But I never really knew her story very well - mainly because I just haven't taken the time to get to know too many of the ladies more than our Sunday interactions and comings and goings. But that will all change now, because I've had the pleasure of getting to know more about Doriss this past month than I ever thought I would. Sadly, it has been due to the fact she suffered some serious health issues, emergency surgeries, and then her untimely and heart breaking death on the 30th of December. Most of her life, I have learned about AFTER her passing. Too late. Too late to hear and enjoy it from HER mouth - HER memories - HER sharing her story. I've had to hear about it from her children, read it from her obituary and learn about it from - others. Not her.
On the first Sunday of December, I taught the Relief Society lesson. During that lesson, I kindly, but directly, chastized the sisters for not stepping up and doing some things that I felt we all needed to be doing better. One of those things, was helping to clean the church each Saturday on our assigned weeks for the Aubrey Ward. A sign up sheet had been sent around the room for volunteers to clean the church for the following Saturday. I was both pleased and thrilled to see so many names of young and vibrant sisters who would be there the coming Saturday. But no name touched me more, than to see the feeble and scratchy handwriting of our dear Sister Doriss Martin.
I cried. She had not the means to get to the church, nor the strength or energy to do anything that would be required to fulfill the assignment. But she had still written her name down, with all intents and purposes of helping to clean the Lord's House.
I took the sign - up sheet to the Bishop's office and before Del started his next meeting, caught his attention and showed him the sign up sheet, giving him a brief history of what had happened in Relief Society meeting. His eyes watered up as he saw the tears in my eyes as I told him how sweet, loving Doriss was willing to serve. It was that week, she had her first surgery and went into a coma.
When Del and I went to see her in the hospital, she was in and out of consciousness, but I took the opportunity to whisper in her ear that we wouldn't be expecting her on Saturday morning and that 'she could come another time'. She passed away the following Tuesday.
Today, I had the opportunity of assisting our Relief Society President in dressing Doriss in her temple clothes for the funeral. It was my first time doing this. I was petrified - afraid - scared - of what? I don't know. Emotions, I guess. Death - dead bodies. I wouldn't even dress my own son when he died. In fact, unlike everyone else, once Michael died, I never did touch him again. I never touched my daddy - But now, I was being asked to not only touch a dead body, but to actually handle it - move it- struggle with it. And I didn't want it to be a 'gross' thing for me. I wanted it to be in honor and respect for Doriss.
So, I called my mother. I asked her advice - some 'do's and don'ts' and then some protocol issues - and then I prayed about it. I prayed for two days that the Lord would help me make this all about Doriss and nothing about me. That I would be able to set aside all my 'weirdness' about it and give me peace and comfort in doing what not only needed to be done, but something I could do for Doriss.
Then I went to the funeral home this morning where I was joined by my RS president. We were led into the room where Doriss' body was waiting for us. We sat on a couch first where we reviewed some instructions given by the church on procedures and protocols, and then I asked Maritza if we could have a prayer before we started. She offered it and it was sweet and inspiring. She had only ever done this once before herself, so we were both a little unnerved before the prayer. But calm and peace entered the room and when she asked me if I was ready, I said 'yes', but still with tears in my eyes.
The procedure only took a little over 30 minutes to complete. A multitude of thoughts and questions came to my mind as we dressed Doriss. Was she there watching us? Was she appreciative of our act of service for her and was she glad it was us? How had my brothers handled dressing my father? Was our act acceptable to Heavenly Father? I was surprised at some of the physical aspect of things - how heavy 'dead weight' really is - how understanding that it wasn't really Doriss anymore - just her body - cold, heavy and hard. Not very easy to dress - and amazing the adjustments we had to make to get the temple clothing and robes on and still have be appropriate.
We just wanted it to be right - all of it to be right. For her - and Heavenly Father.
I was emotionally drained when I left. Along with my physical exhaustion from the past week of being sick, I was now emotionally and spiritually exhausted too. I imagine now, I didn't need to worry so much - maybe could have done the whole thing a little more 'mechanically' - but I truly wanted to 'feel' the experience. I wanted the spirit to be there, out of respect for Doriss, but also to have Doriss dressed as she needed to be to approach her Heavenly Father.
Tomorrow is the funeral. Del will be involved as Bishop and speaking - I lead the music and then will also help with the luncheon afterwards. That will bring a very special experience to an end for me. I am grateful for the day and the memory.
No comments:
Post a Comment