One Breath at a Time

So much...
to do...
to think about...
to decide...
to consider...
to choose from...
to forget about.
It's been so much, that I have basically put the talking and writing about it on complete hold.
And it's not just one thing...it's in so many areas of my life.  To stop and dissect each area of decision and action to be taken is overwhelming.  It's like trying to eat an elephant...quickly.  It has to be done, one bite at a time and very very slowly.  But I'm feeling the need to hurry when all I want to do is be done and over with it and move on to the dessert.
Work...I'm loving my job.  The dust is settling from the blow up months ago...and things are even starting to be better than they actually were before.  I can actually say, that even though there are still a few awkward moments with certain fellow employees, I really do like each one of them and admire what they are able to bring to the table.  I did have my first casualty...Last Thursday, I was bitten by a dog...barely bad enough to even get attention for, but policy mandated me going to the Care Now Center...so I was there for over 2 hours.  A small puncture wound, broken blood vessel and scratches.  A band aid would have been fine.
My kids....Okay, so Jordan finally got a job.  He's working as an area manager at a Termite company; doing what, I'm not really sure.  But he gets a salary, a new truck to drive and a uniform.  Sighs of relief.  Now they will be saving up some money so they can move into their own apartment over the next 4 months or so.  Lexi is working full time and long hours trying to keep them above water and meet their bills.  I'm glad she will have some relief now.
Mike and Kylie....They are soooo busy.  Mike, with his full time job, being Young Men's President, going to school and doing another part time insurance job to make extra money...Kylie with her two jobs, photography and being a nanny, full time mom, keeping house etc etc....and Preston?  Oh, he's 1000 mph and growing like a weed.  Too much to say about their little family and their comings and goings.  They just went on a cruise for their 4th anniversary.  4 YEARS!!!  Really??  Where did that time go!!???
Kathryn....moved into a new apartment and she is working lots of long hours at her gymnastics coaching job..having s few drama issues still with friends and boys but overall, is on a good path right now.  She just wants to be happy...comes over and takes me to lunch sometimes and then I take her shopping..we have fun together.
Sean and Becky...have moved into their new home!!!!  I am so happy for them, even though I haven't been over there yet to see how everything looks.  Becky has been so overwhelmed with the whole change that I have wanted to give her some space and air to breathe so she can have us over at her own pace.  Sean just graduated and Becky got her wisdom teeth out, so they always have something going on too.
Del...soooo busy with work.  He has some really big things going on right now and is spending some long hours and days working them out.  He and I are sharing some joint concerns and decisions that need to be made about our near future so a lot of discussion is had about some of those topics...which are...
Our house lease is up at the end of July.  We have been renting homes the whole time we have lived in Texas, not knowing if we would stay here, where we would ultimately like to settle or what we would like to buy.  Well, we are finally out of debt and in a position to buy a home.  But where we want to live and what we want to buy is everywhere...some close to Mike and Kylie.  Some close to my work, some not.  Some in our ward, some not...some in our stake, most not.  And then, to top it off, the landlord of this home has offered this house to us at an unbelievable price, that if we bought this home, paid it off in 5-6 years, we could then turn around and buy again what we ultimately want to retire in. 
So much to decide and so many options to consider.
Del asked me today if I would want to move back to Utah.
My first thought was of my parents, his mother and all of our siblings.  But our parents will be gone...at some point...and honestly, our own little family is who I want to live by now.  I want to live near MY children and grandchildren.  Plus, I couldn't live in Utah again.  I just...couldn't.  I can't.
So, we have a lot to think about.  We have started the house hunting process and seen a few really desirable homes out there...but too far away.  Or there's one thing off in this house, and another in a different home...haven't just found the right one yet.  What am I willing to do without or find necessary to have?  We have really had to sit down and write down our 'must haves', 'would likes' or 'have to do without' lists and we are finding that overall, we agree on almost everything.
So, as July approaches and some choices have to be made, we will have to exercise even more patience so that we don't make the mistake of 'settling' on something that really isn't what we want or where we want to be.
If I take this challenge just one breath at a time, I feel that I can actually live through this.