Enjoying the 'Fill er' Up' Weekend

It almost sounds selfish.
But unless one takes time to refill their tank, they are left with nothing else to give.
And I don't like running on empty.  But I find, that many times, in my roles as mother, wife, full time employee and member of the church, I forget to take time to 'pull over and refill my tank', in order to make it through the next stretch of life.
It's got to be okay to take 'me' time.  That's what I've done this weekend.  Yesterday, after I took Kathryn's car in to be serviced for the day, I went to my presidency meeting for 2 hours, and then realized, I had the rest of the 'weekend' off.  Not meaning, I didn't have things to do, but I had no commitments.  Del left for an overnight activity with the Youth and so I was left here at home, to enjoy doing my things at my leisure...laundry, cooking, watching sports -cleaning and more BYU sports.  And then today, I have done more laundry, watched more sports and now get to watch BYU football alone.  I like it.  I really do.  I'm just really enjoying some 'me' time.  I will need to finish preparing my Sharing Time for tomorrow and finish the laundry, but all on MY time schedule.
And I will feel FULL tomorrow, ready to go another week of giving of my full tank - to my family, my husband, my job and the church.
I worry, sometimes, about those who don't have the chance to do what I am doing...mainly, my husband. Weeks and weekends like this, don't tend to give him much, if any time to 'refill the tank.'  I need to make sure I am able to cover for him when he's on empty.

Tooth Fairy Flies First Class

Last Friday night, while Del was eating dinner, he winced in pain from a tooth on his lower right side.  I was a little surprised as he hasn't complained or shown any symptoms until then, but he continued be careful in his chewing and eating the rest of the night.
Saturday morning and throughout that day, he continued to complain about how uncomfortable he was when he ate or put any pressure on that tooth and we decided that first thing Monday morning, he would try to get in to his dentist.
Sunday, he suffered through some more discomfort, but it wasn't until Monday morning, when he woke up, that we saw why.  The whole side of his face was swollen and he could barely move his lips when he talked. And he was hurting - and felt sick.  I was off to work with his promise that he would call his dentist the first chance he had and get it taken care of.
He had an appointment at 10:30 - with Dr Tryon, a member in our stake.  They took an xray which showed the tooth had already had a root canal years ago, the tooth had a post and then a crown to top it off.  But apparently, there had been a pocket of infection that had developed around the root of the tooth over the years from seepage of a fracture in the tooth.  That visit cost about $200 + dollars not covered by insurance. Del was sent over immediately to an endodontist, who verified that the root of the tooth had a fractured vertically down the length of the root and that the pocket of infection had basically exploded.  And it was seeping through his blood system and making him really sick. The endodontist felt the tooth couldn't be saved, so he sent him immediately next door to the oral surgeon.  The endodontist cost over another $200, also not covered by insurance.  Finally, the oral surgeon was in network with our insurance and he pulled the tooth!  But NO, that wasn't all.  Because of the infection, a lot of the bone had been destroyed, so a bone graft had to be done after the extraction.  That part though, was not covered by insurance...it was over $450.  Del had to stop by the pharmacy to get three prescriptions and didn't get home until 5:00 which had exhausted his whole day.  And he was miserable - I figured it was party because of his realization of the mounting costs of the day.
I came home to find him swaddled in bed with a sweatshirt, a BYU beanie hat, socks and two blankets. Kathryn was mothering him and trying to keep him comfortable until I could help, but he was pretty miserable.  I put meds down him and tried to get him to eat something, but he wouldn't have it.  He was feeling pretty wiped out by the time he fell asleep.
Yesterday morning, I woke up to Del just NOT moving - asleep, but moaning.  I let him rest, but finally sent him a text by 8:00- HE WAS SICK!  Vomiting, chills, then sweats - chills, then sweats...so sick.  I told him to stop his meds, call his doctor and find out what was wrong.
Of course he was having an allergic reaction to the Tramadol - the pain med.  I came home early from work and nursed him the rest of the day and finally, by late evening, he had the meds out of his system and was feeling well enough to ask for ice cream.  Light at the end of the tunnel.
Figuring the bottom line...over $1000, Del has one more med he can't take and...we've paid for the Tooth Fairy to Fly First Class.  But we still feel blessed.  This is the first tooth Del has ever lost - he's back to good health AND, he didn't have to see his tooth fairy in a tutu and new fairy wings.

The Emotional Heisman

This is the Heisman Trophy.
It goes to the college football player voted, basically, most valuable player in the NCAA.
As you can see in the picture, it is a trophy of a player, that while running with the ball, is trying to both cradle and protect the ball while fighting off any defender trying to get the ball from him.
On the way to work this morning, I was listening to a radio talk show that I really like.  The 4 radio broadcasters were in a conversation about 'relationships' and how we, as a people in the world handle the difficulties that come in each of our unique relationships.
The first man,(JC) who happens to be married with two young children, was expressing how his relationship has just taken a turn for a more 'chaotic' stage in life, as his wife had just recently, (2 months ago) delivered their second child.  He was talking about how the chaos was gradually turning into a 'routine' but the husband/wife relationship was still in a state of confusion.
The second man,(Big Al) not married, is living with his rich 'Dr. girlfriend' who works in a hospital and how they just kind of take things day to day, hoping things might progress in the future, but not doing or changing anything to make it go that way.
Kelly, who is divorced and a single mother, is middle aged, or in her early 40's, but thinks the best years of her life have passed her by.  She struggles being a single mom to a sassy mouthed 7 year old and feels that it takes too much effort to juggle it all AND try to find another husband and father for her child.  So, instead, she has decided to have a 31 yr old, what she calls, a 'BOY TOY' to just have fun with, use up and then spit out when she gets bored with him.
Jenna is the last of the group - single - late 20's and a career girl - has a low, raspy sexy voice, but is more a tomboy than anything else.  She is the type of girl that likes to party on the weekend, but go home after work each day, put on sweats and just sit in front of the tv and veg - she does work out, keep in shape, and has no problem finding or going out on dates.  But they usually never have a second date because she is lazy and puts little or no effort into pursuing  her future as far as 'love' goes.  She claims she doesn't have time for it - it's too hard - too much effort - but if Mr.Perfect did happen to pass right in front of her path, she might actually agree to a relationship.  But she wants it to be easy - fairytale - and short.  She tends to sabotage anything else.
It's to Jenna, my heart tugged.  This morning, on the ride into work, she was saying how tired she is of not having 'someone' - but feeling bad that she doesn't want to try harder FOR someone either.  She feels she has this little world she lives in, is comfortable in it and tries to protect it from other people trying to take it away from her or change it.  She travels through her life with one hand on her emotions (ball), and her other hand fighting off those trying to take them from her - fighting them off.  She called it...The Emotional Heisman.
How accurate is that...of my life too.  I have my family, my comfort zone, my little box - and I have been trying to protect it, value it and keep it safe from those trying to intrude - or take it away.  I have my one arm wrapped around my little cocoon, with my other hand blocking off the world.
But you know what...Jenna's not happy.  There are days that she has it all together and thinks she's on top of the world.  But the fact is..on those days, she's on the top of the world ALONE.  I'm not alone, but I have narrowed my little sphere of influence and friends down to a small few.  I need to just drop my guard a little and be willing to toss the ball around to a few other players.  It's so much funner to play the game with a full team than with only a few selected players.

Time To Take a Different Approach

I've spent a LOT of my time this year in a little cocoon that I have created around myself.  I have focused on only the things immediately in front of me and within my realm of influence.  I have been very secluded and tried to take care of things close here to home.
It's had it's good results, but it has also had some expected backlash.  I have not been close with any of my family; meaning my siblings and I have purposely distanced myself from certain people and influences in order to keep focused and think clearly on some things at hand.  There are a few who have been very understanding of my need for some space.  Others, not so much.  I didn't go to family reunion, but I wasn't surprised that I didn't have any regrets.  I really am not that close to much of my family - I have probably three siblings that I would truly miss if I never saw them again.
I don't know why I feel this way.  I just do.  I don't NEED to talk to more than Elaine, Rachel and Becca - and realizing that they are probably busier than I am, I seldom call 'to just chat'.  But some of that has come back to bite me in the butt...I don't hear a lot of family stuff going on - which is to be expected..I don't get invited to a lot of family things because I seldom go, either because there are actual previous commitments or, I am too lazy to put forth the effort to go.  And, most of it, I am okay with.
But I've decided I am going to actually put forth a special effort to let those that I DO need, know that I love them and need them.  I'm going to step outside my selfish bubble and extend myself a little more to towards those I care about.  I need to think more of my sisters and mother - I need to reach out more to the members in my ward.  I need to care for my visiting teaching ladies better - send notes to people in need.  I need to quit being lazy with my time and reach out...
I realize that I have focused all of my emotions, time and efforts towards my husband, my children and my grandchildren - all of which is good - but it is not all I can do.  I need to do more.
So - time to take a different approach.
Manage my time - my efforts - manage my abilities.
I want to go back to nurturing the relationships that are important to me - and that CAN be more than who I have sheltered in my cocoon.
And...quit being so lazy.
Fat, old, lazy grandma.
Hopefully, I will have some good results.  If not immediately, then in due time.

Not My Favorite Holiday...BUT....

Nothing cuter than a cowboy and his trusted pony.

Cowboy and pony hanging out with their Papa.

Angry Bird found time to give her grandkids a hug.

Halloween Carnival at Bliss Orthodontics!!!!

'Duster Moon'

When I get completely and totally overwhelmed with life and trials, I text my sister Elaine.
It's not often - and it's not always - but it is when it is.
Otherwise, I have been trying so much harder to keep private things private and trials and tribulations within the walls of my own home,,,,ie...off facebook and off my blog.
But today, I spilled to Elaine.
She's ALWAYS good for putting things into perspective, keeping me grounded and level headed and encouraged in times when things do not look encouraging.
Several text messages went back and forth, filled with good counsel, words full of empathy and support and reminders that we still need to carry on as wives, mothers, employee's, ward members, Bishop's wives,  DUSTERS, neighbor and friend.. etc etc...
I needed the laugh...it was timely and effective..
'Sisters' are by far, the best.
Thanks for the laugh, Duster Moon.

Forgiveness Does NOT Equal Friendship

I'm grateful that after some years, I have been forgiven of an unkindness I inflicted on a friend.  But I almost allowed that gesture to become more than it should ever be and I am disappointed to realize how easily it was for me to even desire the friendship.
But things evolved into me once again, having the Lord bring to my awareness that friendship with this person is toxic - and can only destroy what I desire in life.
So, it's never to be...And I'm once again, good with that.
I'm grateful to be forgiven...it was a hard thing for this friend to do.
But friends, we will never be again.
I'm okay - even good.