Until They Have Children of Their Own....

....my children will never understand that as a parent, you don't have a favorite and you don't love any one of them over another.
Right now, and for the past I don't know how long, the girl's have thought Jordan is my favorite. Jordan is my only son. He's the only one that has been away from home for any length of time...he's the only one who hasn't been HIGH HIGH maintenance at some time in his life. He's pretty lay ed back and does things at his own pace and in his own way...he doesn't COMPARE his life to that of his sisters.
My three kids???
Okay - there's Jordan....he's the only one I have ever 'worried' about. As a parent, you tend to worry about 'the one' you can't watch over yourself. So while on his mission, I worried about him. While he was away at school, I worried about him. While he was in Oregon, I worried about him. And when he goes away to school again in a couple of weeks, I will once again, worry about him. I guess in the girls eyes, that makes him my favorite. No, he only causes me the most worry. But they won't understand that. He's never wanted 'things' - just acceptance. he has never really NEEDED me in his life except when he is lonely or needs to be understood. Otherwise, I think I'm an inconvenience to him. So I have tried to learn to 'be there only when he needs me' and step back when he is feeling confident and secure. I'm his 'security blanket'.
Then Kylie - she's the one I have enjoyed raising the most - I have bought her more clothes, given her more things, attended most if not all her sporting events, hoped and had more dreams for, been most involved in her life etc than my other children. I have literally lived vicariously through Kylie's life since age 14 or so. I made sure she had everything I ever wanted and didn't have. I encouraged her in church, school , love life, personal life and everything else..but Kylie's a 'material' child. It's always been 'things' that have made her happy, not ME or my time. She has always had a testimony and never questioned the gospel - she has always been 'the pretty one' and been able to do and get what she wants. She's not had very many struggles in life. She likes me more as a girlfriend than her mother.
And finally, Kathryn. Kathryn is the strongest - strongest body, strongest mind, strongest will and strongest determination. She's ALWAYS been the one to not care what anyone else thinks - she's my most honest child even in her areas of weakness. She knows she has struggled with her testimony and the gospel - she knows where she needs to improve, but she has always been one that will do it in her own time and in her own way. As far as I know, she has never lied to me -she has never needed to; she tells me most everything. She's been the most difficult to have a relationship with, and yet, we have the best relationship of all. She loves me as her mother... a devoted child - makes the best choices because she thinks them through before acting upon them. - good common sense.

So as you can see, each child is different. And I feel about each one of them differently at different times. They have different needs at different times and in different ways. But I have NEVER loved any one of them over another... During Jordan's mission, his need was more pressing...when Kylie married, her need was more important. Kathryn has had more privileges than the other two because she's been the last.
Each of them has had their NEEDS met...and MANY of their wants. We have done for each of our children everything we possible could or should do...Have they done without many things? Yes, as compared to worldly things. Sometimes, one has been more grateful than another. I guess one of my biggest disappointments would be the lack of gratitude my children show towards things we 'give' them or allow them to have. I tend to feel that they don't appreciate the effort made to make sure they have had in their lives, everything we have provided...it's been more an attitude of 'expecting it'.... I paid for my own mission - my own college and I never had a car...whatever I had, I paid every cent for it. My children have not had to do that. They have always had their needs met.
Well - the jest of it all???? I can't wait for them to be parents of children of their own. I have heard enough of the 'I'm never going to allow my kids to do this' or 'I will never give my kids this or that' 'I will never say that to my kids'...and ALL the hundreds of other things they have said they will or will not do in the raising of their perfect children that won't have an unhappy moment in their lives.
It's at that time that I will enjoy the moments of only being the observant 'grandmother' of these perfectly raised grandchildren.
It will be a momentous time...one for the history books.
But until then...I guess I will continue to try and be a good mom. Some days I FAIL miserably - and some days, I guess I do okay. And then honestly, there are going to be days that I just don't care if they like me that day or not. They'll have to get over it.
Obviously, it will be a 'day to day' experience, just as it is for all moms around the world.
So tomorrow? It's just another day.