about 60 - 70 children, we also included the new almost three year olds to our music time. That meant it was time for me to not just teach music, but to entertain them and get them excited to love learning music. There were 14 of them...and they just stared at me with the eyes of 'deer in the headlights'. But they were adorable...
After Junior Primary, I went to the 60-70 Senior Primary kids...now they are my kids. I click with them. They make me laugh too...We were practicing a song that we are singing on Christmas Day. I was tired from earlier...I was sweating from jumping all over and singing with all I had. And I was contemplating this being a good time to maybe asking to be released for a spell from Primary.
But then...I had 'a moment'....where everything comes to light of how things should be, and I knew I needed to stay right where I was...in the Primary, with these great children.
And so I will. For me...not for them, but hopefully it will end up being for mutual growth and progress.
I love the Primary.

Annual Christmas Party 2011

2011-12-11T17:42:00.001-08:00

I'm trying to grow my hair out- curled it..Kathryn
says it looks like from the 70's. I guess i need a new style.
We start off in the kitchen with all the yummy food.
Roger Davis, Jonathan Roberts and Eric Vogelsberg.
Kim Parker and my BYU roommate Bev J Davis Roberts.
The Roberts and the Davis'.
Yes, they are texting each other..Betsy and Debbie.
They ALWAYS end up in the kitchen talking BYU sports.
Me and Mel....
The Chatterton's and The Lott's.
Matt and Dana Hicken...our home teacher for years.
Mike Garcia got the 'prize' of the night.
Nate Ellison with his cactus tree.
Doug won the 'manly' gift of the night...with chest hair included.
Susan and Bob Robb seeing things in a different light.
yucky gift...I'll never speak to him again if he wears it.
Now THERE we go....BYU blue, through and through.
All the girls....what a group...
The whole group...minus two or three couples that couldn't make it.

It was December of 2002 that we moved here to Texas. That was the year we started this annual Christmas Party at the Vogelsberg home. My BYU roommate Bev was a friend of Debbie's and so they included us in the party and we've been invited every year since. The original group included 8 couples. Each year, we have added one or two more couples until about two years ago, we stabilized to what we are now.
And what a group we are....
This year was over the top though. The gifts were the most humorous of all. There has always been one gift that has been embellished upon year after year, but it was officially retired this year and one of the gifts from this year will become the embellishing gift. It's always the best to find out who brings what.
And the food??? Wow..we are the best of the best cooks. We have such good food to gorge ourselves on and usually we all go home completely over stuffed, exhausted from belly laughing and with headaches from laughing that would compete with the best of a hangover!!!! All without an ounce of alcohol or anything inappropriate. It makes for one of the funnest nights of the year and a lot of great memories.
Good people, good food, good laughs and good memories.
Makes for some Happy Holidays.

'You're Going to Want Your Camera'

2011-12-08T18:17:00.000-08:00

I've learned, as a grandma, that I always want to have my camera ready and loaded whenever Preston comes to visit. But I wasn't ready tonight when Preston was wanting to take Lacey for a walk with Papa.
So when I heard Del yell from the other room, 'You're going to want your camera!!!', I dashed for the camera and was able to capture these precious photos of our little 'Yoda'.

A Christmas Wish Granted

2011-12-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

Hearts are beginning to heal.
Hopefully forgiveness will follow...in time.
Lifes too short.

Fun Night With Preston

2011-12-05T19:10:00.000-08:00

Pulling the Poker cards out of the drawer for some games.
Trying to take the phone charger to put in the plug in the wall.
Reaching for grandma's computer...
Helping Papa make smoothies.
I can do it myself.
Preston has to test it to make sure it tastes alright.
Papa let's Preston sneak a few extra bites.
Oops....Preston gets caught with smoothie on his face.
Preston takes a call from his mommy on Papa's blue tooth.
Grandma teaching Preston how to turn on the flashlight.
Preston chased Lacey all night trying to get her to play with him,

Preston learns about fire...and tries to blow out the lighter.

Once again, an enjoyable night with Mike, Kylie and our sweet little Preston.

Baby It's Cold Outside!!!!

2011-12-05T15:41:00.000-08:00

And Texas has finally got some cold weather.
Well, not compared to Utah or Idaho or even back east.
But for Texas???
It's cold.
Me? I'm still in short sleeves, flip flops and shorts some days...
I imagine it will change pretty soon though. I can tell that I'm a little more climatized this year than I've been before and for the first time, 32' actually feels a little cool to me.
I may actually find myself in a hoodie sometime this winter; a BYU hoodie, of course.
Unless Packers go the 16-0 that I'm betting on.
Then I may have to splurge and actually buy myself a Packer sweatshirt!!!
Yesterday's game was close...but they pulled it out in the last few minutes to come out 12-0. I couldn't be more hyped!!! They are going to take this...I can feel it.

'Lifes Too Short'

2011-12-04T17:07:00.000-08:00

When I opened my email this morning, that was the message I received.
'Lifes too short'.
I agreed.

He's Met His Match

2011-12-04T16:53:00.001-08:00

At some point throughout the years of raising our children, Del has spent time with each child in trying to work with them on some project or another. There are usually short tempers, impatient huffing and puffing, rolling of the eyes and lots of mumbling under the breath.
Yesterday, it was Kylie's turn. And I wasn't sure who would end up the victor at the end of the day. I just knew that Del had finally met his match.
It was humorous to watch and listen to. They bantered back and forth - there were laughs, huffing and puffing and even a few moments of name calling. But all in all, it was a successful adventure.
The project is still not finished with one more night of final details to be done, so I am sure there will be one or two more opportunities to proclaim an obvious winner of this years father/child building project.
My bet is on Kylie.
She is, after all, a mother now and MY daughter.

This Years Christmas Wish

2011-12-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

I was asked by a friend this past week what my 'grown up Christmas Wish' was this year.
After days of thought...
my answer is...
'that time will heal all hearts'.
The heart of my niece that lost her father in death this past year.
The heart of my friend at work who lost her unborn child in a miscarriage.
The heart of a friend who feels betrayed by someone he thought he could trust.
The heart of an employer who feels she was robbed by her staff.
The heart of a husband who feels he lost his wife for a time.
The heart of a daughter who only wants to be loved by someone who can accept her for who she is and what she has to offer.
And to my heart...that only has myself to blame for the shattered pieces it was left in from dreams I couldn't make come true.

And to the many other hearts out there that are torn apart...
I wish you time for healing and wholeness.
God Bless you all this Christmas.

Shopping with Papa

2011-11-29T14:19:00.001-08:00

Preston was over visiting at Papa's house and Papa needed to get a few things from the grocery store....
So, off they went to Kroger.
I'm surprised Papa let Preston drive!!!
He never let's ME drive!!!!
Playing favorites AGAIN!!

'A Baby Changes Everything'

2011-11-28T04:23:00.001-08:00

Preston is a little confused that we are making a tree
.....IN THE HOUSE...

Mommy and Papa are showing Preston where to place the branches.
Preston has to take a break from tree decorating to
take one of his many 'social calls'....
Preston got a little tangled up with the lights...
Preston all lit up.....................
Preston LOVES to share his apple with Papa.
Papa having another bite.
It was soooo hard to not touch everything pretty.
In the kitchen, we had homemade doughnuts started.
Mommy and grandma got a little messy with their treats.
Four generations...Shirley Lott, Del Lott, Kylie Lott Crump and Preston Crump.
While mommy placed the tree skirt around the bottom, Preston
decided it was the perfect place to get a better view and reach
the pretty tree ornaments.
Deciding what it feels like to walk in Papa's shoes.
Preston watches while Papa ties his shoes.
Then Papa puts on Preston's shoes...with his pajama's.

Last year was a different kind of Christmas for me...and it has it's place in my heart and in my memory.
But this year is going to be different...and it's already started with last night.
Mike and Kylie invited us over to help them put up their Christmas tree. Preston was asleep when we got there, but I wasn't going to have any of that, so after about 30 minutes waiting for him to wake up, I snuck into his room and decided to have him wake up to his Papa being there. After his initial 'who's waking me out of my really nice dreams' look, he smiled and his first words out of his mouth were 'Papa????' I took him out to his grandpa and the rest of the night??? You can see it all in the pictures above.
We played Christmas music, put up and decorated the tree, made homemade doughnuts and watched in awe as Preston absorbed the whole experience. He was so adorable...kept saying 'tree' as we put it together...and then 'light' and 'ball' as the ornaments were placed. He watched 'Papa's' every move and tried to copy everything he saw done. It was obvious he could tell it was a night to be remembered.
So this year, Christmas will be experienced through the eyes of our grandson.
'A Baby Changes Everything' is the title of a Christmas song sung by Faith Hill.
This year, when I hear this beautiful song on the radio, I will remember this first night of Christmas when I was witness to my sweet grandson Preston enjoying the first memories of Christmas 2011.

Mrs. Santa Get's a New Ride

2011-11-28T04:20:00.000-08:00

So this is my new ride - a 2009 Nissan Altima....
only 23,700 miles on it....one owner as a lease. And...it's loaded.
Leather seats, sun roof - BOSE stereo system with 6 CD changer,
power everything, no key ignition starter, seat warmer and...
it's pretty....

Only the TOTALLY Insane

2011-11-25T12:20:00.000-08:00

I have never participated in this crazy tradition of the 'Day After Thanksgiving'...otherwise known as...BLACK FRIDAY!!!!
But apparently Del did this year. I wouldn't have known because I went to bed after the last football game last night, but my only clue was that Del didn't crawl into bed until...4:30 a.m.!!!
So when I went home for lunch today, I snuck my head in his office at which time he looked up from his recent purchase...a new computer. I was happy for him. He's needed one for years. But I wasn't anxious to hear the horrid story of his waiting in line for hours or any possible violence that may have gone on during his Black Friday experience. And there WAS plenty of violence. I read stories over the internet and heard a few more on the news of people getting violent over toys, electronics and other coveted gifts...shootings, stabbings and even pepper sprayings by both consumers and police alike.
Sounds like something I might want to try next year????
NEVER!!! I'll pay full price...OR..do without!!!

A Great Day to be Thankful

2011-11-25T11:20:00.000-08:00

Nothing better than starting a holiday off from work with a great football game and a wonderful turkey dinner with family and loved ones.
Thanksgiving dinner was at Mark and Elaine's home this year. And we had a great turn out. I made a turkey with stuffing - took 2 pies and a jello salad on the side. Elaine also made a turkey so we had plenty to feed the 13 of us. The basic potatoes and gravy, rolls, olives, green bean casserole and corn added to the full table. I did my best to not over eat and was successful until the dessert came out and then I did have a small piece of Oreo pie....eeekkkk!!! I caved.
The game was the first of three games played. Packers vs the Lions...and Packers blew them away coming out with an 11-0 record now. They are loooooking gooooood!!!!! It was a great game. Dallas Cowboys also came away with a win to the great pleasure of my son in law and the other men in the room. And the last game of the night was the 49's against the Ravens - with the coaches of each team being brothers...first time in NFL history. The Raven's won, with the only touchdown being made by none other than BYU alumni Dennis Pitta!!! So, the football results were a 100% pleasant for me...
A nice day...a lot to be grateful for.

November's Read

2011-11-22T16:01:00.001-08:00

This was made into a movie that came out a little over a month ago. But I wanted to read the book before going to see the movie.
It was good. Upsetting for me, because the whole issue of racism and that time in history has always been disturbing to me. I feel so strongly about Equal Rights - fairness and kindness - and the book brings out so many emotions and issues that were going on during the time of Martin Luther King and the Civil Rights of the African Americans.
Good book.
I will now try and go see the movie.

The Numbers Tell it All

2011-11-22T15:54:00.001-08:00

So I got the blood work results from my doctors visit last week.
Last year, my cholesterol level was 260...supposed to be under 200.
This year......202.
Last year, my triglycerides were at 690...supposed to be under 150. I was a stroke waiting to happen...
This year....176.
AND...I am no where NEAR menopause...so doctor asked if I might want to go on birth control so as not to get pregnant.
I've been laughing now for days!!!
My reward for my new and improved numbers???
The new blue and orange pills were added to my daily vitamins and medications...
yep......M&M's.
Don't want to hear it from anyone.
I DESERVE IT!!!!

Birthday Leftovers

2011-11-22T15:26:00.000-08:00

There had been so much food served at dinner the night of Del's birthday that we had to bring over half of it home for later.
Well, last night was 'later'. Leftovers from Maggiano's is almost as good as the first time, so while we heated everything up, we enjoyed Preston and his many comings and goings. The kid is adorable....

10-0 Baby!!!!

2011-11-20T17:17:00.001-08:00

There are some pretty happy Green Bay Packer fans out there...
....including me.
I can feel another Super Bowl coming!!!!
Next game???
Thanksgiving Day.....see you then!!!

Celebrating Some Birthdays

2011-11-19T19:50:00.000-08:00

Del shares a birthday with his mother Shirley so this is the first time in years they have actually been together to celebrate their special day.
Shirley arrived two days ago and will be with us for three weeks. Del took her out all day today...breakfast at McDonald's this morning, then grocery shopping and some other errands...and then tonight, Mike and Kylie took the three of us out to dinner at Maggiano's where we had a wonderful dinner and enjoyed Preston entertaining all of us adults.
It made for a very fun and relaxing day.
Del turned 55 - his mother, Shirley, turned 79.
Happy Birthday my sweetheart.

A Timely Reminder

2011-11-17T18:22:00.000-08:00

From my sweet niece Kayla....

'You know life is worth the struggle when you look back on what you lost, and realize what you have now is way better than before...'

It's the Most Wonderful Time...Of My Year!!

2011-11-16T18:48:00.000-08:00

But I'm not talking about Christmas....I'm talking about my yearly visit to my OBGYN. Why do we have to do this year after year after year??? Because, the year I DIDN'T go, would of course be, the year I got breast cancer!!! So, I go...year after year after year. But don't be deceived by these faces you see. They appear to be friendly....but looks can be????? Just as they are! They ARE friendly. This is Cathy...the friendly receptionist there EVER was... after filling out the appropriate paper work and getting copies of insurance cards and drivers licenses, she informs me it will be just a few minutes before the mid evil torture will start.

The worst room of all...I'm taken here first - told to pee and then WEIGH myself. For heaven's sake, REALLY????
OH NO!!! Don't let this innocent smile fool you...she's tricky!!
She takes you into this other room and takes the below xray!!
After much smashing, shifting, smooshing and squishing,
I am left to look at this xray ..the dreaded mammogram!!
She looks nice enough....but she uses needles!!! Sneaky!!
I should have known by her white lab coat !!!
Oh NO! NO! NO! Don't even think this is a sweet older man!
This sweet older man told me I needed to lose another good
15-20 pounds and I got no 'pat on the back' for the 35 I had
already lost!!! He only hopes it makes a difference in my
triglyceride and cholesterol levels before he dishes out ANY
praise my way. HUMPH!!! I'll show him!!!!!

The annual pap smear and blood work has got to be the worst. You ask any woman and she'll answer you the same 'IT'S THE PITS' response I give you!! And yet? We're told 'it's a must'.
Men wouldn't last 5 minutes in these appointments!!! They can't even stand to be TOLD the procedures, let alone visualize anything we have to go through.
I would LOVE to be clever and witty in the telling of my visit today...a little more Erma Bombeck-ish...and I WOULD have been had I done this post 6 hours ago when I had enough humor and energy left in me to write the details of it all. But since my appointment, I have vacuumed, dusted, done laundry, cleaned 2 bathrooms, made beds, cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, made dinner and had my mother in law Shirley arrive for a three week stay.
Enough said....
Maybe I'll add a 'post script' later...a funny one...when I FIND the humor again of my yearly visit. IF I find the humor...
I will.

Just a Few Ideas...

2011-11-15T20:01:00.000-08:00

A gift card for either some movies or cd's that I have my eye on.
Always, a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle - puppies this year.
Wanting a camera...not necessarily this one..but like it.
I'm a new 'Vera girl'....so a gift card to the Vera store....

And this list is made under the complete ASSUMPTION that Santa doesn't see fit to bring me COAL!!!! Which of course, is still up in the air. But just in case he thinks I've been a 'nice girl' this year, or at least, a wife he's willing to keep around for another year, I submit my...
Christmas wish list....

Not Ready to Relinquish My Title

2011-11-15T17:50:00.000-08:00

Kylie thinks that this picture of Preston merits her receiving the above award of 'Mother of the Year'. I think NOT!!!!
APPARENTLY, Preston was fussy this morning in the car and would not be pacified with food, entertainment by Kylie or even toys. Kylie was quickly becoming desperate in trying to quiet him during her stressful morning so she grabbed her tube of mascara and gave it to him in his car seat, at which time, he silenced his squeals and was content. Of course Kylie, knowing Preston could NOT open the mascara, was pleased at her choice of distractions for him as he was quiet for a good amount of time, allowing her to finish her conversation on the phone with her hubby Mike.
Have I mentioned that Preston is a genius??? Well...proof is in the picture. It took him only minutes to accomplish the above 'make-over' and with just a little eye shadow and blush, he could complete his 'evening look', smokey eye and all.
Kylie calls me in a combination panic and exhausted desperation and tells me the above story. Of course, I am giggling throughout the whole thing asking her if she has taken a picture of it until she finally says..'MOM...he ingested mascara!!'. Of course, I know that mascara is no cause to call the poison control number and that there is no emergency in the situation, but I don't realize that KYLIE is feeling a desperation to know that she's not a failure as a mother in making the decision to give him mascara to play with. I quickly calm her down in letting her know there is no medical emergency and try to show her the humor of the moment. I hear Preston fussy still in the back ground and tell her to give Preston the mascara back. That's when she says she HAS given it back and he's MAD because he can't get it open now. I start the giggling ALL over again.
But she's tired...and weary...she's gone home, cleaned him up in the bath and has now relaxed enough that I encourage her to go down for a long nap when Preston does and when she wakes up, to take a moment to THEN look at the picture and enjoy a good laugh.
I also told her that there would be no 'Mother of the Year' award for her yet...that I still held that award but only received it after THREE children. She had a LONG ways to go until she would EARN that award.
She's such a good mom...and has given both Del and me some VERY humorous moments to remember in her raising of Preston.
Funny picture above...and it will give ALL of us many laughs in the years to come.

Weary of 2011

2011-11-12T16:52:00.000-08:00

It's been a long year.
I'll be glad when it's over and I can start a new one.

Oh Crap!

2011-11-12T16:30:00.001-08:00

Do mood swings happen during the holidays?
Having one....
CRAP!

Can You Keep a Secret???

2011-11-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

And the Christmas shopping has begun...
secrets, secrets and more secrets...
This is so much fun. And both Del and I are in the Christmas swing of things...for each other and then of course, for the children and grandchild. This is going to be a blast this year. We have already been out a few times shopping for the kids...and Preston; and we still have much more to do. But we have also started the hiding of details from each other too...minimizing internet screens as the other passes by...hiding receipts and of course, the 'running an errand' without any further details being shared. And we're only in November!!!!
Tis the Season...
...and Mum's the Word!!!!

Weekends Are 'Preston Time'

2011-11-06T07:47:00.000-08:00

We always start with 'reading time with grandpa'...
...then we wrestle...grandpa is getting easier and easier to 'pin'.
something always goes on the head...
Saturday morning at grandpa's house brings another book
But we have to take Lacey outside to play too...
and while we walk Lacey, Grandma and I have a talk.
Grandpa has a few chores I need to help him with...one is in the attic.
But there is some measuring and building that needs to start
so I help grandpa with a few things here and there
and then he finishes with the details...
I always leave grandma with something to do after I leave.
When it's time to go, I can put my own shoes on..almost.

After Preston left on Saturday, Del and I spent the rest of the day doing some projects and running some errands before we went out to dinner, which was wayyy yummy and very filling. We were both ready to call it a night and go to bed early, but it was only 4:30 in the afternoon and we knew if we went home and crashed, we would be up at 2:00 in the morning!!! We are getting sooo old.
So, we decided to go to the mall...not an event we do more than once a year..at Christmastime. We are not 'Mall cruisers', nor do we enjoy the huge crowds of people, but we had to find SOMETHING to do and plus, we did want to check out a few Christmas ideas. We stopped at Toys R Us for an hour ( we ARE grandparents after all) and made some Christmas choices for Preston and then we headed over to the mall.
You would have thought it was the week before Christmas with as many people that were there!!! But we had fun. But the most significant event was running into the daughter of my dear friend Dr. Scott Charlton. I worked with Dr. Charlton for over three years at my previous job and loved every sweet moment of those years. I love that man.
Over two years ago, he came into my office to tell me that his wife, Cookie, had just been diagnosed with cancer. He sat in my office where we cried together and I listened as he expressed the fear and devastation of the knowledge that he would lose his dearest friend most likely within a year. It broke my heart. Then, I didn't hear from him for months. I wrote him letters, notes and sent him cards. I tried to call several times but never heard from him. But I knew that Cookie had most likely passed during that time...
So, running into his daughter Whitney unnerved me a little. I recognized her; she didn't recognize me 35 pounds lighter. So I stopped her. Within 2 sentences, she confirmed what I had suspected and I wept. Her mother had passed a year earlier in October. She proceeded to tell me details but I wanted to her to pass over much of that and get to 'how was my dear friend?' As I had anticipated, he had fallen apart and was feeling very much a 'lost soul.' I cried more. After about a 30 minute conversation with Whitney, she took my phone number and I told her I would call her dad in 10 days after he returned from a missionary trip to Cuba.
And I will. I miss him. I love that good man. Such a good good man. I have such love and admiration for him and want to, if I can, bring him some sense of joy and peace to his soul.
The experience left me quite subdued the rest of the evening and when we returned home around 7:00, I was still upset by some of the details Whitney had shared with me of her fathers 'past year'. I cried quietly here at my computer, but wasn't able to write anything down. My thoughts were of my own husband..his MS and current discomforts...and I thought of how I will feel when I lose my dear husband at his passing. Please dear God...not any time soon.

'Uh - Oh'

2011-11-03T14:05:00.000-07:00

Okay....
So I may need to re-think my Christmas Wish List.
Ya think???

'You're Asking Me??'

2011-11-02T19:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I was asked 'What do you want for Christmas?' I'm usually on the other end of the question, so I was surprised today when I was the one asked. It's fun to think about it. So I'm actually going to make a list. It will be a 'short' list, but a list none the less.
Dear Santa.....

October Came and Went - A Few Things

2011-11-01T17:19:00.000-07:00

Okay...I've got a good job, that although in the recent weeks has been shaky with the mood swings and antics of what you would think are high school girl fights, I do like it. I just need to figure out what childish behavior and unkindness es I am willing to tolerate and what I won't put up with at this stage in my life. I'm not a quitter...but I may need to get a little less tolerant of some of the **** going on in the office. I don't like bullies...the 'mean girl gang' is alive and well at this office...and I need to figure out what I'm going to do about it.
I'm going to the temple tomorrow; for the first time in over a year. I'm glad. I feel ready - not a 100% but at least ready to try and present myself before God with a humble and obedient heart. But it's the same heart that at times, still hurts from my past and current memories. So I will be in the temple with a very timid and tender heart.
I have friends who are suffering right now with disappointment and struggles in their lives. A friend who's son just left for the MTC and stayed only 3 days before realizing that he was not able to physically handle the anxiety attacks of being away from what he has always known as 'safe'. This is a young man with a firm and growing testimony, a righteous heart and a desire to be obedient. So why would the Lord allow this young man to suffer this debilitating illness instead of being able to serve where he has been called?? What could he possible need to learn from this trial? What does his family need to learn from this experience and disappointment of their son not being able to meet his own and others hopes and expectations? It leaves me with unanswered questions and this young man and family with life changing plans. And all of to love and support both the young man and his family unconditionally. No judgments needed or asked for.
Another friend is suffering in a loveless and verbally/mentally abusive marriage. But she's in it because she made a promise 12 years ago and loves him, even as he diminishes her to nothing. She wants to be strong but I have watched her over the past few years dwindle to almost nothing of a human being and even less of a woman. Her heart has been broken over and over. I don't know how much more she can or should take. I want to help. I need to help. I need to figure out how to help.
I ordered copies of the best pictures from Anne who took our family pictures back in August. They are now hanging on the walls throughout my home. I love them. They make me happy. I feel love when I look at them. I need to continue to strive to make my home a place that I feel love. And yet, when I watched the BYU channel the other night, I heard the following statement at the end of one of the shows. I found the comment both profound and thought provoking...it was as follows...'sorrow is an inevitable result of loving someone. The depth of your sorrow is an indication as to the depth of your love'.
Halloween had my grandson in the most adorable 'Peter Pan' costume made by his sweet mother Kylie. I was so impressed by Kylie's efforts to MAKE a costume along with everything else she is currently doing in her life. She is carrying two jobs...full time mom, wife, church calling, keeps up with her house and is now doing little things like sewing costumes and making new pillows for her bed to match the new color of the wall she painted in her bedroom. Yes, she's going to have a meltdown soon; she's my daughter; I know her. But she is trying so hard to do it all. I just need to be there for her when she will need me.
The holiday's are coming. My mother in law is coming for three weeks to visit before Thanksgiving. Then, all the children will be here for Christmas. The holiday's will be busy but they never seem to be busy enough to make me forget what memories they bring; now, a few more memories than ever before. But I will enjoy them nonetheless.
We just enjoyed Stake Conference last Sunday. Uncle Bob and Aunt Talmage were there as temple president and matron...they gave good talks. Also in attendance and speaking was President of the Dallas Mission....President Devin Durrant. Name sound familiar? To me, yes. I attented BYU when Devin played basketball for the Cougars. He was and is 6'7...very handsome and was good. He went pro after college but only for like 5 years or so before he quit, started a family and moved on. Now, he serves here in Texas. Weird to see him old...like me. I remember watching him play every game. The next years, his brother played too and still does basketball commentating for the BYU team now. His father is a sealer at the Mt Timp temple and worked with my dad a lot. I met him in January at Jordan's wedding. Good people.
What else??? My weight...I've gained 2/3 pounds back but some thickness around my middle area. BUT, when I saw some people at stake conference on Sunday that I hadn't seen in over a year, they were stunned and very complimentary about my new weight loss. I felt good, but I need to make sure I don't let it sneak back on me...so I'm starting to walk again.
I am content. Happy? Yes, in many circumstances and at many times, I am happy. Am I moving on? Yes, for the most part, I am moving on with my life in the areas of most importance. I am resigned to certain decisions and 'states of being.' and will continue to do so until my circumstances change.
A new car is in the works in the next month or so. Del will be getting a new computer and set up in the next month and then we will be looking to buy a new home next summer. So some changes and additions are on the way. But there are many things that remain a constant and stabling factor in my life...my family, my children and Del.
And SPORTS...my Green Bay Packers remain undefeated....BYU football continues in an uphill battle but with some nice wins while on the roller coaster, and then BYU basketball is just starting. So, I DO survive emotionally week to week with my sports.
Life is...good....stable....progressing....okay...at times, very boring. But I do still live.

'This is me, by me.'

2011-10-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

A favorite quote...
and it means?
Nothing now.

A Nice 'Payback Day'

2011-10-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

It's always a great day when you see the results of some hard work.
And I experienced some of that in several different areas yesterday.
First of all, and not MY payback, but that of another set of parents...were the Hicken's.
Their oldest son Christain, had his missionary farewell yesterday. I've known Christain for almost 10 years...since he was 9 years old, and I have watched him grow from a young boy to a very nice and handsome young man. He will be a great missionary; believes what he is teaching, has his own testimony and enough faith to sustain him through the two years he will be away from home. I saw the joy and happiness in the faces of his family and friends and knew he would be supported with much love and encouragement from all of them. He has a strong yet sweet spirit that will reach many hearts and searching souls. I was glad to know we had been a very small part in his life, but more importantly, that he has been an important part in OUR lives as well.
Kylie came to Christains farewell also, with Preston, and this is where our next 'payback' came.
Before Kylie arrived for the meeting, Del had gone out to visit with some other friends in the hall so I was able to see and hold Preston first. I was totally enjoying loving on him when I saw Del enter the back of the chapel. I whispered into Preston's ear, 'Where's grandpa Preston?.' He glanced from person to person until his eyes caught Del's face and then he broke from ear to ear, into the biggest toothy smile you have ever seen. It was payback time. He tried to wiggle out of my arms so I would put him down so he could run to 'papa' but Del arrived by our side before Preston was put down. So Del just scooped Preston into his arms and Preston let out big giggles. It was adorable.
To top of the Sabbath Day, it was our ward Primary Sacrament Meeting Program, where we present a program that includes the messages and songs the children have learned throughout the year. I doubled up on my pain medications for the event as I'm the Primary chorister. I was anxious as to how the children would do as most kids tend to be shy and a little reserved performing in front of their parents. But the children did well...sang the songs with conviction and testimony. They were inspirational to me and I could see how they loved the songs they were singing. It was payback for the months and months of struggling to teach the gospel concepts of each song and how to feel their testimonies grow through music. I was pleased with the results, as were the other members of the Primary board. Later last night, after company had left from dinner, the Primary Presidency came over with a beautiful flower plant and thank you note for my participation in the program. I found it very sweet and kind of them to recognize my efforts...no greater than all of theirs except that mine was done with broken ribs.
So??? A very fulfilling and satisfying day. I feel the Lord was pleased...as was I.
I met with the Bishop after church for a short visit too. It is completed...and I am once again whole. Time to move forward with peace and calm.
My parents called me last night...to thank me for a note I had sent them last week in the mail. Just something short to tell them how much I love them...and miss them. And I do.
I need to express that feeling and emotion a little more often to those around me.
Added to the list of 'things to work on.'

What Was I Thinking!!???

2011-10-21T19:21:00.000-07:00

Quote from Forrest Gump..
"Stupid is as stupid does."
I find it...
Simple?
Profound?
Accurate?
Too late.

Another quote I heard today at work from the girls...
made me laugh....
because...
it's means nothing, but everything.
'All bleeding stops eventually.'

Date Night With Preston

2011-10-21T18:37:00.001-07:00

Friday Night is date night...and since Kylie had a photo shoot tonight, Preston got to come to our house to have date night with US!!!
Del started the night without me though as I worked later than usual. I got home to find that Preston had already taken Lacey for a walk with Grandpa taking a video of the scene along the way. It was adorable. But Preston was hungry and having a snack when i got home, but as soon as he finished, we packed him up and took him back outside for another walk so grandma would get to see things first hand. There were lots of dogs and kids out playing...and a dog that looked enough like a kitty that it had Preston 'meowing' instead of 'barking' at it. We got a kick out of that. Kylie came home shortly after that and the rest of the evening was spent playing throughout the house....moving the water jugs around, playing peek a boo, talking on the phone, playing fetch with Lacey's rope, tickling contest with grandpa, moving the candlesticks from one place to another, learning how to tell time on grandpa's watch....and finally, the infamous 'kiss goodnight'.
Isn't that how all dates go????

My First of the Season

2011-10-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

I've made these before....lots of times. But it HAS been awhile.
So...practice WILL make perfect.
The 'set up' was great and so was the baking and cooling process.
It was the 'putting together' and 'final presentation' that have much to be desired.
I will be hoping it 'tastes better than it looks' applies in this first attempt.
But I'm betting there won't be too many complaints from those who will have to keep 'eating up my imperfections.'

The Season Changes

2011-10-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

Oh My Gosh...
Is that a beautiful picture or what?? And...it's a real place.
Not Texas, mind you, which is probably the first reason I miss living in Utah or Idaho. Because it IS in Utah...in fact, I remember many a morning in Utah waking up to a day that looked like this outside my front or back windows of my house.
Fall...I love this time of year. I love the colors...the smells...the feel of the cold on my face in the early morning...the food, the fires in the fireplace, the aroma of the lit candles, the total ambiance of the autumn season. I love the jeans, boots and sweaters...the hot chocolate or apple cider...the stocking hats and the gloves to keep my hands warm.
I love the hugs and kisses I get from Del and the snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie. I love the warmth of blankets and socks on my feet as I jump into bed at night in between the cold sheets.
I love football season....watching game after game, week after week while eating my bowl of popcorn. I love yelling at the ref's and the quarterback when he throws an interception. I love screaming when BYU wins or the Green Bay Packers. And right now, watching the Rangers play in the World Series. No NBA right now because of a lock out, but I love watching all the sports.
I love it all...
don't you?

Long Distance Parenting

2011-10-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

This child always came with her own little set of blessings and trials.
From very little, geez, even birth, she made the rules and set the boundaries.
And raising her with manners (yeah, you can see how successful THAT was), morals, kindness, charity, love, compassion, God like qualities and everything else she would need to make it in this life as a good adult citizen has had it's challenges....
NOW...add thousands of miles between us and the parenting continues while she's away at college. And the phone calls come at literally all time of the day and night...and early early mornings.
This morning...5:00 a.m. OUR time...meaning 4:00 her time. I knew it was her..just because I'm a mom and I know Kathryn. Her toilet was broken...and she needed to pee. Common sense tells her to call dad to fix it. But obviously she's forgotten dad's thousands of miles away and can't just get out of bed and fix it so she can pee. But she still expected him to. So, I hear Del for the next ten minutes discussing the situation and possible resolutions with Kathryn before he finally gets off the phone with her and gets up and dressed. He's now awake for the day.
It's these kind of things all the time with Kathryn.
She cracks me up...when home, she is able to use her common sense and independent streak that runs through her. But you put space between us and it's like she can no longer function without our opinion, advice or counsel. I wish she were so easy to raise while local...but NO...she has to wait until we AREN'T able to help to ASK for help.
Examples: DRAMA!! Kathryn says she doesn't DO drama...and yet...she finds herself right smack in the middle of it at any given time. Geez, DRAMA is her middle name. Mostly with friends...ie, roommates, girls etc.
Refrigerator broke two weeks ago...what to do??WHAT TO DO??? Well..tell your apartment manager!! Take the food out and try to put it in a neighbors fridge..or Jordan and Lexi's...or...something! But call came to us.
A squirrel bit her finger. Yes, you read that right. I didn't say ALL of Kathryn's calls are unfounded...but I WILL say that each and every phone call supplies me with plenty of information to write another chapter in my hilarious parenting book on 'How to Raise Kathryn'. Kathryn decided to go out and feed this adorable little squirrel in her apartment patio area. Little adorable squirrel decided to take a chunk out of her finger though...and she called and frantically sent pictures to show us all the blood and need for an immediate visit to the campus Student Health Center...for a tetanus shot and bandaging up. I still shake my head in wonder as to how she gets herself in these stories. But she makes me laugh...
This next one is slightly suspicious to me, but it worked for HER! She climbs this big tree in her yard...but can't get back down. (that's the part I question) SOOOO...two really cute guys have to come and help her get down, for which in turn, she makes them yummy brownies to thank them for their kindness...I NEVER SAID SHE WAS STUPID, did I?????
But she is able to get herself in the middle of some situations that I honestly, sit back and ask myself, 'How does she DO that???'
The thing I love the best though is that the thousands of miles between us don't make a difference to her. If she wants to ask me something, she calls...doesn't matter how significant or trivial the question may be, if she wants to talk to me, she calls. If she feels something at a certain time and wants to share it, she calls. If she finds something funny, she calls to share it with me. If she's crying, she calls. If she's laughing, she calls. If she's 'pissed off', she calls. If she's frustrated, she calls. EVERY MOOD..merits a call.
AND I LOVE IT ALL!!!!! She's always been high maintenance..but a maintenance that I have always been willing and wanting to take care of.
I love her...dearly.
So...no matter WHY she calls...or what TIME she calls...we take the call.
She makes me cry...makes me laugh..makes me frustrated...concerned..all of it.
But she also makes it worth it...by being Kathryn; my baby dolly.

Grant's Golden Gems

2011-10-18T14:59:00.001-07:00

Okay..I've mentioned the couple in my ward named the McClellan's.
They have a just over 2 yr old son named Grant.
Priceless...adorable...FUNNY!
This child is all the above and more.
We usually sit behind them each Sunday in church and this past Sunday was no different.
I was medicated (ribs) but had taken my meds earlier in the day and could feel some discomfort starting up. Grant was not going to help my cause.
He was talking..about anything and everything. The kid is brilliant...definitely the first child that got a lot of attention. Speaks full sentences with that cute little voice all adorable children have... Grant was explaining to his dad about things going on around them and then church started, so Grant had to fold his arms for the prayer etc. I closed mine too, but unlike Grant, I didn't open mine once the prayer was over. Mine remained closed.
Next thing I hear...'You budder upon yo eyes o you wont be abul to see duh bwed coming'. I opened one eye to see him talking to me, with which he then finished..'no..you half to open bowf yo eyes!!'.
I quickly obeyed.
The sacrament started shortly and I removed my glasses for a moment to rub my eyes, forgetting I was still being watched.
'No no no!!! If you dont half yo gwasses on, you cant see nuffing at all!'
I put my glasses back on.
He was holding a picture of the Salt Lake Temple, so I asked him 'what it was?'
'The tempul...and him's has a hone (horn, as he points to Moroni). Him's gunna put on his cape and fwry down to urph."
It hurt my ribs to laugh but I just couldn't help it. Apparently I wasn't the only one who had thought Grant's comments were adorable cause not only was our church bench shaking from mine and Del's suppressed giggles, but both the rows in front of us and behind us had been enjoying Grant's wonderful tales. And he wasn't finished.
Poor baby had a pretty bad cold and at one point, coughed and sneezed ALL over his mothers arm and hand...(yeah, it was gross). She quietly tried to clean it up without drawing attention to the situation when Grant said to me, 'That was gwoss on my mom's arm and I don't fink she liked it.' With the facial expressions that accompanied his remark, his cuteness just sent us over the edge. Yeah...an open laugh escaped my lips!!! And it hurt!!! But it was SOOOO worth the pain.
After Sacrament meeting, his mother and father apologized over and over for Grant's behavior during church. I begged them to never apologize for their child bringing such joy and humor into another persons life...but told them they owed me something for the pain and asked them to write everything down that he says during these priceless years so they could enjoy it in the years to come.

Grant reminded me of Jordan at that same age. He was just as funny...said the same funny things. I hoped Grant would turn out for them half as good as Jordan had for us.

Texas State Fair 2011

2011-10-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

Preston's first State Fair...and we had a great time...
I was doubled up on my pain meds determined that my broken ribs were not going to keep me from having a fun day with my grandson.
The pictures tell it all...almost.

Accurately Stated

2011-10-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

"I MISS THE 'IDEA' OF IT...NOT THE REALITY."

The Attempted Escape of a Little SHIHTzu

2011-10-14T18:54:00.000-07:00

This afternoon was busy at work. We had a full schedule without any breaks and we even had a scheduled euthanasia of an 18 yr old cat that would happen in between all the other chaos going on in the schedule.
Earlier this morning, a sweet older man, who had lost his wife a few years earlier and had only his sweet dog Macy left, called to say that Macy had been very sick the past few days and he was upset and wanting her to be seen, if we could. So I had squeezed Macy in between all this other madness...the front door was like a revolving saloon door...So when Macy arrived with her owner, it was chaos and she could sense that she was needing a quick escape.
And so...she took it. Before we could stop her, Macy had snuck out of her leash and collar and was running like a bat out of hell all over our parking lot and grass area. Off went her owner, who in his sorry condition of being partially handicapped, was in no condition to catch Macy. One of our techs, Heather, who is 6 months pregnant, was on her way out the front door to help until it dawned on her face that SHE was in no condition to be chasing after the little white poof that was running around crazily...I thought for a split second that I could be of some assistance until I remembered I had 2 broken ribs and wasn't going to catch anything faster than a turtle. That left Christy and Sarah, who both darted out of the office trying to cut Macy off from going into the very busy street of McDermott. Things did NOT look good.
McDermott is a 6 way BUSY street..3 lanes going each way - at 40 mph. Macy was going to end up a squished puff of smoke. We had one more tech run out to help and then also the owners of two of other patients, but Macy was only wanting to find her owner. But every time Macy got close to her owner and everyone started to close in, she would dart...The panic hit when she ran out into McDermott and ended up in the middle on the medium. I was pleading under my breath 'no no no' as she ran to the other side and down the next block and then I screamed as I saw her running back, knowing she was going to attempt to cross back over McDermott.
It was scary to see all of us paralyzed in our spots, not able to do anything but watch Macy running hard to make it back. Sarah was doing her best to stop traffic one way while Christy was doing her best to stop it the other way, allowing Macy to run to her owner, who had a very difficult time scooping Macy up without tumbling over himself from his handicap.
This happened twice. Oh yes...it wasn't enough drama that Macy crossed McDermott once but she crossed it again.
Yeah...she is a SHIHTzu...with emphasis where you can only imagine.
I can only say that now, as the story finally ended with Macy finding the comfort of her owners arms after a desperate attempt at her escaping her 'doctors visit'.
I know many of us don't like to go to the doctor...but wasn't this going a little too far???
Looking back on the scene and now picturing everything in my head, I giggle seeing all these adults running around frantically trying to catch this little white bullet crossing multiple lanes of traffic...cars coming to screeching halts, traffic backing up as scrubs are dashing in between lanes trying to scoop up this little creature into the safety of secure arms.
It's only funny now. It wasn't funny then and it would not be funny in the future. But it is funny now.

Angels Among Us

2011-10-13T18:27:00.000-07:00

I needed to stay home in bed today.
I woke up miserable and in a lot of pain but when I made calls for someone to work for me, no one was able...so off to work I went.
It's now 8:30 p.m. and yes, it was an extremely difficult day at work, to sit and work through the pain. I tried to not complain too much and to hide a lot of my discomfort, but I'm sure my co-worker, Linda, noticed I was hurting. She did carry much of the load today, for which I am very grateful but by 6:15 when we were done with our day, I was dead.
BUT... I realized on my drive home, (which btw, is the thing that hurts the most..driving), I was listening to music and it was making me happy. It was music that should have made me miserable, sad, crying and the whole past 6 month thing all over...But nope, I was enjoying the beauty of the music without the sadness of 'memories'. I was happy.
I got home...ate some left overs and then put together a plate of homemade cookies I had made last night and took them over to a friend who has been a dear angel to me over the past year. She has done so much for me...flowers, chocolate, visits, ice cream, phone calls, more chocolate and more flowers...there has been bubble bath, notes, more chocolate and heartfelt cries with this dear angel and I felt it was time to start some pay - back. And I'm going to start with her. I'm going to start showing more gratitude towards those who have been so kind to me ...by being my friend.
Family, friends, angels...they are all the same to me. And there have been many that I have just accepted their kindnesses without any effort of gratitude..and I just can't do that anymore.
So, to those many angels in my life, it's pay back time.

A Keeper for the Recipe Box

2011-10-12T17:14:00.000-07:00

Del's new job has him working from home almost 80% of the time while I work OUTside the home now. It's a nice change for us and we both really like it. On my days off, like today, we usually decide to make dinner together and try to make something new and exciting.
This was tonight's new recipe...Zucchini Parmesan...and it was good. We have a nice plate for dinner, take some out for each of us for lunch and then another container goes into the freezer for a night in 2 weeks. This recipe will go into the recipe box with only a few alterations on our part.
Good stuff.

Validated

2011-10-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

No, that is not MY actual xray...but I had two taken last night in the ER.
The pain got worse and worse yesterday at work and by the end of the day, I was hurting pretty dang good!!! And I was feeling movement where I had felt the initial crack when I would move certain ways. My biggest fear was that I wasn't going to heal correctly if things weren't lined up like they needed to be. Plus, was I in that much pain over what the ER doctor felt was probably a 'strain' or pulled tendon from the rib cage??? I was feeling a little wimpy...but a lot of pain.
So after work, I went to the ER and had them take some xrays.
Validated!!! Two fractures showed in this xrays.
I was glad...just to know I wasn't a wimp...
I will NEVER...NEVER again bad mouth an athlete who chooses to 'sit one out' due to a broken or cracked rib. Instead, I will accept his/her word on the level of discomfort they feel they can endure without a pain killer injected directly into their inflicted OWIEEEEE!!!!
And if they so feel inclined to go out and play the hero in the last play of the game, they have my total praise and admiration for both their bravery and STUPIDITY!!!!
God Bless for Vicodin!!!

Thanks Girls...

2011-10-11T11:59:00.000-07:00

I love my sisters...and daughters.
Elaine has been the best over the past year...and Rebecca WOULD HAVE BEEN if I had let her...but I didn't tell her anything. And then of course, Kylie and Kathryn have been an answer to my prayers.
Every single one of them could have shunned me in shame and disowned me from embarrassment. But nope, they have all been very loving and understanding of my struggles and heartache.
And it's time for me to thank them.
Thank you...for listening when I just needed a listening ear.
Thank you...for not asking questions when I couldn't explain.
Thank you...for not condemning me when I told you what I was comfortable sharing.
Thank you...for crying with me.
Thank you...for not calling me stupid...or wondering 'why' or 'how' I could...
Thank you...for knowing that I would eventually heal and move on.
Thank you...for knowing that I still have my occasional 'tender days' and that it doesn't mean anything more than 'a memory' tugged a heart string that day.
Thank you...for knowing that I did, I do and I always will love my husband.
Thank you...for making me see the humor in a moment when I thought I could only see the pain.
Thank you...for knowing that my past is the past...and trusting me to have the strength to see clearly my future...and that if for any reason whatsoever, things become 'cloudy' once again, that I can turn to any one of you to help clear my blurred vision.

Thank you for a bazillion more things...but, those are the basics.
It's a closed topic of conversation now...both here, in private or public.
But my thank you's will always be there...now and always.
Thanks girls...and I love you.

Help Me Out Here, Adam!!

2011-10-08T20:10:00.001-07:00

Ouch ouch ouch!!!!
Del's strong...I've always known that. He's an Idaho farmer boy for heavens sake!!!
But he's stronger than even he or I thought.
This morning when he was giving me, what I thought was a tender hug, he broke one of my ribs on my right side. I heard it, he heard it. I felt it break, he felt it break. I would have screamed if I could have breathed...but I couldn't, so didn't.
So I hurt. Ouch!!
If Adam had a spare rib, I would ask him for it. But he's already given up one....

Lunch with the Nieces

2011-10-08T19:59:00.000-07:00

There are babies coming in the near future and so Elaine and I had a nice baby shower lunch with some of the girls. Today's lunch was a baby shower for Julianne that Janene and Elaine planned...and we had such a good time. These girls are adorable and I'm excited to know that I am going to start making a more concerned effort to spend time with them in the future. Julianne is due in 6 weeks and then the other two girls, Janene and Brittney, are due in January. Elaine will be having three grandchildren within a like 5 month period!!! Cool huh? And all are going to be adorable babies...

Then Let's Get Specific

2011-10-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

If I'm going to focus on my passions in life....let's get specific.
And honest...no matter how shallow, how worldly, how non spiritual they are or non - eternal...I always feel like I shouldn't mention anything that's not of eternal significance in order for it to be important...but if I am to be honest, I am passionate about some important things to me that have nothing or very little to do with things of eternal nature...
example....
I love sports. I mean...I REALLY love sports; especially BYU sports. I probably shouldn't as much as I do...but truth is, I DO!!! So, it's a passion of mine and I plan on having it be a passion for a very long time. What to do about it??? I'm going to start going to some games...in person...as a fan...in the stadium. So I'm going to plan ahead for next year and my goal is to go to at least 2 BYU games; one here in Texas and one in Utah. Then, I am also going to attend one PRO game...which sport, which team and it which state? To be determined in the near future. Passion!!!
I LOVE music; specifically singing. I love to listen to music, I love to sing, play the piano, dance and breathe music. Going to continue having music be the influence of my moods but being very careful to not allow the music to pull me to places I no longer need to go. I want to sing more...make the CD I've always wanted to make. Play the piano more...
Be healthy and keep my weight off. I've worked hard over the past almost a year to lose almost 40 pounds, at one time. Now, I have gained a few pounds back for only a total of 34 pounds lost...I want to stay slender...healthy...and continue to take care of my body. I want to look and feel younger than I am. Keep my hair longer than usual, stay thin, dress nice and keep make up on. I want to BE and LOOK pretty...attractive.
I'm passionate about my family...Del, Jordan, Lexi, Mike, Kylie, Preston and Kathryn. Those 7 people need to be the most important people in my life. I love them...I adore them...I am passionate about them and us as a family unit. I want us united and close; dependent on each other for everything and anything. I want us to be each others best friends and companions.
I am passionate about the small circle of family and friends that are right outside my inner circle of immediate family. I want those few people to know that I love them and will re-focus my time and efforts towards including them in some of my most passionate memories and desires in my life. They are important to me...they are WORTH my passion and I will make time for them.
Reading is a passion of mine. I started last year with reading a book a month encouraged by a friend of mine that also loves to read. Now that I started the habit, I am loving the time that I set aside from other passions to continue my love of turning the pages of a good book. I want to love every character and plot that I get my hands on plunge into new places and meet new people that I would otherwise not have the chance to meet.

So...I'm starting there....most of these are passions I have always had and always will have. But they have been dead for almost 6 months. I don't want them dead anymore. I want to FEEL them again...feel the passion I have for them again. I want them ALIVE again.
So I start now...living...laughing...loving.
Passionately.

'Passion Angels'

2011-10-07T11:16:00.001-07:00

At some point in every persons life, they lose their passion...their passion for life, their passion in their love life, the passion for a hobby, their job, their health...passion for enduring, passion for joy...they just lose all passion.
I've had three of those moments in my life...
The first experience was when I returned home from my mission and had my heart broken. I was devastated and basically had a meltdown. After 6 months of wallowing in my pain and hurt and completely depleted of ALL passion, I had a visit from my first 'passion angel'. She wasn't new to me...in fact, I had known her for awhile and we were good friends, having gone through many ups and downs together over the previous years. But in that moment, she took on a new role in my life; she became my first 'passion angel'.
'Passion Angel' - ?? 'One who gives you a swift kick in the butt when you most need it by telling you that life goes on either with you or without you..and you can curl up and die on the spot? OR YOU CAN MOVE ON CUZ THERE'S NO OTHER CHOICE'.
And so, my passion angel went into action. For her, there WAS only the one option...move on. And so, that meant there was only the one option for me too. She insisted....
A little over a year later, I met and married Del.
My second experience came only a little over 2 years later at the death of my first child, Michael. I crashed and burned. Any and ALL passion I had mustered up from the previous 3 years was lost...gone...swept away with the death of my son. I saw little or no hope.
Enter....my second 'passion angel'.
I had known her since moving to Idaho while pregnant with Michael. She had helped me through the remainder of my pregnancy, the difficult first months after Michael's birth and then during the medically draining years before Michael ultimately passed at Christmastime of 1985. We had become very dear friends.
And it was THAT friend that became my second 'passion angel'.
After 6 months of me just barely surviving day in and day out, she swooped in with her 'passion angel' boots and gave me the swift kick in the butt I was desperately needing to move on. There were no options...no multiple choices...just one thing to do...MOVE ON.
And although really rough going, I was able to do just that...move on.
That was years and years ago.
I haven't needed a 'passion angel' for over 25 years...until recently, when I hit this brick wall.
I've had a rough past year...and it has left me??? Passionless; in all areas of my life. I don't need to re-hash it's memory here as I still think about it every day. Let's just say, I've reached the 6 month mark and have started looking for a 'passion angel' to give me the much needed 'kick in the butt' I have come to expect from said angel.
For Christmas last year, I received a beautiful diamond necklace...that of an angel. It's the one in the picture above. For once, I was someone Else's angel. But it was not to be. In April, when our relationship changed, I returned the gift and began the current downward spiraling course I have been on since. Crash and burn...
Enter...my third and hopefully last, 'passion angel'.
I've known her, literally, since the day I arrived in Texas almost 10 years ago.
We are one and the same person...just different bodies and different husbands.
Thoughts, personalities and souls? The same.
She has seen me over the past year change from a vibrant and passionate woman to a lifeless and passionless shell of a person...until she just wouldn't stand for it any longer.
This week, my third and final 'passion angel' kicked me in the butt.
I needed it...and it hurt.
I've not shared my past year with her, or anyone for that matter...but she has watched and seen me change right in front of her eyes. She finally pulled me aside and 'laid it on the line'...her brutal, yet honest assessment of my life was painful to hear...me, who is usually the life of the party, a joy to be around, fun to spend time with and full of life, was no longer liked by anyone...including myself.
So, my options??? Lay down and die????
Or pick myself up and move on...because I have no other options and I've been left with no other choice.
The picture above has now become my permanent 'Passion Angel'. Although I no longer have it to wear, I will use it as my reminder that I no longer need someone else to give me passion...I can find it in myself. I no longer need someone else to kick me in the butt...I can do that myself. And I no longer need to live a life without passion because I have many years of passion left in me to live.
I can now move on...as my own 'passion angel'.

quote...
Touch a woman's heart, you get her love.
Touch a woman's mind, you get her interest.
Touch a woman's soul and you get passion beyond your wildest dreams.

Breakfast of Champions

2011-10-05T17:25:00.000-07:00

This was my breakfast this morning when I finally got out of bed...at 10:32 a.m.
I failed to represent the 'dairy' food group, which was an 8 ounce glass of WHOLE milk to help wash down what I considered a very balanced and much needed break in my current diet.
I had the basics covered...the obvious 2X4 piece of chocolate brownie covered in chocolate frosting, my protein which consisted of a massive spoonful of extra chunky peanut butter which then turned my regular brownie into a 'Reece's Peanut Butter Delightful' protein bar...and then, of course, I had my vitamins and double dose of Prozac.
My bases were covered for the day.

I found the best store ever....
At the beginning of the year I made the resolution that I was going to read a new book every month. I've been able to do that except for the month of April, but after September, I ran out of books that I already had and so was going to need to either go to the library and check some out, or go to Half price Books and get some new one's. So last week, while Del was gone, I went out to Garden Ridge to get some new picture frames for pictures I am going to hang around the house. While walking to the Garden Ridge entrance, I passed another store called 75% off Books and saw these rows and rows of tables stacked with books. I didn't think it would hurt to stop in and just glance through a few of the titles on the tables but I was terribly mistaken. It hurt...and HURT A LOT!!!! The credit card, that is. Two hours and $125 later, I walked out with over 30 books, the most expensive being $5.99. I was a crazy woman!!!! The prices were fantastic and the prices even better. It was almost every title I picked up I put into my cart. I was sooo excited but will still need to tell Del of my 'crazy moment' before the bill comes. That won't be the fun part.
I'm sure glad I cleaned the house spotless last week while Del was gone because I finished the first book today and won't get to house cleaning again for about two more books. I love to read. A nice escape for me and into whatever other world I choose to enter for those next 300 pages. My next book will be a Civil War hardback that jumped out at me calling my name. I'm looking forward to it.
Of course, the reading comes in between NFL and NCAA football games. My team, the Colts, with Austin Collie are 0-4 and will have a losing season this year as their quarterback is out for the season. I'm heartbroken. But my second team, 'The Pack' are currently 4-0 and will most likely have another winning season with hopes of going to the Super Bowl again. In college, I have BYU dragging me on an up and down roller coaster already, only 5 games into the season. But I remain true blue to BYU...always...no matter what.

General Conference was...well...for the first time in 30 years, I watched it alone. Del was in Utah...Kylie was in Utah...I worked in the morning...and..I was feeling...Let's just say, I will be reading the Ensign and hearing the messages for the first time. I did catch a talk here and there, but was not really as dedicated to the watching it LIVE. Kathryn was down in Utah with Del and Kylie and so Del was able to give Kathryn a very special 'father's blessing' that Sunday and she shared part of it with me afterwards. I was grateful for the experience both she and Del had. Del went to Utah to be with his mother and was grateful that while there, she was able to come home from the hospital and he was able to care for her and have some one on one time with her. Kylie was able to take Preston by to see my parents and then to see Shirley and some of his cousins on the Lott side. They had a blast. Kylie, who hates Utah and the weather even mentioned that she might actually be ready to move back to Utah...it was that beautiful. I told her probably 'not yet'...the thought of moving to Utah doesn't bring me anything but ...just not yet.

Today is my daughter in laws birthday. Lexi turns 21. I sent her a message and had Kathryn take her by some flowers and candy at work to let her know we were thinking of her on this special day. Kylie came over yesterday with Preston...child is adorable...brilliant...I hadn't seen him in over a week and he just seemed taller, older, bigger to me. He's starting to talk up a storm and just is sooo happy...and makes everyone around him happy too.

So...life is settling in to...it's settling. Ordering a few family pictures for the walls. Next event will be Thanksgiving and then, of course, Christmas.
Emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually and in every other way...I feel...well? I know I still feel things...but nothing consistently.
"Comfortably Numb" still seems to be the emotion of choice.

In the Eyes of a Jackass

2011-10-04T18:09:00.000-07:00

Is it that I want something that appears to be new and exciting...different...desireable??
Or is it that I want what I have, but just want it to be better?

For The Time Being

2011-10-04T18:01:00.001-07:00

My 'Head to Heart' Connection....

Feeling Lonely

2011-09-30T20:39:00.000-07:00

Del is gone...Kathryn is gone...Jordan and Lexi are gone...Kylie is gone...Preston is gone...Sean and Becky are gone...and I'm here...ALONE.
Rough day yesterday and today...emotionally.
Heartstrings are being tugged on...
and I'm teary.
But I like not having to socialize...but not feeling lonely.
Make sense?
Didn't think so.
Doesn't to me either...

Preston Turns 1

2011-09-29T10:58:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday my sweet grandson!!!
Grandma loves you....

Y.U.M.

2011-09-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday....
M

The Boundary Line Is Drawn

2011-09-26T16:05:00.000-07:00

Years ago, the boundary line was drawn in the sand. Although not drawn by me, I was forced to abide by the law the bold line proclaimed. It was not my choice but it was my pain to bare.
I've lived behind that boundary line for years and years, never once approaching it's biting sting, and as the years have sweetly passed and my life has taken different turns and paths, I have found, that once painful sting, soothingly subsided with the love and compassion of family and friends.
That boundary line, so painfully drawn years ago, has never been washed away, but I've been pondering over the past year, when that boundary line became so blurry? I guess, with the many waves of emotions and memories that washed over that boundary line, the boldness of the line slowly diminished as did the 'sting of the bite'. The pain was replaced by numbness and the hurt was replaced by sweet memories. The brick wall was torn down and the boundary lines faded quickly away.
But boundary lines have a reason and a purpose. They are to protect us...from others..from the enemy...from ourselves and our forgetfulness. Whether drawn in pain or drawn in love, a boundary line has it's time and place and under no condition, is to ever be crossed.
And so, although in recent times, the boundary line lost it's definition in my mind and heart, it is once again, boldly drawn. This boundary line holds both pain and regret.
This boundary line comes with SOME pain but not like the pain of years ago. THAT pain, of years ago, was due to a broken heart. THIS pain will be due to a healed heart that can no longer hold space for a memory of my past. It can't.
A boundary line of regret because it's drawn due to a misunderstanding that mandated the change. Regret because it COULD be different under different circumstances that at this time, do not exist. And regret, because once again, someone else had to draw it.
It is a line that will not be washed away with waves of emotion...or the 'elements of time'. No doubt, tidal waves, hurricanes and thunderstorms will hit this boundary line but will never erase its exactness in my sand.
I will have to stand firm.
But God?? I will need your help.

To My Son

2011-09-25T07:56:00.000-07:00

I hope today is the best...
It was 24 years ago for me.
Happy Birthday Jordan!!!

Needing to Breathe

2011-09-24T20:03:00.000-07:00

What kind of heart doesn't look back?
Hang my head...
My burden to bare, is a love I can't carry anymore.
All I have, all I need...is the air I would kill to breathe...
holds my love in his hands and
still I'm searching for somethin...out of breath,
I'm hoping someday
I'll breathe again.

Listening to Sara B. again

I Just Got This Feeling

2011-09-24T08:55:00.000-07:00

There are very few people in my life that I am able to FEEL things about them either before they happen, when they happen or that they're going to happen. And I'm having that feeling.
And I don't like it...
Had it this whole week...and strongly last night.
Has my heart feeling heavy with worry...concern...loss...helplessness...anxiety.
And nothing I can...or should...do.
So...I don't.
And I wait...to see if I ever learn the 'why' or the 'what'.
Heavy heavy heart.

Family Portrait for 2011

2011-09-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

I think this is the one that will go above the fireplace...

.

These others are also good ones but some of many many that I need to go through and choose which ones to put up on our 'happy wall'. And I have a large selection to choose from...it will be a project I will try to accomplish tomorrow.
We have a fun...happy...family.

Always Something

2011-09-18T17:43:00.000-07:00

We've got two sick cars, one sick dog, my mother in law is on her death bed and BYU lost in football again last night. The van will be finished being fixed tomorrow...$1500 approximately..CHA CHING!! Then, the car will go in on Wednesday and will most likely cost the same amount...more CHA CHING!! Lacey has kennel cough; started two days ago and she has been coughing a terrible cough ever since. I feel so bad for her but it also causes for sleepless nights for us too. Del's mom Shirley, has been in the hospital for over a week; broke her hip and has been recovering but took a BAD turn for the worse. He even tried to talk to her the other day and she was completely incoherent - almost in a coma. He is leaving this weekend, Friday and will go to Utah to spend the week with her. The last time he went to spend some time with one of his parents, his father died on him during the visit. I'm not looking forward to this. But Del feels strongly that he needs to be up there with her. And then BYU got hammered last night by the University of Utah. It shouldn't really matter when it comes to things of significance, but it does to me. In the same sentence as my mother in law dying? No...but the next paragraph. AND, I've gained 3 pounds...
I'm going to hell...pretty sure of it.

The Aftermath

2011-09-13T20:55:00.000-07:00

So, the house is once again, silent.
Our 'Empty Nester's Phase 2' has begun.
I took Kathryn over to meet Jordan and Lexi Monday morning at 6:00 so they could start their trip back to Idaho early. Only 2 minutes from the house we had to turn around to get Kathryn's blanket she left in her room. I sighed a BIG sigh.
Our van had died the Saturday before we left on the cruise, so we had only one car to get me and Del to work...we tried to fix it that night only to find that we didn't have the right part...so today, we were once again with only one car. It's not that big of an inconvenience that I thought it would be...but enough. We're so busy though that we won't have time to get the van to the shop until next week.
But I'm enjoying being back to work...where I can...rest. REALLY!! I am exhausted from our vacation. My kids wore me out!! I now need a vacation from my vacation! Our family pictures are done though so I have enjoyed looking through them and trying to decide which ones to get for our home. Plus, NFL football is in full swing and so is BYU football...so I am one happy camper...as long as my teams are winning.
I need to share one funny side note...real funny.
The Chatterton family watched Lacey while we were gone. They have watched her once before and they love her and things went great. Well, when Del went to pick Lacey up on Sunday, he asked them how things had gone...fine...except apparently Lacey ate one of their birds. They don't have proof except for all the bird feathers Lacey had dripping from her mouth. I bust out laughing...as did they...and their son Bryce, started crying when Del took Lacey home. Seems Bryce loves Lacey and wanted to keep her. Del said it broke his heart to see Bryce crying over Lacey being taken away; bird or no bird.
I guess if that was our worst aftermath from this trip, we did fairly well for our first family reunion!!!
Rest in Peace little bird...and bon appetite Lacey!!!!

Cruisin' Day 7 - and We Arrive Home

2011-09-13T20:24:00.000-07:00

Family meeting...called by our Patriarch...

After BYU suffered their first loss to Texas...I went gambling.
What more did I have to lose????
Caught in the act....
Our last dinner on the ship...Kylie had just been karate chopped in the throat by Jordan....
And it hit us all at the same time...

Night at the Arcades........air hockey, games, guns..and..fun.

Our last sunset....

The beautiful sunset on our last night of a wonderful memory.
Last towel animal....Wally the Walrus.

Our last day/night of the cruise was spent , once again, 'at sea'. We spent the morning having a late family breakfast and then Del called a 'family meeting'. Food Storage....so for almost 2 hours, we planned and talked as a family about our eating and storing food habits. Honestly, not our cup of tea as a family, but we didn't want to disappoint Del because it was important to him.
After the meeting was over, we all ordered room service, took naps, and then went and tried to watch the BYU/Texas game in the ESPN lounge...but it wasn't shown...so I watched another game and some of the US Open tennis finals while trying to catch the BYU score at the bottom of the running screen. Final score?? BYU 16 Texas 17...UGH!!! ARGH!!! I was bummed...big time.
The family went to our last dinner and took some great pictures of the sunset before deciding to spend our last evening in the Arcade Game Room. It was a blast. But after a couple of hours, we went back to our rooms to pack and get things ready for our early departure the next morning when the ship docked at 8:30.
Sunday morning came early - and we were off the ship and on our way home by 9:30, arriving home by 3:00 p.m. Spent the rest of the day feeding the family dinner and doing Kathryn's laundry so she could pack up again and leave early the next morning at 6:00 with Jordan and Lexi to Idaho to go back to school.
So...that's our Del and Marlys Lott family reunion for 2011.
Great fun...great memories and great family.
I feel very blessed.

Cruisin' Day 6

2011-09-13T19:42:00.001-07:00

Each of us got to hold these two very large birds...
The best Mariachi Band this place had ever seen.
Momma finally got to use her Spanish and do some 'bargaining'.
We added one 'Amigo' to the Three Amigos.
The little 'hole in the wall' restaurant we found to eat lunch in.
And it WAS GOOD!!!!
The back streets of Cozumel...
A tourists ride....
any chance for a foto, we took it...
Doing some shopping.

A boot from Texas...store where Del bought his new hat.
My stomping grounds brought to reality.

A little more 'bargaining'...my Spanish came back real quickly.

Our feet after a long day of shopping...tired...

While waiting for the best 'show night' of the cruise, the kids played BINGO.

And of course, the night ended with more ice cream...

and more games....

Towel animal for the night...Snoopy. Really, it was a dog.

Our final port of call was Cozumel Mexico....and it was, by far, the most enjoyable of days for the family. Me personally? I had a rough day.
Mexico....very much like Chile for me...and with that similarity, it brought back a lot of memories for me of my mission and certain people. I spoke Spanish most of the day in our shopping and interaction with the people; bus driver, waiter, store vendors etc. The houses, the back streets, the restaurant, the stores and the people....all of it took me back 32 years to Chile and my heart ached. I snuck away to el bano and found myself in tears for a good few minutes. I even ran across a sign that said 'Mr. Chile' on it. I found myself with heavy sighs through out the day but tried to not fall apart in front of my family. They wouldn't have understood; I barely did myself.
While the rest of the family had ice cream and played some games, I feigned weariness and excused myself to bed early where I cried myself to sleep. Just not a good time to be thinking of my past so I had to 'sleep it away'.

Cruisin' Day 5

2011-09-13T18:50:00.000-07:00

Our second port of call was the Cayman Islands where we enjoyed swimming, snorkeling, kayaking and riding the ski jet.

Our Ferry ride into shore...
and arriving on shore with our ship in the back ground.
Four bathing beauties on the infamous '7 mile beach'.

Getting ready to snorkel.
Beached whale on shore.
Look what the waves washed up on shore???

Exfoliating....

No, not drunk...just tired...
But not too tired to pick up on some men....
And Kathryn finds yet ANOTHER man in port.
Ferry back to ship....water was gorgeous blue.
Shoreline of The Cayman Islands..
OUCH!!! Started pealing 4 days later like a snake.
It's SHOWTIME!!!!!
Every night, we were entertained by our waiters and crew.
Blah blah blah...it'ssssss SHOWTIME!!!
Thursday night found me on the Lido deck in front of the
jumbo tron watching...the Green Bay Packers!!!!
Go Pack Go!!!!
And the Pack comes away with a solid win...on the Caribbean.
Gametime in the cabins....the 'Bean Game'.
Towel animal for the night...Dumbo.

The Cayman Island day was one of our funnest days of the cruise. A lot of water and beach activities and by the end of the day, we were sunburned, exhausted but very happy.