Not First on the List

I didn't get the job.
I waited all day Monday for a phone call while I was with Lexi during her difficult time.
Then, I waited all day again yesterday.  No phone call.  But when I got on my email at the end of the day for the first time, there was an email that had been sent earlier that morning, saying the position had been offered to another candidate.
I was disappointed.  But no more so than waiting all day both days for a phone call from Del.
I hate when he goes on business trips, or I'm gone or anything 'by phone' with Del.  I'm always the last thing on his list of 'things to do' for the day.  I feel like an 'obligation' instead of a 'desire'.  I hate it.
I'm feeling lonely enough with some of these things in life that I am dealing with...I don't have him to really talk to because, honestly, he really doesn't listen.  I'm feeling, already, that I'm not 'first on his list' of thoughts, concerns and needs.
This is going to be a long five years.
I guess I better re-focus my need to be the most important thing/person in his life and realize that there will be many times in the next five years that, not only am I going to be sharing him with the Aubrey Ward/ EMC Corp and anyone 'penciled in for an appt.', but for most of the time, I will actually be the last thing on his 'to do list' for the day.