Off the Top of My Head

 No pictures or captions to post this time because there are sooo many subjects and topics I'm going to hit here.

First of all; it's been almost a month since I have posted.  It's been hot; incredibly hot during the past 3-4 weeks.  Too hot to even go outside and enjoy being out of the house.  That's so disappointing to me.  I hate living somewhere that I have to stay in the house all day to be comfortable.  It tends to give me anxiety and depression.  Because of the heat, we have lost the remaining part of our garden and now Del has replanted - corn - hoping that something will work for a winter garden.  I guess it would anywhere there is a winter, but I'm not holding my breath for Texas.  

The 5 year shake up happened a few weeks ago.  You know - when it's time to realign the ward boundaries of two wards to give to two other wards and our ward needs a new Bishopric.  Our dear friend Brandon Burton was called as our new Bishop (best man) - and his counselors are wonderful too - with one of the them being our YW Presidents husband- meaning she was released also.  So our YW first counselor, Leslie Anderson was called as the new President and I will work with her and the Laurels.  We got a new RS presidency and will get a new Elders Quorum presidency probably next week.  Del was released from the EQ presidency as was called to be on the high council in the stake.  Slight disappointment, as he LOVES working hands on with members of the ward, but he just figures the Lord wants him to take his message throughout the stake.  I'm still on the organ too - going into my 8th year.

My body is falling apart.  I ache from head to toe almost all the time - arthritis in my knees and shoulders - and my neck has been hurting since my trip to Mexico in March when I kinked it while zip lining.  I have to go get it seen this next week to see what's going on.  I have gained 3-4 pounds back from March and feel sluggish so I am trying to get THAT back off.  We have had Covid through the house again, mainly with Kathryn and Ammon and it just seems like someone is sick all the time around here.  My emotions and anxiety have been at an all time high - Saturday, after playing at a baptism, I got lost coming home.  Didn't recognize where I was, how I got there or how to get out of it.  I called Del crying as I completely fell apart.  It's happening more often and so I'm finding myself turning more and more into a recluse, just staying in the safety and comfort of my home.

But not able to do that at the end of this week.  I committed us to a vacation/trip to Wyoming to visit Chad and Bethany, then Del's step mom Darlene and then on down to be at Becca and Lance's home, and what will then be my mom's home too.  We will be helping her move in the last of her stuff while we are there.  I made the plans so many months ago, and now as the time approaches, all I want to do is stay home and watch the BYU football games on TV and not interact with anyone.  I know I will be happy I went AFTER the fact.  It's just right now, the trip looks to be long driving and sleepless nights in hotels and someone else's bed.  And I REALLY hate having to be social right now - carrying on conversations and entertaining people in those conversations.  I'm SO anti-social right now.

A few weeks ago, my mother asked me to call her.  It was because she had no-one else to talk to.  I realized that, but I didn't allow her to know that I knew that was the reason. Elaine is her lifeline, but Elaine was on a 3 week vacation with her husband.  Becca has been completely overloaded with Lance's needs and being RS president.  Jennifer is babysitting grandchildren and can't go see mom.  JD and Tiffany have left for Peru on their mission - and so mom needed me.  I took advantage of the situation and totally comforted her and gave her the confidence she needed to make it through some situations she was being faced with .  My mother is British - sooo British - stiff upper lip, independent, self reliant and no tears from her over the years I was growing up.  Now, since she has lost daddy and gotten older, she has become a whole different person.  She is extremely vulnerable, confused, insecure and needy, in a good way.  For the first time, she is actually needing her children for comfort, support, advice and love.  She cried.  I probably saw my mom cry maybe 2-3 times in my life - I told her it was nice to hear her FEEL emotions - express those emotions through tears.  I told her I truly felt that our phone conversation was a spiritual experience that I thanked her for allowing me to have with her.  I was glad to be the one who was able to help her THAT day.  It was very tender for me. I don't know how much longer I'll have my mother here on earth - not long I think. So I need a few more memories with her. - Next week will be nice to be with her.

My son in law lost his job recently, had 3 weeks off before he found another great job.  The three weeks he didn't work, he of course took care of Peyton.  A two edged sword - I loved the time off coming and going as I pleased, but I missed my daily minute to minute interaction with Peyton.  Ammon's new job has different hours and days - it's now 5 consecutive days, 9:00- 5:00 and I'm exhausted by the increase in hours and to ending later in the day.  I can't believe that those little changes have affected me so much.  Plus, Ammon and Kathryn have literally been sick for what seems like 3 weeks now.  It causes for a heavy tired feeling with everyone.  I'm surprised I haven't come down with Covid.

Okay.  I'm done.  Tired of being so negative and anxious.  I'm sooo glad we're going into the Fall and I have the NFL and BYU football to lift my spirits.  Plus, the Texas weather HAS TO CHANGE AT SOME POINT in this year.  It CAN'T be over a 100 degrees the rest of the year.  I sooo want to move back to Utah.  Don't get me started.

D&C 121-123 'O God, Where Art Thou?...'

 

It was from here that Joseph Smith made his plea to the Lord for the suffering saints.

This is Liberty Jail - a replica of where Joseph Smith and others were held for over 4 months .

'O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?  How long shall thy hand be stayed, and thine eye, yea, thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries?  Yea, O Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions, before thine heart shall be softened toward them, and thy bowels be moved with compassion toward them'....

Joseph Smith's pleadings continue for a few more versus on behalf of himself and his fellow saints, that are truly being persecuted by others.  But it's not so much Joseph's pleading to the Lord, although earnest and desperate, that have me so moved by these versus.  It's the Lord's reply to JS that has me inspired and touched - 

'My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high;,,,thou are not yet as JOB; ...'  Then it continues for another section until we come to sec 122: vs 5-9 where the Lord tells JS that all his trials, perils and travails shall give him experience and be for his good.  Then the Lord ends with this profound question for Joseph Smith..

   'The Son of Man hath descended below them all.  Art thou greater then he?'

Art thou greater than he?  Humbling question, wouldn't you think?  Like 'who are YOU to complain to me?'  But He knows that the saints and prophets are suffering as He gives this last verse of counsel..

   'Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee; for their bounds are set, they cannot pass.  Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.'

As the tour guide at Liberty Jail quoted these verses , I was taken back at the response the Lord gave Joseph Smith, in that, Joseph was not going to die any sooner or later than he was predicted to die by the Lord.  The Lord had things under control, and nothing man could do would change the results of Joseph's life. And that is how the Lord is with his saints, his righteous followers, his children.  He has things happen according to plan - HIS plan.

And for this, I am truly grateful.  It is comforting to know that HE knows it all - and is in charge.  I just need to follow Him - obey Him and accept his son's atonement.  

Liberty Jail.  The picture says it all.

Painting: My Escape

 I'm not artistic AT ALL.  But I can follow directions.

I started about 10 years ago, going to a place called Painting With a Twist.  It's where an art instructor will be up at the front of the room, and while he/she paints, we do likewise on our own canvas at our table.  I don't have to come up with WHAT I want to paint, , I just have to paint what the artist paints.  And that's what I love.

Then I took Lexi with me one time, and NOW she likes to paint too.  But we go to Denton Library to do those paintings and they are free!  We've done two of those so far, with this lighthouse being just this past week.  I have soo much fun with her - we're both so relaxed and love to laugh and joke and not be perfectionists, even though Lexi is VERY good at the details in the picture.  Me?  Not so much.

The painting at the top, I did just this past Saturday.  I went on my own.  I find it VERY therapeutic and calming for me.  It's when I'm by myself that I tend to want it a little more perfect.  if you look closely, you can see the flaws and mistakes.  But that's why when I get home, I usually have Del look at my painting from WAYYY across the room.  He loves them at that distance!!

The more of them I do, the more I like what I'm doing.  I can tell I'm starting to get a few techniques down and not just having to completely follow the instructor, but I rarely go out on my own.  I don't have near the education or imagination to do much of that yet.

But maybe one day.

Anniversary Part (Day) 3

 

On Friday, the 29th, the ACTUAL day of our Anniversary, we spent the early evening doing a session at the temple, and then out to dinner at a new restaurant that Lexi had suggested.  It was a great conclusion to the whole 40th anniversary celebration.  Better than any cruise, vacation or other get away we could have scheduled.  It was perfect.

40 years with the one I love - doesn't get any better.

Anniversary Getaway - Day 2

 

When we first made plans for this trip, we thought we would just get up in the morning and drive the 7 hour trip home and call it a day.  But then Del realized we were only an hour or two away from church historical sites that I had never seen before and thought I might enjoy seeing them before traveling home.

I'm so glad he did.

Breathtaking - pensive and thought provoking - beautiful.  I was amazed by it all.

First, we drove to Adam - ondi- Ahman - which is over 4000 acres of land that the church has purchased in Missouri, and believed to be the future gathering place of the Saints when it is time for our Savior to return.  As Saints, we also believe it is where Adam, before he died, gathered his posterity and gave them blessings and instruction for their future.  Some pretty significant land.  The church currently has the land in beautiful fields of corn, soybeans and other vegetation that is just beautiful look at.  When driving through the area, we found this little baby doe hopping through the forest.  As Del and I stood and overlooked this vast scene in front of us, we discussed how wonderful the Lord's plan truly is and how He has promised us such blessings of a gathering n that beautiful place.  I did mention to Del that while we were there, it might be nice to take a stick and rock and maybe 'stake our place' in the  4000 acres so we don't have to leave our home until the last minute (wink wink).  Nope - he wouldn't even let me take a rock from the premises for keepsake.  

Next, we drove to the historic Liberty Jail, where Joseph Smith, along with about 5 others, were jailed for a lengthy time during a winter.  They were cold - no visitors until near the end - innocent victims having to suffer such cruelties and discomforts.  They only had small little windows on the sides of the building where food was slipped into them.  There was an upstairs and a downstairs - with a small dropway down a ladder to where the prisoners were,  The tour guide gave an amazing history and stories about Farr West, Haun's Mill and then what occurred at the jail that she had me entranced with her words.  I was very touched at learning some of the details.

Lastly, we drove to the Kansas City MO temple grounds where the flowers were in full bloom and the building, like many of the other temples, was majestic and stood out for all to see from the freeway.  It doesn't get old for me, seeing a new temple I've not seen before.  Each one, though a lot like another one, has it's own uniqueness and majesty.  I loved it!

Our drive home.

Del drove the whole way home.  Not that I couldn't have helped, but I think he wanted to.  And he became very talkative.  I asked him a few questions about his family growing up and his parents situation - You would think, that after 40 years, I would know everything there was to know about Del.  But he shared some things with me during that drive home that I had not only NOT heard before, but he asked me to never share them with anyone else - ever.  They were spiritual and personal in nature that he had just never told anyone.  He cried.  In fact, he sobbed.  I was deeply touched by his desire to tell me the things he did.  He was raw; and very vulnerable.  His heart was tender and in seeing all these feelings from him and hearing his stories, I was profoundly moved by the young child to young adult to wise man he had become BECAUSE of these experiences and how now, those experiences have allowed him to serve our Father in Heaven and Savior in a significant way.

My heart was overflowing with love for Del.  Such an experience I will not soon forget. We arrived home around 9:00 at night, unpacked, cleaned up and then we went to bed.

Before falling asleep, I pondered on the events of the weekend.  And as much as I love Josh Groban and how his music makes me feel, I was much more moved and spiritually touched by our last day - in all that we saw, all that we heard and all that we shared with each other.

Hopefully - never to be forgotten.

Anniversary Getaway - Day 1

 Josh Groban.

My favorite male singer of all time.

Del found out he would be in concert in Kansas City MO the week before our anniversary.  Only an 8 hour drive.  So he gave me the thumbs up to buy tickets and a hotel room for that night.  I was beyond excited.  

The drive over was easy and simple - we talked the whole way, stopped and took fun pictures at a rest stop and then got there early enough to rest a little in the hotel and grab something from Chick-fil-e before heading over to the stadium.

I was filled with excitement and anticipation.  I saw Josh Groban for the first time, 9 years ago here in Texas for our anniversary.  It was THE best concert ever.  I literally just drooled the whole time and got teary eyed every other song.  This concert was a little different.  It was only one or two of his old songs, and it was promoting his new album.  I will be honest.  The concert was wonderful - such talent he has in his voice and accompanying violinist and orchestra.  BUT, it was not as good as his first.  I didn't know these songs as well so I was only able to sit and absorb them for such a short time.  But his voice hasn't changed at all.  Still pristine.  Velvety smooth and chilling.  I was mesmorized to the last song.

Del is so thoughtful to think of me on our anniversary.  He likes Josh Groban's talent also, but of course, he knows my extreme emotion and tolerates it.  He's such a good sport to take me and watch me in the over 2 hour trance I tend to find myself in.  Poor guy doesn't get much attention from me until after the last song, but he knows how much I love it and what mood it puts me in - wink wink.  I love him for his wanting to make me happy.

And I was.