"Cute as a Bug"

Kathryn and I went to the movies today.
Her heart has been a little 'tender' lately - hurt...
She wanted to see a chick flick. I think she wanted to cry and needed a 'reason'.
So I went with her. And she cried.
When we came out and got to the car, she wanted me to drive. She ALWAYS likes to drive when I'm with her because the rule is, whoever is driving gets to pick the music. I always pick oldies...which to her, is anything before the turn of the century. But just lately, if you've read my FB and/or blog, I'm going through an ABBA phase and she knew I would put on Take a Chance on Me and let it blast...which I did.
She didn't join in though on the singing and after a few seconds, I reached over and turned off the music, just as she burst into tears.
Weeping and wailing - slight gnashing of teeth..."Will I ever fall in love...?" "Will anyone ever really love me..?" etc etc....
Of course, my thoughts are 'don't over react - just listen to her - try not to laugh - be compassionate - try not to roll my eyes - be patient'...all of this while driving. Such talent.
I finally reply with comforting words of 'you're still young - yes there is someone special out there...probably more than one - you'll fall in love - don't worry ' etc - her response?
"BUT I'M ALREADY 18!! How old were YOU mom??"
It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and stay focused on her pain?
'Well Kathryn, the first time I really fell in love was at age 19...you have plenty of time'.
It certainly wasn't WHAT she said next, but HOW SHE SAID IT that finally let loose the dam of laughter....
" BUT MOM, YOU WERE UGLY!!!!!".
Well.....(huff)
I SHOULD have had my feelings hurt but I couldn't seem to find that emotion through my laughter. Of course, when she realized what she had said and how she had said it, she spent the next 10 minutes trying to apologize for her words. I refused her apology as it would have meant that I could no longer freely laugh my head off.
According to some, I was 'cute as a bug' at age 19...I think I'm more disappointed by THAT description of what I thought was a very mature young WOMAN, just coming into her self and seeing a little of her hopeful future beauty surfacing after years of a severe 'plain jane' stage. Sure, I wasn't able to turn many heads but I was only wanting to turn one. If I had known at the time that I was perceived as a 'bug', I would have made every effort to not be such a 'pest'.
After much discussion of how 'her day would come' and 'not to worry about what would eventually happen at the right time', Kathryn was okay. It had been, after all, at least 10 minutes. It passed...as does most of the drama of a teenager.
It's been ME who has spent the past few hours trying to reconcile the fact that at age 19, I wasn't anything more than a very old teenager myself....experiencing all the emotions of being in love for the first time. I remember every feeling , every thought and every dream I had with that first love. I probably WAS just 'cute as a bug' - wanting so desperately to be more than that.
But that wouldn't come until years later...when that cute little bug would become a 'Lady Bug'.
For now, I have to help my 'cute little bug' realize that her 'Lady Bug' years are much further in her future - to be patient - waiting for someone to find her past her teenage years. It will happen..and when it does, she'll be glad that someone sees her for more than the pest she was.