Just What She Needed to Hear

Last night was the Annual General Young Women's Conference of the church. Kathryn and I had a fairly busy day and had settled in for the night, so we chose to watch it on KBYU in the privacy of our home. What a great choice for us. While we listened, we would pause the t.v and discuss certain things being taught and shared and there were several times we would rewind and play it again to make sure we understood the true doctrine trying to be stressed. Kathryn was so open to conversation - so willing to be taught - so eager to understand. It was a beautiful experience for me as her mother.
And then tonight, we watched the Standard's Night that was shown the hour before the YW's Conference that I had taped last night with John Bytheway. What another great, fun and enjoyable experience for us again!!! We laughed at Bro. Bytheway's presentation and yet we were able to understand LOUD and CLEAR his true message to the youth of the church. It was exactly what Kathryn needed to hear. She felt so inspired and hopeful for her life - she felt renewed and invigorated for her upcoming challenges over the next few months to come and I could tell that she also, finally felt a sense of release from her previous transgressions and mistakes that have left such a burden upon her soul. She met today with the Bishop, as she has for the past 4 months, and came out of his office with what appeared to be a new life given her...a look I have not seen her with for months. She seemed so 'light' - as if a weight had been lifted. And it has.
I have never been more proud of her than I have been over the past 4 months - a very long a difficult 4 months. She will never be the same. But in this case, it is a very good thing. It is hard to realize that because of choices made, and actions taken, that she is never going to be as I once envisioned her life to be. But, because of repentance, it can actually be better than I ever hoped for.
She now understands that concept also. It won't be what 'could have been' or 'what should have been'...but it will be 'what it is', and that will be good or better than we hoped for.
I'm proud she hasn't given up. And many of the rough times and trials are just starting to happen...rumors at school, unkind actions of others, judgements from those she loves and consequences of her choices. But Del and I told her months ago that these things would happen and that her main concern was not of what others had to say or think, but how she needed to get her own personal life in order with her Heavenly Father. At THAT point, HE would give her the strength she needed to handle all the rest.
And now, as we arrive at THAT point, I can see her personal renewed strength and the Lord preparing her for this last stretch of life before she goes off to college. She is devastated each day at the torment she gets from 'friends' at school and church. Consequences are enormous and sometimes seem more unbearable than the sin itself. But as she remarked today, she's not quite sure she would understand the gift of the Atonement as well as she might now if for not having to endure some of these consequences. Doesn't make it easier...just helps her understand it's part of the process.
Del and I have had some heartbreaking moments where we have wanted to maybe ease the pain of a consequence, or possibly allowed the 'skipping over' of a repentance step here and there. Well, more me than Del. It has been all I can do to step back and allow her heart to be broken from actions or words of those she thought loved her unconditionally, young and old. She has felt alone a lot of the past 4 months..but realizing she has needed to distance herself from anything that might 'HURT'.
Now, I can feel some hope...not everything is smooth...in fact, we have lots of bumps and ups and downs each week...I 'deep sigh' a lot. But the sighs are becoming more of a cleansing than anything.
Line upon line...
Precept on precept...
And an occasional 'deep sigh'...