The Discover Card Prayer

DAD'S Discover card, to be more specific.
Kathryn borrowed Del's Discover card Friday morning to go and get gas in the car on her way home from Seminary. Then, she came home and went and picked up her friend Kate to take to school. After school, she took Kate home and then gave her a ride to work at La Hacienda before coming home for the day. Later that night, I asked Kathryn for dad's card and she said she had left it at Kate's house when they had switched out purses...I gave her 'the look' and told her she 'better get it picked' up ASAP. Monday would be ASAP...but in the meantime, she facebooked Kate to look out for it.
Sunday, Kathryn hears back from Kate that there is no Discover card to be found. GULP!!! The command was to 'look again and again and again'..and I'm pretty nervous.
Monday, Kate's dad isn't in a good mood so Kathryn isn't allowed to take Kate to school and look at Kate's house for herself. But WE look everywhere we can...of course, Kathryn and I have had a marvelous weekend with the YW Conference, John Bytheway video and just overall great spiritual experiences that Kathryn feels pretty confident in offering a prayer that we'll find the Discover Card. She tells me to call La Hacienda...
Why would it be THERE??? She only took Kate to work there and then came home. I ignored her. The rest of Monday was anxious, but I told Kathryn to check Kate's house herself Tuesday morning.
I had called the Discover company to see if any charges had been made...none...but they felt we should de-activate the card. That would require a phone call to Del...
Of course Del didn't know about this yet. We had been trying to do all we could to find the card before having to finally confess to Del. Kathryn was feeling horrible knowing how bad Del would feel and the lecture she would get. I was holding out to the last minute.
That minute came today. Kathryn checked Kate's house early this morning and called to say the card was no-where. I told her I would call dad...but then I got really busy at work. At around 11:00, I had a moment at work and tried to call Del but no answer. In the meantime,I called La Hacienda...just to check...
I was stunned, NEVER expecting them to tell me it was there...someone had turned it in from the parking lot. I even asked them again and again..and yep, it was there.
THAT'S when I called Del.
We pretty much agreed that this had been a direct answer to prayer given Kathryn to increase her faith and trust in a very loving Heavenly Father. And HE is very aware of her and loves her and cares about her. I called and left a message on her phone, knowing she would appreciate the knowledge of the card being found. She was grateful for the phone call, but more than that, she was grateful to the answer to her prayer.
I was too....
Such simple acts of love from a Father who loves His daughter so very much. I'm grateful Kathryn had such a tender moment with an answer to her heartfelt prayer.

Just What She Needed to Hear

Last night was the Annual General Young Women's Conference of the church. Kathryn and I had a fairly busy day and had settled in for the night, so we chose to watch it on KBYU in the privacy of our home. What a great choice for us. While we listened, we would pause the t.v and discuss certain things being taught and shared and there were several times we would rewind and play it again to make sure we understood the true doctrine trying to be stressed. Kathryn was so open to conversation - so willing to be taught - so eager to understand. It was a beautiful experience for me as her mother.
And then tonight, we watched the Standard's Night that was shown the hour before the YW's Conference that I had taped last night with John Bytheway. What another great, fun and enjoyable experience for us again!!! We laughed at Bro. Bytheway's presentation and yet we were able to understand LOUD and CLEAR his true message to the youth of the church. It was exactly what Kathryn needed to hear. She felt so inspired and hopeful for her life - she felt renewed and invigorated for her upcoming challenges over the next few months to come and I could tell that she also, finally felt a sense of release from her previous transgressions and mistakes that have left such a burden upon her soul. She met today with the Bishop, as she has for the past 4 months, and came out of his office with what appeared to be a new life given her...a look I have not seen her with for months. She seemed so 'light' - as if a weight had been lifted. And it has.
I have never been more proud of her than I have been over the past 4 months - a very long a difficult 4 months. She will never be the same. But in this case, it is a very good thing. It is hard to realize that because of choices made, and actions taken, that she is never going to be as I once envisioned her life to be. But, because of repentance, it can actually be better than I ever hoped for.
She now understands that concept also. It won't be what 'could have been' or 'what should have been'...but it will be 'what it is', and that will be good or better than we hoped for.
I'm proud she hasn't given up. And many of the rough times and trials are just starting to happen...rumors at school, unkind actions of others, judgements from those she loves and consequences of her choices. But Del and I told her months ago that these things would happen and that her main concern was not of what others had to say or think, but how she needed to get her own personal life in order with her Heavenly Father. At THAT point, HE would give her the strength she needed to handle all the rest.
And now, as we arrive at THAT point, I can see her personal renewed strength and the Lord preparing her for this last stretch of life before she goes off to college. She is devastated each day at the torment she gets from 'friends' at school and church. Consequences are enormous and sometimes seem more unbearable than the sin itself. But as she remarked today, she's not quite sure she would understand the gift of the Atonement as well as she might now if for not having to endure some of these consequences. Doesn't make it easier...just helps her understand it's part of the process.
Del and I have had some heartbreaking moments where we have wanted to maybe ease the pain of a consequence, or possibly allowed the 'skipping over' of a repentance step here and there. Well, more me than Del. It has been all I can do to step back and allow her heart to be broken from actions or words of those she thought loved her unconditionally, young and old. She has felt alone a lot of the past 4 months..but realizing she has needed to distance herself from anything that might 'HURT'.
Now, I can feel some hope...not everything is smooth...in fact, we have lots of bumps and ups and downs each week...I 'deep sigh' a lot. But the sighs are becoming more of a cleansing than anything.
Line upon line...
Precept on precept...
And an occasional 'deep sigh'...

The Role of a Witness

Del and I went to the temple this morning and were asked to be the witness couple. I listened very carefully to our role of being the witnesses in the session and found it very interesting the importance that was put on the persons at the altar. I was feeling the importance of doing it right...of doing it the way the Lord needed it to be done. And so I kept my focus on my role today.
And then of even the role of being a witness 'outside' of the temple.
What is the role of a witness?
And of 'what' am I a witness to?
I'm doing some thinking..
I'll get back to this later...

But I Thought it was Only Men

Well, I thought it was MOSTLY men. But today, it my channel surfing, I stopped on the Oprah Show and realized that the topic was about Pornography and Erotica. I figured the basic jest of the conversation was going to be about the 'evils' of the addiction, but was surprisingly and disgustingly alarmed to find out that it was going to be about the 'pleasures women find in pornography and erotic lifestyles'.
Before turning the channel, a statistic was thrown out that made me stop in my tracks....One out of every three women in the world are SECRETLY involved in OR participating in some type of pornography or erotic behavior for the purpose of being able to satisfy their sexual partner, whether that be husband or partner.
Considering I'M NOT the one, it made me think of my neighbor on each side of me and wonder which one it was......not really, but ONE OUT OF EVERY THREE ?? WOMEN??
Has there been a General Priesthood meeting go by in over the past ten years where the evils of this terrible sin have not been discussed??? Who has been the main target of this attack on pornography in the church??? And to whom has the world focused on enticing to visit and participate in this addiction of pornography?? MEN - it's always been to the men. And now, it's being suggested that women have this same pornographic desires that have only been kept secret and hidden but now they finally feel can come out in the open!!!
Oh, heaven help us all. As if it hasn't been enough that Satan has made this temptation so alluring and fulfilling to the destruction of the men, but now to have found a way to have the 'heart of the home' also desire this evil will truly be the destruction of us all - destruction of our fathers, our mothers, our sons, our daughters, our homes and families and ultimately our eternal salvation.
Prophecy being fulfilled.

Family Night

One of our relaxing evenings as a family. Hard to get Del to sit down long enough to enjoy a t.v. show. We're watching a new show called 'Life'. It appears we need to get one, from the looks of us...but a good show; kind of like National Geographic. We enjoyed it, except it had snakes in it. Not a real fan of snakes or alligators. But we got through it with not too many 'eew's' and 'ucks'.

Sunday Snowfall

My nephew Sean was promised a yummy Sunday pot roast dinner today in return for the planting of my beautiful flowers in my flower garden. But when I awoke to the above pictures, I told him at church that dinner was cancelled as I was pretty sure my flowers were dead.!!! Del shoveling snow brought back memories of our years in Idaho and Utah. Quite the little storm. The snow was mostly melted off the streets by the time church was over, but we'll have snow in the yard probably through tomorrow.
I hope my flowers survive this.
And dinner and games ended up being a fun time for all.

And Now it Snows

The day ended with BYU losing their game in the March Madness playoffs and a snow storm - yes, not only has it been very cold and windy today, but this evening, that wind brought in some ice and snow.
But the BYU loss is much more saddening for me...I can handle the snow...
The game? Not so much...

Doctor's Orders

Kathryn has been sick for two weeks with this strep throat, ear infections, bronchitis and sinus infection. She has missed over 8 days of school these past two weeks and the doctor felt she wasn't getting any better. So she was doubled up on antibiotics and tried to get a lot of bed rest.
This week brought Spring vacation, but it also brought our Youth Conference Trek. There has been a lot of dilemma in our household, and not the way you would think. Kathryn was wanting to go on Trek...had already purchased her pioneer clothes and supplies, and was excited to help her YW president with some of the preparations. Del and I were a little more hesitant to let her go, fearing she would relapse and miss more school, but we also wanted to support such a righteous desire. She called and spoke with another of her YW leaders and asked for counsel, hoping she would find some kind of clear answer to her questions. She was counseled to pray to the Lord with her righteous desires and then exercise faith that all would go as planned.
I didn't know the choice she had made until Thursday morning at 5:45 am when she came in to say goodbye to me. Del was taking her to the church.
I thought throughout the day how far Kathryn had come over the past 4 years, let alone the past 6 months. I would have never expected her to WANT to go and WANT to be where she felt she should be. And she was going happy and with a GREAT attitude. I couldn't have felt happier.
At 9:30 p.m., a brother in the stake, who said he was the Trek doctor, called, saying Kathryn was needing to come home. He proceeded to tell me how Kathryn had walked an 8 mile hike, was sunburned like the others, but was dehydrated and had a fever, and that when he went to listen to her lungs, he felt she was in serious danger of pneumonia, let alone the bronchitis she had. I asked to talk to Kathryn. She agreed that she didn't feel a 100%, but that if she were careful, she would be okay for the next two days. But they hadn't even started the pushing of the handcart portion and doctor felt she should come home. We debated for several minutes before our Bishop got on the phone and expressed that he felt we should listen to the doctor.
So, Kathryn was brought home. I was proud of her attempt and desire to try, but was glad she was home where we could get her well. And when this morning arrived with BELOW FREEZING temps and CHILLY wind, I was grateful that she was home and secure from further possibilities of illness.
It left me with a sobering thought of the original pioneers and their lack of options 'to come home to the safety and comfort of their homes and family'. They didn't have 'options' or possibilities of being relieved of the 'trip'. They had death; they had sunburn one day with freezing death the next; they had AND experienced it all without the luxury of 'choice to go home'. I thank them for their faith and courage.
And I thank Kathryn for her faith and courage to attempt Trek, even though it didn't end how we thought it would or could. She's asking if we think that if more faith had been used, would she have been okay if she had stayed?
I don't know how to answer her but to say that I truly believe what should have happened, happened, because the Lord was very aware of her heart's desires. I've encouraged her to have no regrets.
A special thank you to all those who planned Trek, who went on Trek, and who made Trek possible.

"Pretty...Pretty Flower"

It's Springtime, and thanks to Kathryn and my nephew Sean, I have beautiful flowers planted in my new flower bed in the front of my house. Not many, but enough to make me smile and feel like my yard is pretty. I will enjoy these flowers for months and months...
I have had three of my children, Jordan, Kylie and Michael, trying to call me today to tell me the details of the BYU men's basketball game in the NCAA March Madness first game. Del and I have taped it and we are planning on watching it tonight after Del gets home from work. All three of them are dying to spill the beans. My stomach is in knots.
The result better be worth this anxiety attack I'm having...
Go Cougars!!!

'Just a Spoonful of Sugar...'

I can't seem to convince Del that it's the medicine in the pill bottles that he's supposed to take to feel better instead of the medicine on this plate!!!
But whichever it is, it seems to be working.
He's doing great!

Forced Recovery and Relaxation

Those are ice-packs Del is holding on his cheeks. He had mouth surgery today and is sentenced to a weekend of rest and relaxation. He will be nuts by tomorrow night if not sooner. He's not one to be down for anything, let alone what he considers 'minor mouth surgery'. But it wasn't minor, it was major, and he'll realize that a little better tomorrow when he's a little more swollen, bruised and very sore! So tonight, I keep him medicated with the only thing he'll take...Ibuprofen.
I've crossed paths with the computer every day this week, but just haven't had the time or energy to write the every day happenings of my life. I have been working both my job and Sara's job at work this week, so my days have been earlier and longer each day, plus, of course, i have had Kathryn still sicker than a dog....Yes, the parenthood thing started Monday...and I laughed a hearty laugh when I went into her room Tuesday morning to find the baby at the end of her bed with it's legs straight up in the air, crying. I knew she hadn't gone to Seminary when I heard her up three times during the night. But it wasn't all from the baby. A lot of it was her bronchitis and coughing so hard it made her throw up.
So Tuesday, she returned the baby to the teacher and went off to the doctor. It appears the antibiotics and other medications she was taking have done her no good and she is just as bad, if not worse, than ever. The doctor called me at work and said Kathryn has a bad case of the whole thing and called it a 'lingering' case of bronchitis, strep throat, ear and sinus infections. So she is once again home from school for yet another week. She is as frustrated as the school officials and I am with her illness. She is in trouble with her absence or lack of attendance and so will have to do some make up work and Saturday school time, but we have to get her well first. I have felt terrible for her. She is mentally and physically wiped out at this point. I agreed with her in that it is not the time for her to be a mommy....she'll have to try it later...
We've had Kylie and Mike over several nights for dinner, card games and to watch BYU basketball. This weekend is the Mountain West conference playoff's and we are hoping BYU will take the Championship, although they already have an automatic bid to March Madness, the NCAA playoff's. But I am loving this season. Del and I have always been huge March Madness fan's and spent many years, when we lived in Pocatello, going each year to the play-off's with our dear friends, the Dunn's. It brings back very fond memories....They play again late tonight, which we took an afternoon nap for, and then hopefully, will play tomorrow night for the championship. I love BYU Basketball!! Football...Volleyball...okay, okay - you get it.
My grandbaby is just over 3 inches long now. I'm so proud. We won't find out for another month the sex of the baby, but the excitement is worth it. I still get 'grandma goose bumps' thinking about it. It's amazing what a terrific change this will bring to our family.
Well, time to get ready for tonight's game. That means some stretches, snacks, and an extra Prozac...can't be too prepared!!!
P.S. - makes me NUTS when I go to spellcheck my post that it always highlights 'BYU' as misspelled!!! Uh, duh!!!???

Unplanned Parenthood

Kathryn has become a mother for the next three days. It's part of her 'Prep for Parenting' class at school. This baby cries, eats, needs a diaper change, has to be burped and needs to be rocked to sleep. And he's all Kathryn's for the next three nights. She made the comment that this wasn't a very good time for this as she hasn't been feeling well and has a bad cough. I laughed and reminded her that I had been a mother 4 times and seldom was there a moment of convenience in the whole process. She's pretty sure she'll be exhausted at the end of the three nights and need the weekend to catch up on sleep.
I had to laugh...I'm STILL trying to catch up on sleep.
Should I tell her???

Weekend Memories with the Crumps

Fun fun weekend with Mike and Kylie. Saturday night, Del and I treated them to the BYU/TCU basketball game and then they treated us to Maggiano's restaurant afterwards. The game was a blast...well, not for the first 4 minutes or so. TCU came out with a vengeance and whooped our butts for the first little while. Then our coach decided to toss out our starters and put in some hungry players off the bench. By half time, we were back on pace where we usually are and ended up winning the game by 30 points. The whole game was fun and exciting and I yelled most of the time at the top of my lungs. I don't hold back in any of my enthusiasm at BYU games, whether watching it at home in front of the t.v., or when I get the chance to attend in person. So, I could be heard at the game...by everyone...and it didn't help that it was a small gymnasium and I could be heard across the court. I was just too excited to be there!!!
Then dinner afterwards was yummy and a great start for a wonderful fast Sunday today. We ate so much good food...enough to make Kylie look a good 6 months pregnant when she stuck out her pooch. I still had her beat by a good month though, and I wasn't even having to fake the pooch!!!
Fast Sunday was wonderful today - and then tonight, we went to my niece, Julianne's, and her husband Vance's home for a birthday celebration. This is my brother Von, and his wife Ann's, daughter and her husband. There were some of Ann's family there too and I was able to meet them and socialize through a very fun evening of food and games. (note to Ann....it was good to see you....).
Now it's late and time to rest up for a very long week. I work 5 days this next week and then have a big weekend ahead also.
But lots of fun memories. I'm glad we were able to spend such good time with Mike and Kylie.

Barely Making the Grade

I don't know what it is about my children, but they seem to be satisfied with always taking the 'just enough to get by' path in life. It is so frustrating to Del and me, as parents, to see this continual lack of 'being the best you can be' in our children's lives. At this moment, I am talking about Jordan.
Jordan is going to BYU Idaho; wishes he was going to BYU Utah. But all through high school, he lived by the rule of 'do the least I have to to get by'. His homework seldom left his backpack; he was happy with B's and C's and felt we should be glad that he was 'average' and 'normal'; he was a 100% with church, Seminary and his spiritual growth but failed to realize that the path he was taking, would land him right where he deserved to be...at BYU Idaho. And he's been fairly miserable ever since.
Jordan hates school - always has. But he wants to be a lawyer. Jordan hates working, but wants to be rich; Jordan hates dating, but wants a girlfriend; Jordan hates 'the process' but wants 'the results'. I don't know what to do with him.
I adore Jordan, and he knows it. But I have sure done him a disservice by not 'kicking his backside' a long time ago. My kids have never had 'extra's' in life - name brand clothes, their own cars or things handed to them on a plate. It has usually been the policy in our house hold that you 'reap what you sow' and you 'get what you get and you don't pitch a fit'. But my kids try to take short cuts - cut corners, not give 100%; and then wonder why they aren't happy with where their choices land them.
This all hits because I get a phone call from Jordan saying he's flunking one of his classes - Psychology. Go figure. Has he done all the homework? no...Has he talked to the teacher? no...Has he looked for a 'free' tutor to get extra help? no... Has he given what he needs to in order to pass the class? no...
So, I became 'mother', the mother that should have appeared years ago. With the kindest, yet firmest words I could muster, I told him it was time to grow up and take responsibility for his choices. I told him he had one month to get his grades up in all classes and pass his Psychology class; there were to be no more excuses. I let him know that 'NOT DOING HIS 100% BEST' was no longer acceptable in the world we live in; not if he wants to get anywhere in this life. But most of all, I told him that I loved him beyond words, but that I was also pretty disappointed in his current attitude about school and life, and that unless he stepped up to some expectations from us and his Heavenly Father, he would probably find himself pretty unhappy for a long time.
He was sufficiently humbled, apologetic and repentant, but I told him I wanted to see all those feelings in his report card in a month.
I guess some of my parenting skills, or lack of, are coming back to bite me in the butt. Of course, I THOUGHT I was doing the right thing all the time...how naive, but I can now see back where I could have, and SHOULD have made other choices. Some things have turned out beautifully, but a few are going to be a little more difficult to live through in the near future.
I could end up 'MOMMY DEAREST' by the time this is over.

What's Left To Do?

Last night, our FHE lesson was on Patriarchal blessings. I had each of us write down something that we had always wanted to do in our lives but for some reason or another, had never done it. Del wrote that he wished he had learned how to play the piano...I was surprised. Kathryn said she hadn't missed out on anything and was really not regretting any missed opportunities. I wrote that I wished I had gone further in my singing - specifically, performing, as in singing with The Mormon Tab Choir. My sister Rachel just made the choir. I am soooo happy for her and jealous at the same time. I should have taken the chance when I had it.
Then, I had each of us think of something that we still hoped to do in our lives and what we would do in our lives to make sure that we could accomplish it. I wanted us to specifically focus on some gifts or promises from our Patriarchal blessings. Kathryn's response was full of dreams and opportunities and so many things to accomplish. Del and I responded with much the same feeling...'What's Left To Do?'
I've thought about it further today...wanting to hope that all isn't necessarily fulfilled and accomplished in my patriarchal blessing, but that there is still much to do and hope for. But I can see a lot of the promises and blessings given in my Patriarchal blessing already fulfilled in some way or another. Are there still things to live for and strive for? Of course; but more of my blessing has been fulfilled than not.
A strange stage of life to be in, where my thoughts and desires are more for my children and family than for myself. Where I feel my role in life is to now help them accomplish and make some of their promises and dreams come true. It's good though. I feel satisfied...there are a few areas in which I hope to continue striving for perfection and improvement - and there are a few areas in which I feel was a 'missed opportunity' for completion to it's fullest and the time has passed. A few regrets?? A few.
But there are a few things that I have decided I'm going to give one last shot at; that maybe the chance has not been completely missed to fulfill in this lifetime.
A few things left to do.