October Came and Went - A Few Things

Okay...I've got a good job, that although in the recent weeks has been shaky with the mood swings and antics of what you would think are high school girl fights, I do like it. I just need to figure out what childish behavior and unkindness es I am willing to tolerate and what I won't put up with at this stage in my life. I'm not a quitter...but I may need to get a little less tolerant of some of the **** going on in the office. I don't like bullies...the 'mean girl gang' is alive and well at this office...and I need to figure out what I'm going to do about it.
I'm going to the temple tomorrow; for the first time in over a year. I'm glad. I feel ready - not a 100% but at least ready to try and present myself before God with a humble and obedient heart. But it's the same heart that at times, still hurts from my past and current memories. So I will be in the temple with a very timid and tender heart.
I have friends who are suffering right now with disappointment and struggles in their lives. A friend who's son just left for the MTC and stayed only 3 days before realizing that he was not able to physically handle the anxiety attacks of being away from what he has always known as 'safe'. This is a young man with a firm and growing testimony, a righteous heart and a desire to be obedient. So why would the Lord allow this young man to suffer this debilitating illness instead of being able to serve where he has been called?? What could he possible need to learn from this trial? What does his family need to learn from this experience and disappointment of their son not being able to meet his own and others hopes and expectations? It leaves me with unanswered questions and this young man and family with life changing plans. And all of to love and support both the young man and his family unconditionally. No judgments needed or asked for.
Another friend is suffering in a loveless and verbally/mentally abusive marriage. But she's in it because she made a promise 12 years ago and loves him, even as he diminishes her to nothing. She wants to be strong but I have watched her over the past few years dwindle to almost nothing of a human being and even less of a woman. Her heart has been broken over and over. I don't know how much more she can or should take. I want to help. I need to help. I need to figure out how to help.
I ordered copies of the best pictures from Anne who took our family pictures back in August. They are now hanging on the walls throughout my home. I love them. They make me happy. I feel love when I look at them. I need to continue to strive to make my home a place that I feel love. And yet, when I watched the BYU channel the other night, I heard the following statement at the end of one of the shows. I found the comment both profound and thought provoking...it was as follows...'sorrow is an inevitable result of loving someone. The depth of your sorrow is an indication as to the depth of your love'.
Halloween had my grandson in the most adorable 'Peter Pan' costume made by his sweet mother Kylie. I was so impressed by Kylie's efforts to MAKE a costume along with everything else she is currently doing in her life. She is carrying two jobs...full time mom, wife, church calling, keeps up with her house and is now doing little things like sewing costumes and making new pillows for her bed to match the new color of the wall she painted in her bedroom. Yes, she's going to have a meltdown soon; she's my daughter; I know her. But she is trying so hard to do it all. I just need to be there for her when she will need me.
The holiday's are coming. My mother in law is coming for three weeks to visit before Thanksgiving. Then, all the children will be here for Christmas. The holiday's will be busy but they never seem to be busy enough to make me forget what memories they bring; now, a few more memories than ever before. But I will enjoy them nonetheless.
We just enjoyed Stake Conference last Sunday. Uncle Bob and Aunt Talmage were there as temple president and matron...they gave good talks. Also in attendance and speaking was President of the Dallas Mission....President Devin Durrant. Name sound familiar? To me, yes. I attented BYU when Devin played basketball for the Cougars. He was and is 6'7...very handsome and was good. He went pro after college but only for like 5 years or so before he quit, started a family and moved on. Now, he serves here in Texas. Weird to see him old...like me. I remember watching him play every game. The next years, his brother played too and still does basketball commentating for the BYU team now. His father is a sealer at the Mt Timp temple and worked with my dad a lot. I met him in January at Jordan's wedding. Good people.
What else??? My weight...I've gained 2/3 pounds back but some thickness around my middle area. BUT, when I saw some people at stake conference on Sunday that I hadn't seen in over a year, they were stunned and very complimentary about my new weight loss. I felt good, but I need to make sure I don't let it sneak back on me...so I'm starting to walk again.
I am content. Happy? Yes, in many circumstances and at many times, I am happy. Am I moving on? Yes, for the most part, I am moving on with my life in the areas of most importance. I am resigned to certain decisions and 'states of being.' and will continue to do so until my circumstances change.
A new car is in the works in the next month or so. Del will be getting a new computer and set up in the next month and then we will be looking to buy a new home next summer. So some changes and additions are on the way. But there are many things that remain a constant and stabling factor in my life...my family, my children and Del.
And SPORTS...my Green Bay Packers remain undefeated....BYU football continues in an uphill battle but with some nice wins while on the roller coaster, and then BYU basketball is just starting. So, I DO survive emotionally week to week with my sports.
Life is...good....stable....progressing....okay...at times, very boring. But I do still live.