Jonah

Last year, we started braces on a young girl named Victoria, or Tori, as we now call her. The first time she came to our office, she came with her mother Christine and her youngest brother Jonah, who was in his stroller. Mom, Christine, is lovely - tall and slender, simple yet pretty face, soft smile, sparkling eyes and contagious laugh. I liked her right away. Jonah was hard to see at first, snuggled deep into his stroller with his blanket covering him. He was 2 yrs old, little boy haircut, brilliant blue eyes and a smile that went from ear to ear. Only his eyes were visible the very first time I saw him, but they were shining as I tried to talk to him and get him to uncover his face.
As the appointment progressed and the decision was made for Tori to go into braces, I kept Christine in my office while one of the assistants took Tori back to our clinic to start with taking some impressions. It was as Tori stood and began to leave the room that Jonah's Down Syndrome face appeared from the back of his stroller as he called out 'TOEWEE's' name. What an angelic child!!! Tori turned to him and quickly comforted his anxious look by telling him 'she would be right back'. He settled back into his stroller.
Over the next year, I looked forward to Jonah's monthly visits with his mom and Tori and I watched as slowly, Jonah came out of his shell. He couldn't walk yet, so I would take him into the playroom we have at the front of the office and sit him down amongst a box full of toys. He loved the blocks, the toy cars and the army men. The dinosaurs were some of his favorites, but most of all, he loved to play with this haunted house that made spooky, creaky noises as he pulled the side lever. Before, when I could hear that eerie sound from my next room office, I would cringe and curse whoever had provided the batteries for that terrible toy. But I would smile to myself when I knew it was Jonah that was making the house moan and groan.
Over the year, Jonah started to talk, saying just one word at a time and only words he knew. He wouldn't attempt anything new until I started applying it to the toys and then 'car', 'block' and 'spooky' came out in forms I had never heard before. He would start to make some of the sounds from the haunted house which would make me laugh...then his face would break out into that grin that melted my heart. He recognized me each time he came to the office and would wave and struggle with his 'hi' to me before running into the playroom. A few inches every other month started to give him some unexpected height so that when he came in a little over a month ago, I was stunned to see how much he had changed from just the two months before. He was now going to pre-school two days a week, was seldom, if ever, found in his stroller and was now starting to roam around the office, in and out of the playroom which had always been his comfort zone.
Jonah came in the office today with Tori and his mother for Tori's regular appointment. I went out to greet them in the waiting room and Jonah ran up to me with open arms. I walked him to the playroom where he immediately started his playing with his favorite toys. I got him settled in and went back to my office to finish up some computer work before I was going to return to cover for Christine while she went back with Tori. I smiled at my desk as I could hear Jonah in the next room making the noises of the haunted house and giggling his delight for everyone to hear. Before I could finish at my desk though, Christine entered my office and took a seat in front of my desk. She proceeded to tell me how Jonah had been sick in April, a rough month for him and rough enough to put him in the hospital for some breathing treatments. I could feel my eyes start to burn as she shared how the doctors had found some unexpected problems in Jonah's little lungs and how they feared he might have something very serious, even possibly life threatening. I could feel my heart drop to my feet and the immediate lump in my throat grow to huge proportions. I couldn't speak as she finished with a strained smile, expressing her appreciation for how we loved Jonah every time he came to our office and made him feel so loved. I wanted desperately to tell her that it was not ME who had loved Jonah so easily, but Jonah that had loved me with such ease and simplicity; but I couldn't say anything. I just let the tears fall.
I don't know how long Jonah will be here. It really doesn't matter because he cannot touch my life for good anymore than he already has in his tender one year that he has shared with me. I will enjoy the monthly smile and warm hugs for as long as he has to give them. I won't change anything except to maybe imprint a little deeper into my heart, the memory of his brilliant eyes, his clapping hands and fast little feet, his overpowering giggle and his tender hugs. I will enjoy each moment as it presents itself and try to remember that moment as vividly and bright as the instant it happened.
So today, I laughed as Jonah attempted to finish the 'in awhile crocodile' farewell, frantically waving his hand and then mirroring my 'blowing him a kiss' goodbye. I watched Christine strap him into his car seat and saw his laughing face as they drove out of the parking lot.
I went back to my office and cried.