He Continues to Give Us Joy

Just his facial expressions bring a smile to my heart.
We spent another night over at Mike and Kylie's house, which included, of course, feeding him dinner, smoothies and then giving him the much needed bath. So cute...all of it.
Talking up a storm and jumping up and down with both feet in the air are some of his new things. He does this one saying of 'DEE DEE DOUGH; that makes his lips purse together. I try to catch it in pictures cuz his face is just too cute...plus, his smile seems to have widened over the past few months each time he sees us. I also taught him 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' a week ago and that seems to thrill him, along with 'Paddy Cake'.
He's a freakin' genius...we've decided. But we don't think that way just because he's ours. We're pretty sure most people think he is. He IS our grandson though...hereditary, we're certain.
Probably MY side of the family.

What My Signature is Worth These Days

So...
This is what I co-signed for.
This is Kathryn's new car....a 2008 Chrysler Sebring.
And it's a good car. Del checked it out and did some research on it before he let Kathryn get it. I basically was just needed to sign the loan papers. Del wanted to stay off the loan for the convenience of when we go to get a loan for our home. It won't go against his credit.
So...I consider this an investment...in my daughter. An opportunity for her to be an adult and prove herself up to the level of maturity needed to take on this responsibility. I trust her. I love her and I believe in her.
I pray she doesn't disappoint.

WHEW!!! What a Relief!!!

As a mother, my natural and desirable instinct is to 'fix things'...cuts, scrapes, scratches and all 'boo-boo's'...heartache, headaches and every kind of other ache...big mistakes, little mistakes and all unintentional mistakes...
BUT GUESS WHAT???
I don't have to anymore...
Why?
Because this book says I don't have to and it's actually okay NOT to.
You can't imagine the weight that lifts off my 'motherly' shoulders!!!
I just started reading this book today...and I'm only three chapters into the information and I already feel 20 pounds lighter and 10 years younger.
Go figure...not my job to FIX everything...but to 'walk emotionally with those I care about while empowering them to solve their own problems'.
Could this really be done??? Even with those I have felt are 'unfix able?'
There's hope - there's time...and there's relief!!!
Implementation of new knowledge effective immediately.

A Simple Reminder...

Pretty, aren't they?
I've had a lot thrown at me lately....
BUT...the following thought gives me strength.

....'A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation
with the bricks others have thrown at her...'

When I Get Old...er

...I want to sit right here on my front porch with the man I love....
and watch my grandchildren running around in the big 10 acre meadow in front of our home or riding horses...or four wheeling...or chasing each other playing Cowboys and Indians or pretending to be Robin Hood in Sherwood Forest; or fairly princesses dancing through the flowers in tutu's made of pink, yellow and green lace.
I want to be content.
I want to have peace.
I want to feel joy.
I want to hear music in the air.
I want to be laughing at the picture in front of my eyes.
I want no regrets...only sweet memories.
I want to be in love and loved in return.
I want my heart full of gratitude for every friend, every member of my family and every person who has ever been any part of my life.
I want God to know I love Him, I did my best and tried my hardest to be worthy of the dream in front of my eyes.
When I get old...er.

P.S. But if by chance that man I love wants a little more excitement than those two old rocking chairs on the porch can provide, I would be up for a ride in our Chevy convertible, with the top down, the wind blowing in my longer gray hair and the radio blasting our music from the 70's...maybe a little ABBA..Doobie Brothers..BTO...ELO.....
....we might not be back for days.....
....mwahahahahaha!!! :)

Brain Fart

Last Saturday afternoon, I had a severe headache. I mean, like the kind that are so debilitating that I'm left pretty clueless for a couple of hours afterwards. And it hurt.
When I was finally able to function, Del and I did a little research on the internet and found what we felt was the correct diagnosis for what had happened...a combination of stress, hormones, and physical pain. And the result was actually the bursting of some brain cells..a mini aneurysm...and the brain cells dying. Painful.
Today, I proved our diagnosis correct.
Kathryn has totalled out two of our cars. She is currently driving our loser cruiser mini van as she has to go to and from work every day and has no transportation.
Today, I co-signed on a loan for a new (used) car...for Kathryn.
Diagnosis confirmed.
But I signed...on the dotted line.
I'm now left wondering....
?How many brain cells died Saturday and how many live one's do I have left???

Surrounded By Those I Love

Since my last post, I have received an outpouring of love from some of those that I hold dearest to my heart...telling me they 'are there for me' during some difficult times, and that they support me and love me and are proud of me. It has meant everything to me. It has given me the strength I need to make it through some very private and quiet moments of anguish that have occurred during this purging of my past. Some of those people have been by my side the whole time...never left my side even once; Del being the first on that list. He could have walked away you know, but never would have. He is a man of honor - a covenant man - a man of God. And he deeply and truly loves me...How do I know? He tells me...he shows me....he stays by me.
Today, I shared my testimony in church...the first time in years.
Above all, I was grateful to a Father in Heaven that has loved me through my trials and temptations and then secondly, for a Heavenly Father that blessed me with a husband who has done the same. And then for the people who have surrounded me in their love and friendship...
my children, my sisters Elaine and Rebecca, Sean and Becky, Amy LeBaron, Susan Robb and my sweet Bishop to name just a few. I feel loved...and supported. And I need and desire nothing else.
The pictures above are from last night...a double date with Mike and Kylie to the movies. So much fun being with them...they bought the movie tickets so we tried to compensate with buying the candy we snuck into the theater in Kylie's purse. It was nice being with people I love and enjoying myself.
The Primary children did not disappoint today either.
But in a different way.
Yes, there were the adorably drawn pictures, the big loves and hugs from so many of them, but today, I taught them a song about Easter...and the importance of taking a 'quiet and still moment' to think about Jesus, even at the very young age at which they find themselves. And the spirit was there....and touched my heart as I saw them with their eyes closed, thinking about Jesus as I sang to them the song about Jesus suffering on the cross.
They understood. And I did too.
It's His love I feel the most at this point in my desire to live this new life.
And when He is not able to be here himself, He has given me Del and all the others previously mentioned to be there, by my side, surrounding me with unconditional love.
I feel strong...sustained...supported...
and loved.

I WILL NOT Succumb

Since April of last year, this black hole has tried to suck me deep into it's grasp.
Too many times, I was just inches from it's edge.
A few times I was even ready to just dive in head first.
I have fought every angle there is to overcoming the past year of my life...sometimes with minimal success but most times with no success at all. It has been a continual 'one step forward, three steps back'. I have felt totally and completely a failure when it has come to 'moving on' from what I have now appropriately and officially labeled my 'mid life crisis.' I have never 'cleansed' myself of all that last year included and have only just recently taken the final steps to purge my life of 'all things in my past'.
But I have now...
So, I'm feeling capable of tackling some important issues.
I've gained ten pounds back over the past 6 months. I can't explain how disappointing that is for me. I have been an emotional wreck over family issues, work issues, financial issues and personal issues that I have eaten myself into oblivion!!! So, back to discipline...walking, eating habits etc...I no longer have the same motivation I did to lose the weight as last year, but I have BETTER reasons now.
So, effective immediately, I'm back to NO junk food. Walking every day; hard. Taking care of my body - hair, make up and figure.
I have a temple recommend...need one final signature on it and I'm back. I haven't been to the temple since Jordan's wedding. I haven't been worthy. But I am now. Back to prayers...back to scriptures. Back to NEEDING my Heavenly Father first and foremost in my life. I will NEVER be anything without this vital step first.
At the same time that I am taking time for myself in certain areas, I need to totally engross myself in my future with my family. I think I've said this before, but never implemented the changes. Effective immediately, my life is my family.
No black hole for me. I WILL not be sucked in. I WILL not lose this battle.
I will win because I am now playing on the winning team.
Effectively immediately, I am....Marlys Packard Lott....daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me...and I love Him.

Me...at age 52

This was at the end of a LONG Sabbath Day.
I had taught 120 children through two hours of Primary; I had made a full fledged barbecue dinner over a hot stove, grill and in the oven; I had finished a teary temple recommend interview, taken a one hour nap, played out in the WINDY backyard and then done two loads of dishes.
I was beat tired....but still played games.
I can see my sister Sheila in my face...a lot of my mother...some of my father.
I can see a wife of almost 30 years, a mother of four grown adults, a grandmother, a housekeeper, cook, maid, employee and friend.
I can see joy, weariness, stress and happiness.
I have laugh lines, worry lines, tired lines and happy lines.
I see who I am.
Need improvement???
In a lot of areas, yes.
But in most? I'm getting there...
and you get what you get...and we don't pitch a fit.

Like Father, Like Son

I see his father in his face.
And he's handsome, just like his dad.
A little different hair style from 30 years ago, but those same eyes, the same mouth and the same rugged look his father had many years ago.
And just like his dad, he doesn't look half bad in Wrangler jeans.
Not half bad.

A Little Windy, But Finally Spring!!

Let the outdoor activities begin....
Preston is going to love the Spring and Summer. Jordan took Preston for a 'dip' in the canal behind Kylie's house. It was fun but still a little too cool. Come summer though, we are going to play it up outside!!!

The Making of a New Robin Hood

I guess his Halloween costume was prophetic...
The process is amazing to watch through the pictures.
From a playing little boy with his water pail...to observing the shooting of the arrows...to the analyzing of the bow and arrow...to hands on, attempting to put them together on his own...
to his father showing him the 'how to'.
And do you notice in the pictures, how Preston watches...intently...and learns.
He will master this sport one day...you watch and see. Because HE watches...and learns.
Our little Robin Hood.

Robin Hood and His Merry Men

We had a fun night of archery the other night.
Del was the master...but Jordan wasn't half bad and then of course, Lexi took her turn and put them both to shame. of course, if you notice in the picture, she had to close her eyes to do it, but she showed them her skills.
As in tennis, Preston was the 'ball/arrow' boy, collecting all the arrows from the target once they had hit their mark. But he soon realized, he too wanted to be just like Papa.....
next post.....

Thank you Sean!

Two years ago, I was making Sean EARN his 'eating over to dinner privileges'. So beginning Spring, I had him plant tulips in my flower garden and now, the above are the results from his one afternoon of hard work.
And I think of him every time I go outside to start my day, and every night when I come home to finish it.
And I smile.
I love you Sean.

I Wish She Would Quit Doing This

This is the second car Kathryn has 'totalled'.
Into ANOTHER tree!!!
She floored the gas pedal instead of the brake pedal, going up over the curb and smack into a tree.
It would be okay had it not gone so deep into the radiator...
But nope....
She was THIS close to moving into an apartment...a move we REALLY didn't want her to make but one we were going to bite our tongue through and hope she came away from unscathed. But, we truly believe things happen for a reason, and we are grateful that there is now, a FORCED change of events. She can't have her apartment and a new car too. So, she is going to forgo the apartment and save for a car.
Good choice.
Thank heavens.
Again...she is not hurt. But yet another car has been branded by Kathryn's magical touch.
And she wonders why I won't let her drive my new car....
Uh, .....DUH!!!!

Del Has the Touch

Can't question why Preston loves his Papa....


And Michael loved his daddy for the same reason.
Picture taken in 1985 in California.

Let There Be NO Confusion....

Truth IS what it is...
and just because one may choose not to believe what truth is does NOT change the fact of it's validity.
God's laws are His laws.
His word is His word.
And His justice will be served whether you choose to believe or not.
And today, I have found it necessary to make sure that those I love, know, under no uncertain terms, that I do NOT condone nor support unrighteous choices, actions or decisions in their life that are contrary to God's law. And just as God loves each and every one of us unconditionally, I too, love them unconditionally, but do NOT, and never will agree with their wrong choices.
What is wrong, is wrong...and never will be right.
Wickedness never was/is happiness....and never will be.
I will not support them in sin.
And for this, I will NOT apologize.
So, when I tell you I love you unconditionally, please do NOT make the mistake of thinking or believing that I support you in your wrong choices...in sin.
I do NOT. And I don't want to hear about those choices in the future.
I hold myself to this same standard and accept nothing less from myself.
God will judge us all. I will not judge. But I will not condone nor support the wrong choices either.
To sit back and have to watch the results and fall out of certain choices is painful and heart breaking for me. And the worst is yet to come. Most of what is to come will be almost more than I can bare. But I cannot save those I love from the consequences of their choices.
Just as last year was almost 'my undoing', these next few months and years will be even more heart wrenching for me to endure as I watch happen what I cannot stop from happening. The lessons to be learned are going to be life changing one way or the other.
I only hope that all of us involved will be able to endure the fall out of...our choices.

He's One of the Best

Peyton Manning.
Released today from the Indianapolis Colts.
Idiots!!!!
I'm sooooo disappointed. I have been a real Colts fan since Austin Collie, of BYU, went to the Colts about three years ago. Before that, I still admired Peyton because he was just plain good. Then, Austin goes there and all of a sudden, he's getting these great passes from Manning and I find myself loving the Colts a LOT.
Peyton has been in the NFL for only 14 years, drafted by the Colts and has been their starting quarterback the whole 14 years. He has taken them to MULTIPLE championships, even playoffs, and even to the Super Bowl with ONE Super Bowl Championship.
And today, they released him.
At the very beginning of the 2011 season, Peyton suffered a pretty rough injury that ended up him requiring surgery on his throwing arm. He ended up sitting out that whole season this past year as doctors wouldn't clear him to play until just now. For some unknown negotiating problems the owners and Manning have not been able to resolve, they agreed (?) to release Manning now so that he can be picked up by another team in order to start the new season.
Headline news. And his news conference was heart wrenching...I couldn't even watch it a second time as he thanked his team mates, coaches and mostly, the Colt fans.
What a loss for the Colts.
Idiots.
Probably 8+ teams waiting in the wings to pick him though. Won't be the same seeing him in another teams jersey, but seeing him play anywhere is better than not at all.
They have retired his jersey...#18. No one will ever wear the #18 Colts jersey again.
Idiots.

'I Want To Run to You'

Whitney Houston.
Now this woman could sing. And she did.
But not anymore. What a loss. She was unbelievably good...more than good, REALLY good. She died just over two weeks ago...probably by an overdose of prescription meds and alcohol.
I have listened to her music for probably over 30 years. I have my favorites as does the rest of the world. But my favorite was the title of this post...'I Want to Run To You'. She sang it in the movie 'The Bodyguard', which movie soundtrack sold more than any other soundtrack...ever.
The heavenly choir just got themselves a great addition to their soprano section.
May her voice sing on in the heavens.

This Time? It Hit Indiana

And they were devastating....again.
The three main stories to come out of this disaster were as follows....
An infant baby girl, 18 months old, was found 10 MILES FROM HER HOME, in an open field, still alive. Unbelievable...and it gave such hope and joy to all of us who recognized for the miracle that it was. But it didn't last long as three days later, she was taken off life support and died from her extensive injuries.
My heart broke. The rest of her family had already all been found...dead.
The second story...
A mother of two children heard the noise of the tornado coming, grabbed her kids and ran to the basement of her home where she only had time to cover them with her body before the tornado completely ripped her brand new BEAUTIFUL dream home to smitherines...she lay on top of the two children who escaped with not a single scratch to their bodies. Their mother lost both her legs; one from the knee down and the other just below the ankle. The father had been out of town.
The third headline read: 'Seven year old boy thrown 300 yards from his bed onto the nearby highway'. And he lived. The picture was of the cutest African American boy laying in a hospital bed with bandages from head to toe. His family surrounded him with tears on his mothers face.

There are more stories and more deaths. I don't even know the total death toll as of date, but I know it's a lot. I shake my head a lot at the thought of some of those families literally losing EVERYTHING they had...including their loved ones. Not just clothes, not just things, but their loved ones.
It has been a difficult week.