It wasn't as easy this week...all of it...the diet, the exercising, the studying of my RS lesson, scripture reading, prayer etc etc...I got out of a habit the very first day, Monday, when I stayed at the church while Kathryn was in Seminary and tried to get and extra half hour of sleep. It threw off the whole rest of my day. Then, it happened again Tuesday..I was very unemotional this week about everything I did. I THINK it's because I put soooo much emotion into the beginning of this diet and eating change that it's very anti-climatic already.
Soooo...I weighed yesterday at my weekly weigh in - I've lost a total of 11 pounds so far. I exercised, or walked, every day except one. But I was hungry this week. I felt deprived and even cheated once, eating 1 bite of a piece of chocolate cake at work. It wasn't even that good though, so I was disappointed in the bite and myself.
My studying of my RS lesson left me very judgemental of those who aren't living the gospel the way I think they should be...and at the same time, made me aware of my own feelings about certain doctrines of the gospel where I tend to be very critical or judgemental also - example...I am not a fond supporter of visiting teaching. I don't like to visit teach and I don't like having visiting teachers. I find it as a 'calling' or assignment, not as a pleasure or joy to do. WHY?? Because I am very selfish of my time and hate being inconvenienced..AND I hate being 'assigned' as to whom I am supposed to love and be kind to.
None of it makes sense...in fact, it makes me appear to be a very not nice person. I don't find it easy to like everyone and love everyone - I tend to choose my friends and then shut the rest of the world out. Not very Christlike huh???
I need to be a better person. Isn't that my whole goal for this new year?? To be a better Marlys? I need to LOVE more - not be so stingy with my time or affections...and be nice. I'm a very selfish person, one of the first things people probably recognize about me. Not a very nice thing to be known for, right?
Well, hopefully as these extra pounds start to shed off this old flabby body, so will some of the bad habits and undesired traits I've been lugging around for years will dissolve too.
One of the first signs of apostasy? A loss of the spirit of the Holy Ghost and his influence in our lives. I can see where I have allowed that to happen in areas such as visiting teaching, or basic kindnesses towards others outside of MY circle or comfort zone.
Awareness is a key to change. It's also very painful to realize truths about one's self; very unattractive unChristlike truth's.
Just don't let me die before I have a chance to change..doesn't change take a lifetime though? I'm running out of time...
Guess I better start...like yesterday!
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4 comments:
The first step is realizing that you need to change. Most people don't even get THAT. The key to fixing the selfishness problem is probably to be aware of it all of the time. We get in our own little world and forget about all of the things that could make us a better person. We need to get out of ourselves and put ourselves in the other's shoes. It takes constant doing. I'm working on it too...
Whoa! I think should have lost about 10 lbs. unloading. Question though - do you feel better or does it just put life in a different perspective?
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only person who is not perfect at being openly friendly and kind to other people. I too feel the exact same way you do about visiting teaching, and although I hear people's stories about how much it helps, I don't like being forced to help or visit or love other people. It's something I feel like I need and want to do on my own. I love your blog. Thanks for all the fantastic posts!
~Tracy Hansen McMillan
I totally get the visiting teaching thing. It's hard to find the time, and especially for those who don't want to be visited. We need to have better attitudes Mom! We can do it!
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