We've not attended an Uncle Bob family get together in awhile, for various reasons. But we thought we would make the effort to go to the annual bon-fire at the farm in Bonham. It's quite a drive - almost two hours for us, but we knew it would be tons of fun for Preston. I made a huge macaroni salad and chocolate cake for Mike and Kylie's 5 yr wedding anniversary. Kathryn came with us too, which was TONS of fun for Preston, and me. I was really glad she was there. She had a good time too.
When we arrived, most of the group had gone out in trucks and on four wheelers to see something out on the farm but they came back in about 10 minutes. During that time, Del and I walked the garden part of the farm - looking at all of the fruit trees, vegetables, grapes and other fruits. Uncle Bob has worked that land for years and years and really has quite the system down on everything he grows up there. Del and I were impressed to see everything and hoped in our hearts, that over the years, our land will provide us with all that we have planted and hope to cultivate over the years on OUR farm.
When the cousins came back, I noticed that my cousin, Chad, was there. I figured I might end up seeing him. I haven't seen him in over 3 years. We used to be close; not so much anymore. But his wife went to awkward lengths to come up and hug me and comment that she hadn't seen me in years and years. As planned. I didn't acknowledge Chad for some time, and when I finally did, he was talking with Del. I thought that was an appropriate time to at least say hello. We hugged, said 'hi', but I then continued on to meet up with Kylie who was over with my grandchildren. It will never be the same, mainly because I just don't feel the same anymore about him or his family. I feel nothing at all.
The night was full of activities, many of which Kylie took pictures of our little family enjoying. Good food, good fun and great memories made. Once I was able to put certain situations and certain people in their appropriate compartments of importance, I was able to enjoy everyone else around me. The evening was a huge success for our little family. We finally left about 9:00/9:30 p.m. and got home just around 11:00.
For years, I have not mentioned the dissolving of my relationship with my previous employment and my cousin Chad. I have chosen to remain silent about all the details because I refuse to address them. It's no longer important, but did help me to realize how much I was obsessed with others opinions and the desire I had to meet others expectations that were not the same as mine. But all that has changed. Over the past three years, I think the thing I have learned the most, is that MY opinion, my husbands opinion and the Lord's will is what is most, and ONLY important opinions there are. I do not try to please certain people anymore. They do not matter when it comes to my eternal happiness. Sad realization, but necessary. I am so much happier now that I have put others opinions, feelings, and influence over me in the past....wayyy in the past. I was able to function on a level of normal Friday night like I never have before, because I was focused on what really matters to me....MY little family. I didn't have to pretend to be interested in what musical performance was going on in this stake, or who was performing in this play, or who was starring in this lead role here and there. It's not important that I be in the middle or center stage of everything in the church. I take a back seat to a newer generation and enjoy the time I had in my performing years. I don't need to do any of that to be validated. I used to feel, at family get togethers, that it was a time to compare each others opportunities to receive 'pats on the back' for being so involved in every road show, every stake or regional musical performance etc...It was juvenile - and very intimidating. WAS...but no more. I don't need to sing anymore to be important. I'm a Bishop's wife - a grandmother, a mom, a visiting teacher and farmer's wife. That is where I fill my bucket of self worth. I now understand VERY much, to a new level, what my cousin Shirlene said to me 10 years ago when we first moved here. At a family gathering, a rare one that she attended because I had just moved here, she pulled me aside just before we were preparing to go home. I first expressed to her, in my gushing excitement of being around the family, how much fun I had had being with cousins, and my kids being around other cousins. She was glad, but then gave me some interesting advice that until now, I couldn't imagine to ever be necessary. She said,' It's always fun to be around family. But remember that your own little family are the most important people in your life and that even good people, like cousins, can sometimes put unnecessary pressure and opinions that are many times, not yours and not right for you and your family.' She also said that too many times, she felt that when she had come to family get togethers, that she had felt it had become a 'WHO's WHO' in the performing arts and a 'bragging session' of who was performing in what. She remains very loyal and focused on her own family and seldom, if ever comes to family get togethers down here. I understand why. She doesn't NEED to. Neither do I. I am focused and busy enough with the family I am trying to raise that I don't need to try and squeeze in one more activity to attend. We provide it here, at our own home now. We don't need to go somewhere else to have fun. My home is now the place that was mentioned in my patriarchal blessing - 'a refuge - a place where people would want to gather because they would feel the love and the truthfulness of the Gospel within it's walls.'
So, why go anywhere else.?
No need.
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