Better Late Than Never

It's 5:00 a.m. and I am schedule for a Colonoscopy today at noon.
I should have had one ten years ago, as my doctor so adamantly pointed out at my last annual check up.  It's one of those procedures that you have to do 'when you get old' - like mammograms, and cancer checks etc. 
But I guess I now qualify.  I always thought that old was around the age of 60.  That will be me in January, so I figured I would get all of these procedures knocked out of the way so that on my 60th birthday, I could declare myself  'healthy' from head to toe, until my next check up.
I asked Del the other day if, when younger, he ever wondered what physical ailments he might have to endure as an aging adult. 'NEVER'.  Of course he didn't.  But I did. My mom had double breast cancer and arthritis - my dad ended up dying of Parkinson's disease.  I would have NEVER guessed that  would be what took his life. 
So, what would I suffer from??  I've had skin cancer, I have EARLY symptoms of Parkinson's, and honestly, I'm losing my memory.  I have anxiety and panic attacks, but nothing really that indicates I could die from it.  So, that's good.  Del has MS, but is he dying from it?  Not currently, although he DOES have a lot of discomfort/pain from it.  He's going to die from me driving him crazy!!
Wish me luck today.  The prep has only required me to stay close to a bathroom.  Otherwise, I've dropped a good five pounds of pure water and waste weight.  See, there IS a positive side to all this.
I'm having a general anesthesia so I'll come home slightly groggy, but it makes for a great excuse to just park myself on the couch and watch college football !!
Happy day!

BYU Devotional by President Russel M. Nelson - The Love and Laws of God

Truth #1 - We are sons and daughters of God and he has chosen for us to be on this earth at this time.

Truth #2 - Truth is Truth - truth is from God and not from any other source.
                  Absolute truth cannot be altered by the opinions of man.
                  Truth is based upon God's law.

Truth #3 - God Loves Us with Perfect Love
                 God wants us to CHOOSE to return and live with him.
                 The entire reason we are here on earth is to qualify to live with him forever.
                 There is a strong connection between God's love and His laws.  His law reflects His perfect
                  love for us.
                 Divine law is incontrovertible - it's an absolute truth - it always works - His gift to us.
                    1- All blessings are predicated upon obedience to the law - God's greatest blessings are                             reserved for those who obey His laws.
                    2- Every kingdom, a law is given.

Truth #4 - The Lord appoints prophets and apostles to teach His law.
                 They are commanded to teach truth and hold firm to the laws of God.
                 Prophet and apostles are able to make POLICY changes but not LAW changes

Truth #5 - The Whisperings of the Holy Ghost can testify of Truth
                 We can know for ourselves of truth by seeking confirmation from the Holy Ghost.
                 Ask if church is true - Ask if Prophet and apostles are called of God - ask if this
                  message today is true -
                 
President Nelson then invoked a blessing upon the congregation, as prophet of the church, that any listening to this message would be blessed to be able to discern right from wrong, between the laws of God and the conflicting voices of the world. And with power to detect Satan's deceptions and a greater capacity to receive revelation.

The Millennial Mormon

I'm obsessed with this topic.
Mainly because my three children are millennials.
But also because, there are many millennial I know in the church and in my family, that are leaving the church. And I want to know why.  I know what I am being told by some, I know what my own children are telling me, but I'm refusing to believe that there isn't more to the story.
In my generation, the Generation X, we LOVED and revered our church leaders.  They are men of God.  We didn't question them because we truly believed, and still believe that they speak for our Father in Heaven.  We loved our living prophet, his counselors and the quorum of the twelve. We had their pictures on the walls of our homes.  Our children KNEW who their prophet was and loved and prayed for him.
So I am stunned to see the #2 bullet point.  Is there some priesthood leadership 'cover-up' in the church about some unknown doctrine I don't know about??? I am told, that the main principle of church history that is affecting those questioning the truthfulness of the church is about Joseph Smith, the First Vision and the Book of Mormon.  Apparently, there are details that have many wondering the validity of experiences shared by Joseph Smith - his prayer, vision and then actions following the first vision.  And then, knowing those differences in the story, church leaders have hidden the controversy from members of the church to only keep members focused on the facts they want us to know, to avoid faith based questions.  Personally, I don't care how many versions of the First Vision Joseph Smith shared or wrote, only that the ultimate result is the same - he saw the Father and the Son and was told what he was told.  But to those questioning the facts, they don't like the differencing of the versions shared.  They want consistency - no variations. That certainly wouldn't lead me to questions - but it does to others.
Also, I would NEVER believe the prophet or brethren to lie to the members of the church - or not provide the truth.  The question is though, are they telling us 'the whole truth' or are they holding things back from us?  I don't know.  What don't we know that we NEED to know?  If the Lord felt we needed to know something, then I believe he would lead our prophet to give us any and all information the Lord wants us to have to be able to return and live with Him.  What else do I need to know??? But to those questioning?  Apparently that is not enough.  They want the WHOLE truth and story to be able to judge for themselves.  Sometimes, the Lord with holds that from us because we are not prepared to live the higher law, or do with the whole knowledge what needs to be done.  Sometimes, getting all you asked for is not for the best.
LGBT issues: - of course the church has a stand on this issues.  It's God's law given to members of the church.  They are not commandments and laws of man that we are asked to live.  And we certainly don't conform to the desires of man, just so they can 'feel better'.  If the church doesn't meet your ideals or needs, then by all means, it is most likely not for you.  But we can't ask God to change truth to accommodate those who get their feelings hurt because they don't meet that standard of truth.  Those questioning though, believe the church should be 'all inclusive'.  That's like giving everyone a trophy just for participation.  Or allowing all the same benefits in a company just because they're employed by the same boss. NO, blessings are earned by obedience to GOD's commandments.  You don't get the same health benefits if you smoke and drink alcohol as the participant who DOESN'T smoke or drink.    Blessings are EARNED. Temple attendance is sacred and only allowed to those who have lived a life that merits those blessings.  God has established laws about same sex marriages, homosexuality/lesbianism  and in order to receive HIS blessings in HIS church, you have to obey HIS rules.  If you want something other than that, then you have to choose another path for you.  Why would you insist on making GOD change HIS church to accommodate your lifestyle and choices?? Because He loves you?  Yes, He does.  He loves ALL his children and has given us all the gift of agency.  So if in using that gift of agency, you choose to do something contrary to His will, you lose the blessing.  You don't still get what you would have gotten had you been obedient to His law.
Do I understand everything of the feelings and stand of those questioning the church?  Of course not.  But I do know one thing.  God will NEVER change truth and His law to make his children happy.  He expects them to be happy and joyful by LIVING the law that he promises will bring us ultimate joy and happiness   And I believe him when he says that he knows what that is for me.  I would much rather trust him than trying to figure it out for myself in this world we live in.
Abandoning our faith because it doesn't answer all the questions would be like closing the shutters because we can't see the entire mountain.
It is consistent, repetitive holy behaviors that will shape us into children of God and consecrate our souls.

Did I Teach Them Enough??

Millennial Tears

I'm the mother of three Millennials. Age 32, age 30 and age 26.
Definition of a Millennial?  There were SOOO many to choose from - but this image above showed the opinion from those who ARE millennials and from those who AREN'T milliennials.  In my opinion?  Almost accurate -there are a few more adjectives I would add to the list, but not here.
What do I mean?  All three of my children are extremely determined to be independent, free thinkers and creative in their ways of making money.  Once they decide to do something, they give it 100% of their effort and time and show not an ounce of laziness in trying to accomplish their goal.  They have sooo many of the positive qualities of the Millennial - but they also have sooo many of the negative.  It was the same in my generation.  I had a lot of the positive characteristics, right along with most of the negative one's too.  And just like I am now crying over some of the choices being made by my three millennials, my parents cried over my generation X choices just the same.
MY difficulty is trying to love them the same after they make their choices.  I am confessing that I have the worst characteristic of being judgmental.  It has been something that I have struggled with my whole life.  A very UN-Christlike quality, I tend to feel differently towards people who don't make, what I think, are the right choices.  I tend to judge them as 'less' or 'not worthy of' blessings or love from me or my Heavenly Father.  How can I justify that??  I can't.  And I HAVE to repent.  I am NO-ONE to feel that I can think anything less of someone because I feel they have chosen a path I would not find acceptable.  Therein lies ME, the sinner.
I love each of my children.  I do.  But I also judge them, in my mind, as they choose things contrary to what they have been taught from Del and me, as their parents.  I fail to realize that they received the SAME beautiful gift from our Father in Heaven, that of AGENCY.  They are able to CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES the path they will live.  Yes, my heart aches when I feel they choose something contrary to what I feel is right.  BUT I CANNOT stop loving them as I have always loved them.  That would make ME THE SINNER.. and that's what I've been doing.
My love for my children must be unconditional.  I have prayed for the Lord to soften my heart from hurt and anger...and this morning, as I read and studied my scriptures, I could actually see and feel towards my children, some love not previously there.  I still cry over my fears of losing my children spiritually, but cannot control their choices.  But I CAN love them as MY children, as people, as friends and as parents of my sweet grandchildren.  I can love them because they are good people, making so many other good choices.
Making the same choices I make does NOT make someone good or bad.
And that applies to anyone - my children, my friends, my family and other church members.
I want to be as my Savior and LOVE.  It IS the only feeling a mother should have for her children.
This is my desire.  This is my hearts desire.

PS - 2 hours later -
Every day, at various times of the day, I read the church news off my computer.
And I did this about 2 hours after writing this post.  In one of the talks given from President Dallin Oaks at a Regional conference in Arizona, I read the following quote, that I found important to acknowledge in concerns to this post.
It read as follows: Unconditional love does not mean unconditional acceptance of bad behavior
I must remember this.  I don't ever want there to be the mistake of my unconditional love giving the impression that I am accepting of sin.

Personal Lessons Learned in the Scriptures

This morning, in my scripture study, I was reading about the visit of the Savior to the America's after His resurrection.  This is my favorite part of the Book of Mormon.  This is the part where more than anything, I wish I could have been there to share in the experience of the Savior coming and blessing His 'sheep' in the land Bountiful.  These are the people of Nephi, the grandson of Helaman, and for the most part, they love the Lord and are trying to live a righteous life, with the occasional pride cycle taking a turn in their generation.
In Chapter 11, it begins with a great multitude being gathered around the temple, where they are talking about  'this Jesus Christ' of whom the sign had been given concerning his death. During this conversation, they suddenly hear, as if from the heavens, a voice of which they cannot understand.  It's not a loud voice nor a harsh voice, but a 'small voice which did pierce them that did hear it, to their very soul, and did 'cause their hearts to burn'.
I've never felt that.  Have you??  Yes, I have been stirred at times, to the words shared by our prophets during General conference, or even during a song - it pierces me to my soul.  But is that same as these people felt? 
The voice came a second time and the people still not understand that which was being said.  Then the third time they did hear the voice, 'they did open their ears to hear it' and looked upward to heaven.  The third time, they finally understood what was being said, and in verse 7, the Father introduces his Son, 'Behold My Beloved Son...hear ye him'.
This is where the first lesson for me is taught.
The Father spoke 3 times, trying to get the attention of the people.  And not until the third time, did they finally 'open their ears to hear it', and understood what the Father was saying.  Typical of me to be one that doesn't hear until the 3rd or even 4th time.  Are you the same?  How many of us do not hear the words of the prophets, our Bishop, our Stake President and other priesthood leaders.  Our ears are not open, so we do not FEEL the piercing of their message.  The piercing does NOT come until we have prepared ourselves to HEAR and OBEY the message - THEN we feel the piercing in our hearts and soul.  THAT is when we make the changes asked of us.
The heavens open and the Savior descends down to stand in the midst of the multitude.  All eyes are on him and all mouths are silenced.  They don't speak a word, mainly because they are not quite sure who he is - maybe an angel?  The Savior sees they do not know who he is - so in versus 10 and 11, he introduces himself as Jesus Christ, the light of the world, explains garden of Gethsemane and suffered the will of the Father in all things.
As soon as Jesus finishes his introduction, the multitude immediately fell to the earth as they remember that it had been prophesied that Christ would show himself unto them after his resurrection.  And now, He was here.  Prophesy was fulfilled.  THEY were the people he promised to visit.  And now he was here.
This is where the second lesson for me is taught.
Have we not received a similar prophecy in our latter days?  Will he not, again, return and 'show himself' to his people of the world?  Do I believe what I have been told, or do I , as many of them did, no longer believe the promises and prophecy made of his return?  It has been a long time that the Second coming has been prophesied of?  Generations and centuries have passed and he has still not returned.  We are told 'the time is near'  What does near mean?  In my lifetime? The lifetime of my children? Grandchildren?
The fact is, it doesn't matter when.  It only matters that it WILL happen.  That is what we are promised.  It WILL happen, and he WILL return.  And I'm to continue my path of obedience, trusting the prophecy, that even if not in my lifetime, he WILL return and my obedience to his plan and commandments is all that will save me at that time.  The covenants and promises I have made to Him are still required, whether I'm here when he returns or not.
These next versus are where my desire to' be there in the moment' come into play.  The Savior turns to the multitude and invites them 'to arise and come forward' so they can thrust their hands into his side and feel the prints of the nails in his hands and his feet.
What??!!  They are invited to TOUCH the Savior - to have physical contact with a resurrected being who was their Savior.  How many people do you think were  there?  Thousands -?  Maybe more?  And yet, the next verse says that the multitude went forth and did exactly as he had invited them to do.  ONE BY ONE, they thrust their hands into his side; touched his feet and hands, all the way down to the very last person in line.
This is where the third lesson for me is taught.
Why??  Why did the Savior invite those thousands in the multitude to come forward and TOUCH him?  And not just touch him, but touch the wounds caused from his crucifixion??  The hands, his feet and his side - all injuries made from the act of the Crucifixion.
They became witnesses of who he was.  The Savior wanted them to KNOW who he was.  No longer faith, no longer just a prophecy, but a fulfillment of prophecy and the promise made from the Father of us all.  They were now witnesses that He was indeed the God of Israel, God of the whole earth and the one who had been prophesied of by the prophets.  They had a personal witness.  And they once again 'fell to the earth'.
Will I EVER be invited to have a similar experience with the Savior??  Most likely, not in this life.  In fact, I'm a 100% sure it will NEVER happen in my lifetime.  Does this relieve me of  the Saviors desire for me to have a 'personal witness' of who he is??  Can I only have this witness by personal physical experience?  No.  I can still ask for and receive a witness that the Savior is EXACTLY who he says he is.  But I have to live by faith.  The need for faith has not been removed from MYwitness experience.  I have to believe that his nail prints in his hands and his feet, and the gash in his side, were for me.  I can't touch them.  I can't see them.  But I can know they were for me.  But all by faith.
I have my personal witness.

Dealing with My Emotional 'Skeletons'

 I've been an emotional wreck for years.  I know you hear a lot of people say that and it usually means for about 10 years or so.  But no, I really mean I've been dealing with it for YEARS. Like 51 years, to be exact.
At around age 8, my grandfather started sexually abusing me.  It wasn't once, or twice, but over a period of about 3-4 years, it was continual.  There were many times that I spent the night at Grammie and Grandpa's house, and he seemed to always do it after Grammie would go to bed.  Otherwise, it was most often at my house when he and Grammie would come to visit. I didn't tell anyone for multiple reasons, the main one being, my grandpa told me not to. Plus, at first, I didn't know there was anything wrong with what he was doing as he told me it was a way for him to show me he loved me.  It made sense. I never questioned his explanation until I FELT it was wrong, like around age 10. Then I started questioning why he always took me into my bedroom to show me he loved me, and why he only did it when no-one else was around.  I started to feel uncomfortable,  enough to the point that I would hide or make myself scarce whenever he would come to the house.
At some point, the abuse stopped.  I honestly don't remember when exactly or why, I just know it stopped when I was about ready to enter the Young Womens program at church. I was relieved that I no longer had to hide or avoid Grandpa any more and that I was then too old to do the Friday night sleepovers. 
But it was already too late.  Those 3-4 years had triggered some emotions and physical feelings in my mind and body that I was WAY too young to be experiencing at that age.  I had already started my period at age 9 and I'm pretty sure hormones and mood swings were in full force by the time I was 11 or 12.  I became a nightmare to my parents.  I was boy crazy like no other!!  I had emotions all over the map - happy one moments, sad the next.  Angry, deceitful, flirty, rebellious, stubborn, obnoxious and just overall, a very big handful of stress for my parents.  At the time, I had no idea why the drastic change in my thinking and acting and of course, my parents were clueless.  Not because they didn't care, but because they just didn't know what to see or look for.
My years between 12-18 were very difficult for me.  I was not very cute - redhead, glasses, freckles, braces - you could have just put a bulls eye on my forehead that said 'ugliest girl in school' and that would have been me.  So I tried to be popular and failed miserably. I tried to be smart and failed miserably.  But the one thing I could do was, I could sing.  And I could sing well.  I was in choir, the only one who could sing an alto part.  And I didn't need any help doing it.  I was loud and had a strong voice.  I was able to pick out my part and know it before the teacher even had to teach me it. I was the lead in all the school musicals and got 'good and positve' attention from the success of my singing.  I had found my niche in life.
Going into high school, my emotions and behavior were the same, just at a high school level. My boy craziness and need for opposite sex attention was increasing.  I was needing to be loved - validated - wanted etc.  My dad was in a position in the church that he dealt with the missionaries, of which I flirted with every single one that would allow me to.  I would lie to be important.  I was doing sneaky things and becoming a master deceiver of my life.  This continued all through high school and in to my first year at BYU.
When I was age19, my dad was called as a mission president to Chile and so I moved, along with my family, to South America and became a full time missionary.  Before leaving the country though, I spent two months in the Prove MTC, where I found myself interacting with about 2000 19 yr old Elders.  Not a good situation for me as I had just left the scenario of a BYU coed flirting with anyone wearing pants on campus.  Now, I found myself in the same situation with only a few different details - the pants had changed from jeans to a suit and I wasn't on campus anymore, but at the MTC.  But it was still me and 2000 young men.  Before leaving the MTC two months later, I had told at least 3 young Elders that I was in love with them and they were sure I would write the whole mission and then marry them when we got home.  I'm so sorry. 
My mission was a disaster.  It was OBVIOUS I was there for the wrong reason.  I had no testimony, I had no desire to be there and I was totally undisciplined and disobedient.  I found myself falling for the one missionary who was also there for the wrong reasons but was going home in about 6 months.  But that gave us just enough time to 'fall in love', proclaim our loyalty to each other before my dad found out  and said elder went home on time.  No further details.
I came home to a guy I had dated before the mission that just seemed to want to play games with me - and I did NOT have time for that.  So my searching for love went into FULL THROTTLE HIGH GEAR.  I kissed tons - led on about 4 guys at a time - two of those elders came home hoping to marry me and I played with them long enough to hook them hard and then DUMP.  I was engaged 3 times and was getting deeper and deeper into a hole I could not see myself getting out of.  Promiscuous???  The worst.  Not even morally conscious of any of my actions.  The missionary from Chile? He had played me and when I got home, he was engaged to be married.  I finally knew how it felt to be the one on the being dumped end of the game.  It hurt.  That wasn't going to happen again.
I was miserable and I was making a lot of people miserable right along with me.  Mind you, my parents are still in Chile at this time and I have secrets - demons - skeletons - that are all trying to get out of my closet.  But I've become a master at keeping that closet door securely closed.  And I'm not about to change my plan yet.
Enter Del Lott.  Good guy - hard working farm boy from Idaho.  Handsome, kind, slightly awkward, very spiritual, honest and looks great in jeans and boots.  I start my game that I have become so expert at but he's not as easily persuaded that I am all that I am portraying myself to be.  To state it simply, he's just not falling for my leading role.  I'm figuring I may actually have to make some sincere changes.
Long story short, I make some necessary changes to at least make Del think I may be worth the fight of going through all the remaining changes together.  But it will take some time to get rid of a LOT of bad habits established since the age of eight.  I had become an expert attention getter, liar, drama queen and emotional wreck.
Add to that, our first child, Michael.
The reason for giving you all this background is to establish the fact that I was a justified and certified NUT CASE!! 
Our Michael was born with some life threatening physical issues of which he succumbed to the Christmas after his 2nd birthday.  I can't do the details at this time of his 2 years on this earth and all that encompassed for both Del and me.  Suffice it to say, Michael was our whole lives - every waking moment and most generally our sleeping moments also.  His death created a void in our lives that remained hallow and empty for years to come.  And it just fueled my CRAZY into a frenzy of ups and downs.  I went numb for years.  No emotions, until I finally couldn't function any more.  One of my first meltdowns happened right before finding out I was finally, after almost 4 years, pregnant with Jordan.
Between the pregnancy, delivery and hormones bouncing off the walls, I was soon pregnant again with Kylie.  Four years later came Kathryn.  I'm now pretty much running on emotional fumes. 

 My highs are really high and my lows become really low.  I'm not kind to my children and have little to no patience in dealing with every day life. 
Enter...PAXIL. 
I knew I needed help the moment I had Jordan pinned up against the wall with my left hand and my right hand about ready to punch him in the face.  I remember the look on his face and immediately dropped him and called the doctor.
My first diagnosis of depression and hormonal imbalance - and I was given drugs.  Del was not to pleased.  Thought it could be dealt with in many other ways other than that of medication.  I told  him that I needed his support, not shame.
I have always been known as lively and the life of the party.  If I'm not making people laugh and having fun, I'm not doing my job.  The medication changed a little of that for me.  Instead of the high highs and the low lows, I was more even keel - kind of emotionally flatlined.  But I was okay with that.

I'm now 59 years old.
I've been on Paxil and other meds for over 30 years now.  I've attempted a few times to ween myself off the meds only to find myself back to high highs and low lows.  I don't want to do that.  And yet, I'm not necessarily completely flatlined either.  I have been able to find a happy balance of my emotions, although my anxiety level is at an all time high.  I'm not able to handle a few situations as positively and with as much confidence as I used to - mainly in singing.  Of all things, the thing I love the most, I no longer do.  I don't sing anymore.  I've lost a lot of my quality so as to not really perform anymore, but I will still sing in the car and the shower.  I got rid of almost all the stress in my life by quitting my job back in June.  So between that and no longer trying to meet the expectations and dreams of everyone else, I have taken to reading my scriptures hours a day, relaxing more with my family and grandchildren and enjoying my life of retirement.  I even take naps!! I've increased my temple attendance, often going alone at least twice a month and the other times with Del.
The spirit often pushes me into a space of growth that exists only outside my comfort zone.  So I've tried to widen my comfort zone a little to be able to experience this growth that I need at this time in my life.  Baby steps.
I'm no longer shamed to acknowledge that I need help in being mentally healthy and capable of handling life's situations that come my way.  I need help.  I am trying to take better care of the overall me.  I find much more joy when I am emotionally balanced.
So, I take my Paxil, read my scriptures, attend the temple, increase my prayers and try to serve those of whom I have stewardship over with a cheerful and willing heart.
No more skeleton's in my closet!!

Coming Out of Today's Closet

It's a different generation -
....different trials
....different secrets
....different shame
....different phobias
....different heartaches
....different struggles
....different closet.

'Coming Out of the Closet' used to mean you were disclosing to others that you were either gay or lesbian and you were liberating yourself from that burden of secrecy.  I guess it still does mean that in most of the world.  But in the world of the church and being a female in that church, 'coming out of the closet'  means disclosing that you are either a manic depressive or have a depression/anxiety and panic disorder that you are now disclosing to other members of the church.
And it's real. And it doesn't affect only the sisters in the church, (although they are mostly female in my circle), but all variations of members - youth, male, female, old, young, married, not married, employed, unemployed , active, less active - etc etc...it affects the strong and the weak and it takes no preference as to who it captures in it's web and tortures.
My cousin Meredith and his wife were recently called to be the new Mission President and companion in one of the missions in Peru.  In extending the call, Meredith asked Pres. Oaks if he had any questions or concerns about what he should be doing to prepare for serving as a Mission President.  President Oaks response has left me concerned and worried for the members of the church.  He told Meredith to 'spend a good amount of time studying and educating himself to the problems of mental illness, anxiety, depression and low self esteem.'  These are the trials of the youth today and especially of those preparing to go on missions.
And it's rampant throughout the world.  In just over the past year, I have known at least 3-4 missionaries who have come home early from their missions, burdened by these ailments in their health.  I have had at least, 10-12 CLOSE friends and family, diagnosed and disclosing personal mental health issues.  And I, myself, suffer from anxiety and panic attack issues related and due to stress. I have not, as yet, disclosed to outsiders, that I suffer from such disorders.  Only a select few know that I am on medications to help me deal with the issues of anxiety, stress and panic.
Why have I remained silent?  Most often, those suffering from these disorders are shamed, embarrassed or feel 'lesser than' they SHOULD be in the eyes of others. We are guilted into feeling insufficient in our capabilities to serve, to be the perfect mother, perfect wife, perfect employer or perfect member of the church.  We feel 'LESSER THAN' others. So we remain silent and suffer in our secret.
But over the past 5 years or so, the church and society is very much encouraging the 'coming out of the closet' to those who suffer from mental health issues.  We are being counseled to 'get help' and in turn, 'help those who suffer along side us'. Listen to those who suffer - accept those who suffer - love and understand those who suffer - and as a sufferer, GET HELP!!
I heard a quote that hit me profoundly this past weekend -
"Shame dies when stories are told in a safe place".
For those that I love and those who may need me, I want to be that safe place.  I want to help take away the shame and give them a place where they feel safe enough to disclose their most heart wrenching difficulties with this illness. Where they will not be judged - where they will be valued for what they can offer - where they can be appreciated for what they ARE able to contribute-  where they can get advice from one who has suffered for years and finally gotten the help to cope with my most difficult of times.  I can now help.
So, COME OUT OF YOUR CLOSETS and let's be friends.  Let me help you.  Let me give you a safe place to share your story.
I will listen.
I will help you.
I will love you.