I'm a little unnerved the past days, weeks and even months. Things are happening that just don't seem right to me. and they have me at a loss as to how to handle them and what to do about the feelings.
Some examples, without naming names or identifying those involved...
My dear friend who we just hosted her wedding at our home in December?? He just walked out on her 2 weeks ago. Probably heading for a divorce? How does that happen? Of course, I've only heard her side of the story and I'm heart broken for her. They came from different worlds - had raised their children differently but had decided that they wanted to marry and make it work. I guess the differences became too much - I guess he felt she was controlling - too much for him. So, he left them and took his kids with them. My heart is heavy.
Found out this past week that one of our former Bishop's just went completely inactive and no longer goes to church. I'm stunned. I'm sooo sad for him and his family. My heart hurts for them. How can that happen??? How can you read and research so much information that it turns your heart from the truth to the point you cease coming to church and abandon your covenants??? He's the second Bishop we've had that has done this - gone inactive after being released as Bishop.
I was reflecting today on all the friends and family I know, that have left the church - gone inactive - apostatized. I'm amazed that the number is well over 20 people - that I know personally - from working with them in the church. My last Bishop was the one who helped me through my whole mid life crisis 4 years ago. I owe him my prayers and support...and his family.
And then, in our ward, there are issues - gossiping and back biting are starting up. People not minding their own business and trying to ruin other members lives. I'm stunned at how some of these people WANT to hurt others... it's got to stop. For a ward that is trying to be a member of a stake, where our theme is 'to be of one heart and one mind' - we are not doing very well. I'm so disappointed. I want to go in and sit them all down and say = stop it!! Just stop it right now. Be nice - Be kind - Mind your own business - and if you can't say something nice, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!!
Lastly - I feel a shift happening at work. A sense of desperation in the trying to achieve the 'top status' at any cost. We're forgetting the patients we already have and going to any and all lengths to get new patients. I'm not feeling comfortable with our methods and certainly not with the responses we're getting. It's changing the feel of the office - a sense of panic asking any and everybody to do a review for us, to get a referral from any and everybody, imposing on patients to come at our convenience instead of theirs, etc etc...I'm not liking the shift and I'm feeling I may want to say something here soon.
All of this combined has made for a very pensive weekend. I feel that the life around me is not as it should be. Del says it's signs of the time. I don't like it. I want everyone to make good choices - better choices.-. I guess that would have been Satan's plan, right?
Monday, February 23, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
Emerson Has a Birthday
I can hardly believe that a year has gone by already. He walks, tries to talk, laughs, plays and is just such an adorable little man that it's hard to remember him as a baby.
And he is adored. Del had surgery on the day his parents threw him a birthday party, so we are going over tomorrow and spending some time with him and his parents - taking them all to dinner and then giving him just two little toys. It will be fun to have some one on one time with him.
I sure love you little EM!!!
Sunday, February 15, 2015
A Huge Sigh Of Relief
I am so grateful and feel an overwhelming thanks to my Heavenly Father for watching over my sweet husband before and after his surgery. Good nurses - great surgeon, who approached this surgery with faith and expertise - even asked us to pray with him before he took Del back to operate. I was touched with his level of both physical and spiritual concern over the situation.
Two members of our high priest group came early Friday morning before we left for the hospital, to give Del a priesthood blessing. Such a beautiful blessing of promise and comfort. It was perfect. Del is so admired and loved by the members of our ward. So many prayers and thoughts were shared on his behalf...and many prayers answered when the surgeon reported to me the success of the surgery immediately after he was finished. I didn't realize how anxious and nervous I was over the whole thing until after the surgeon left, and I felt my whole body relax and sink into the chair. I was so grateful to my Father in Heaven for answered prayers.
Lexi came to the hospital with Emerson, which really lightened my anxiety and gave me some relief from what was going on. I was so thankful for her company and joy from Emerson's presence. I was able to experience some joy during a stressful time.
Del is recovering nicely. He's over doing it - not resting like he should - even went to church today and is at a youth fireside tonight. I knew he would - that's Del. I wish he would take the time to heal like he needs to, but Del will always be Del. I can't fight him on it. I just have to trust that he is doing what he needs to to feel well.
I am needing to really dig in to memorizing the music for my choir participation. It's hard...and takes a lot of time that I haven't been giving it. But now that I have Del's situation out of the way, I will try and focus on my choir role. Last Thursday night, Brett listened to each of our voices and then placed us next to others in our section to see where we fit the best. I was put in the 'core' of the second altos - which means, there are 10 out of the about 28 of us, that are called the 'core' - and all the other women are supposed to try and sound like 'the core'. The core 10 ladies sound much alike - we blend really well - I was pleased and will try to sound my best. I had attached myself to three of the ladies right from day one, feeling that I sounded a lot like them. And sure enough, we are the middle of the core. Now, I will try to sing my best.
Life is sweet right now. Valentine's Day yesterday, was spent making my sweetheart homemade bread and playing with the grand kids who came to see Papa. Then we spent the evening watching the BYU basketball game. My idea of a perfect evening. We have no expectations of each other and we just enjoy the simplicity of our peaceful lives. We adore each other and enjoy spending every moment together. This past week was especially intimate and sweet - we are so deeply connected spiritually and in all other ways. It makes life so worth it.
A huge sigh of relief.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
A Twinge of Concern
For over a week, I have felt a few uneasy emotions of anxiety - about Del - and his surgery.
It's silly - just a hernia repair - a simple procedure. Under General Anesthesia.
Del is blowing the whole thing off.
I'm being clingy - wanting to spend a lot of quiet and personal time with him - possessive - desperate for intimacy - I'm not usually like this - EVER. Del's been happy, even giddy to accommodate.
Today, he received a phone call from the hospital asking 'pre-surgery' questions..and being told do's and don't about the day before and day of surgery procedures. One of the last questions he was asked was 'do you have a living will?' Huh??? Why? I assume that's a standard question asked of all surgical patients having a simple hernia repair??? He told them he didn't and they said, 'You may want to get that taken care of before Friday.'
This is where that 'twinge of concern' comes into play. I know there are always risks to any surgery when being put under. And I know and understand there are standard questions that have to be addressed and answered. But I swear, if they ask if he has a DNR or anything like that, I'm calling this whole minor surgery off and just letting him suffer through the rest of his life in hernia distress.
I told him he could let the hospital know that there would be a short red-head in the room that will have no questions as to what to do with the life insurance money and other contents of the will.
Don't push my buttons!!!
It's silly - just a hernia repair - a simple procedure. Under General Anesthesia.
Del is blowing the whole thing off.
I'm being clingy - wanting to spend a lot of quiet and personal time with him - possessive - desperate for intimacy - I'm not usually like this - EVER. Del's been happy, even giddy to accommodate.
Today, he received a phone call from the hospital asking 'pre-surgery' questions..and being told do's and don't about the day before and day of surgery procedures. One of the last questions he was asked was 'do you have a living will?' Huh??? Why? I assume that's a standard question asked of all surgical patients having a simple hernia repair??? He told them he didn't and they said, 'You may want to get that taken care of before Friday.'
This is where that 'twinge of concern' comes into play. I know there are always risks to any surgery when being put under. And I know and understand there are standard questions that have to be addressed and answered. But I swear, if they ask if he has a DNR or anything like that, I'm calling this whole minor surgery off and just letting him suffer through the rest of his life in hernia distress.
I told him he could let the hospital know that there would be a short red-head in the room that will have no questions as to what to do with the life insurance money and other contents of the will.
Don't push my buttons!!!
Friday, February 6, 2015
Chaos in the Bedroom
This is just me...without a chest of drawers.
I've been without one since the end of November when we sold the one I had at a garage sale. Del was planning to make us some new ones, along with a new farm table for my kitchen.
Now, with his hernia surgery scheduled for next week, he will be 'out of commission' for over 6 weeks, and we just can't go that long with my bedroom looking the way it does.
I wanted to go a little 'rustic' with the furniture - Del says 'we have enough shabby chic throughout the house' and he wants to go a little more elegant. So, last weekend, we did us a little shopping and stopped at a place called 'Home Zone', where we found a nice chest of drawers with a mirror on the top that we both liked. While Del was filling out the paper work and paying for it, I roamed through the place and found a dining/kitchen table that I kind of liked - not the 'farm table' I was hoping for, but a really nice marble top table that Del found perfect for his 'elegant look ' he likes. So we ended up buying it too. We should be able to pick them both up sometime next week.
Yesterday, I ended up taking Del's truck to work while he went and took my car to get new tires on it. Apparently, each tire had been worn down to splitting at the seams and I was experiencing a really bumpy ride to work every day. Del says when I get in it today, I will have the smoothest ride ever. And I was thinking his truck was a really smooth ride.
Wishful thinking.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
The Folder: Time to Update
We have a 'folder'.
In the folder, we have all our personal information - pin numbers, bank accounts, life insurance policies, passwords, computer files, wills... etc etc...SOOO, in the case of any emergency, we grab the one folder and have almost all the information we need.
We don't have to use the folder often, if at all. But we do have to update it with new or current information when we get it, or when we are in situations that may mandate needing the information in the folder - like surgeries.
Del is having surgery next week. Nothing serious - a hernia, that HAS been getting worse over the past two months because he hasn't stopped to get it taken care of, but instead, has decided to do even things he shouldn't be doing with a hernia - like roto tilling the garden - shoveling trenches in the garden, planting rows and rows of potatoes, onions and veggies in the garden - carrying and lifting heavy things etc etc..Basically, just being Del without a hernia.
But now, it's gotten painful enough that he finally brought it to my attention AND called the doctor himself for an appointment. THAT'S when you know its bad....when HE says it hurts and goes to the doctor. So yesterday, he goes to the surgeon, who confirms he has a hernia - a big one, and then proceeds to explain the surgical procedure and what it will include. In this conversation, he also mentions to Del that where he would usually do this surgery in a surgical center under general anesthesia, he instead, wants to do it in the hospital with an anesthesiologist and emergency facilities because of Del's MS. Apparently, MS patients tend to have more complications from anesthesia and surgery than others, and he just wants to be in the hospital where he would have emergency help if he needed it.
GULP.
That's when I told Del, it was time to update the folder.
I'm not freaked - I'm not paranoid - I'm wanting to be prepared; smart; ready, for anything.
Mainly, because there are some things in the folder I have no idea about and I just need to know.
So, last night, I asked Del if he would just get the folder ready and completed before surgery...just to give me a sense of security.
After some teasing and joking, he agreed it would be a good thing to have done.
In the folder, we have all our personal information - pin numbers, bank accounts, life insurance policies, passwords, computer files, wills... etc etc...SOOO, in the case of any emergency, we grab the one folder and have almost all the information we need.
We don't have to use the folder often, if at all. But we do have to update it with new or current information when we get it, or when we are in situations that may mandate needing the information in the folder - like surgeries.
Del is having surgery next week. Nothing serious - a hernia, that HAS been getting worse over the past two months because he hasn't stopped to get it taken care of, but instead, has decided to do even things he shouldn't be doing with a hernia - like roto tilling the garden - shoveling trenches in the garden, planting rows and rows of potatoes, onions and veggies in the garden - carrying and lifting heavy things etc etc..Basically, just being Del without a hernia.
But now, it's gotten painful enough that he finally brought it to my attention AND called the doctor himself for an appointment. THAT'S when you know its bad....when HE says it hurts and goes to the doctor. So yesterday, he goes to the surgeon, who confirms he has a hernia - a big one, and then proceeds to explain the surgical procedure and what it will include. In this conversation, he also mentions to Del that where he would usually do this surgery in a surgical center under general anesthesia, he instead, wants to do it in the hospital with an anesthesiologist and emergency facilities because of Del's MS. Apparently, MS patients tend to have more complications from anesthesia and surgery than others, and he just wants to be in the hospital where he would have emergency help if he needed it.
GULP.
That's when I told Del, it was time to update the folder.
I'm not freaked - I'm not paranoid - I'm wanting to be prepared; smart; ready, for anything.
Mainly, because there are some things in the folder I have no idea about and I just need to know.
So, last night, I asked Del if he would just get the folder ready and completed before surgery...just to give me a sense of security.
After some teasing and joking, he agreed it would be a good thing to have done.
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