Flatlined - Part 1

I have no pulse.
No blood pressure...
No heartbeat...
Flatlined.

I have been thinking about the past few years of my life and trying to figure out if there is a pattern...or if I can see the symptoms more clearly at certain times than others.
The only thing I have finally been able to conclude is that the symptoms are getting worse the older I get and that they are more frequent and troubling.
They are not just physical..emotional...spiritual or mental.  They are in all areas of my life.
I feel I am....flatlined.  Big empty spaces of nothing in my life.  I go for days, weeks, months and now years of being flatlined.  And I have no idea how to change it.
My biggest fear?  That this is the rest of my life.  Am I satisfied with it?  I don't think so.  I'm feeling like something is missing.  Something of ME is missing.
Am I destined to work an 8-5 job for the next 10 years just so I can pay the bills...pay off the house earlier than most people pay off a car, go to work day in and day out and have no time for anything else?  No hobbies anymore...no talents anymore...I don't even sing anymore.  I only write or blog about visits from Preston anymore because I don't have time to write about feelings...or emotions I'm no longer having.  I feel bland.  No name brand...generic....without definition.
And I'm tired.  Too tired to try and fix it...change it...or make it different.  My physical changes are becoming significant enough that my next 'yearly' exam next month will start to cover a few areas of my life that have been reserved so far for my 'retirement' years.  I ache...my shoulders, legs, feet and body.  I hurt more often that I 'don't' anymore.  I don't think I can, let alone WANT to work for 10 more years, but have I over committed to Del and this home at this stage in my life???? 
I guess I'm missing feeling young...being young...thinking and acting YOUNG. 
And speaking of thinking....
THAT'S not coming easily anymore either.  The sharpness of my thinking processes have...diminished.  I'm not quite as sharp. 
Feeling flatlined.
How many parts will there be to this post?
I'm afraid there will be many.