I have always had weight issues. Yes, even at birth - for Pete's sake, I weighed 11 pounds at birth!! That wasn't even fair to start that heavy! I didn't even have a fighting chance. But it has continued throughout my life. I have always over eaten, not exercised as I should, thus always had extra pounds to carry around. I have only once, or twice, in my 55 years, been thin and looked really good. Well, now that I think of it, maybe 3-4 times. But it has always been after DRASTIC dieting, exercising like a crazy wild woman and only lasted for a short time. I have started diets and healthy eating probably a hundred times...I have such good intentions but terrible follow through and will power. And guess what? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being fat... At this point in my life, I no longer over eat and indulge in fatty foods, BUT, I also have all this extra weight that I can no longer lose by fasting, starving, exercising and or 'doing without'.
It has to be....cut off. Yep. You read that right. CUT OFF! For 22 years, I have dreamed about having liposuction and a tummy tuck. Never thought it would happen because Del is just not one that would ever consider spending that kind of money on something not covered by insurance. Yes, my breast reduction 20 years ago was covered by insurance and was, to this date, the best thing I have EVER done for myself. It was life changing for me. Well, time for my second and last life changing moment. Del has agreed to let me have liposuction and a tummy tuck.
Do you even understand what that means for me??? I have NEVER had a flat tummy. Never. I will have a flat tummy - and a lot of fat cells melted and removed from my back, hips and stomach area - along with a football sized piece of my stomach removed and stitched back together....
Details.
Three weeks ago, I was laying in bed and Del and I were talking about dreams and wishes. I shared with him about what I had always hoped for. Instead of shutting me down, as I completely expected him to do, he actually asked questioned and entertained the thought. In fact, the more we discussed things, the more he realized how long I had hoped for something like this and the amount of research I had been doing for years about it. After a little more discussion, he actually said 'yes', and we would work towards saving the money for it.
I set up some consult appointments with some plastic surgeons that I had been referred to by some co-workers I had been in conversation with and attended my first consult last Friday. Please realize, this is a combination of exciting and humiliating for me, knowing that, once again, I am going to have to strip down to my birthday suit and show someone else my total lack of will power, self control and obsession for food. But I was also able to think about the end result and realized it would be totally worth it.
I went to the appointment Friday - to Dr John Burns. I was asked to put on a bathrobe with his name embroidered on it. I felt like I was cheating on Del by wearing another mans bathrobe and told the doctor so when he came in the room. Introductions were awkward, but I figured I better get relaxed knowing what was going to be coming during the next hour. He asked if I had any questions and his eyes widened as I opened my binder and pulled out a full page of questions I had been researching over the past few weeks. One by one, he answered each question with the answers I was wanting to hear. And I was pretty precise and matter of fact about my questions. He was thorough and precise with his answers and kept complimenting me on the depth of my questions, mentioning several times that he was impressed with my research and understanding of the procedures. I told him that the money we planned on spending on this life changing experience, was hard earned money; that we didn't take lightly the spending of our hard earned money on just anything. I shared with him my hopes of the surgical results and what I hoped this change would provide for me and the rest of my life. He was glad I had come to him.
After all my questions had been answered and I was satisfied with his explanations of procedures, he was then going to have to examine me. The dreaded un-robing.
I stood and un-tied the sash of the robe to expose the front of my body. I expected a reaction - a gasp - a giggle - a stifled cough of disgust - something. But nothing. I wondered how hard that had been for him to keep from reacting. I guess he's seen worse??? I told myself to not ramble with words as he inspected his canvas....he asked me to look at what he was seeing here and there...I told him 'I've seen it before' and jokingly asked him 'if he could please remove it'. He found my nervous humor funny. He asked me to look at an area a little below my right hip. I said 'I can't see it - that's why I'm here. I can't see anywhere past this huge belly'. He laughed outloud.
He explained that because of childbirth, my stomach muscle had been ripped apart and he was going to need to repair it first. He said that no matter how much exercising and dieting I did, I would never have a flat stomach with a ripped muscle. I guess that was supposed to make me feel better that it wasn't the daily Big Macs I had been having back in 2009 for a three month spurt. I was encouraged more and more as he explained exactly what would happen with each procedure. He lifted my HUGE stomach roll to show where the incisions would be - hip to hip and then from my belly button to my pubic bone, he would take out a football sized piece of stomach for the tummy tuck - along with all the fat cells underneath it. Above the belly button and to the bottom of my rib cage, he would do laser lipo suction - along with my 'flanks' - sides, top of the back of my butt and up along my back. 'Contouring' and 'sculpting' were the words he used most often - I felt like an art project. And in the end, he promised me I would feel beautiful.
I want to believe him. I really do. But this all seems so surreal to me. I will have a different body - I will have a flat stomach. I will have a waistline and I will have a shape...aside from round. He promised me.
I had to go have pictures taken. Really?? I remembered when I had had my breast reduction and I had needed to have pictures taken for insurance purposes - The expected gasp was loud and clear from the photographer on that occasion. I expected the same again...but once again, nothing. No sound - not a peep. No robe this time either - just in my birthday suit on this pedestal. I faced the female photographer as she snapped me straight on -I was facing the number 1. She then asked me to rotate to the number 2, which was on the wall a little to the right. 'Yes lady photographer, there is fat at that angle too'. Another rotation to the right to #3 - 'fat there too'...angle #4 was my best side, but the fat was there too...I quickly looked to see exactly how many angels were going to show my FULL body of fat. It would take 10. All them showed exactly why I was there. I had a body's worth of fat to remove - . I put my robe back on, apologized for my contribution to her day and left the room to go back to where my comforting clothes were waiting on the chair for me to cover my years of indulgences. I was back in my scrubs.
The surgery wont be until December - Christmas break. It will be the only time Dr Henao will be gone long enough for me to have the surgery and have two weeks to recover. Yes, Dr Henao would let me do it anytime I wanted, but I need to save the money for it too. Del and I have discussed the full financial plan and we are excited that we won't be needing to go into debt for any of this procedure. I was hoping for it not to be any kind of burden on Del. I was already feeling very selfish for wanting something so costly for just me. But Del is being a sweetheart about this, and very supportive.
I'm not announcing this - have only told my kids and a few of my sisters and Dr Henao. Otherwise, only those who read my blog will know. When discussing it with Kathryn, she makes me laugh at her openness about my weight and body. She cracks me up - literally makes me laugh out loud. When I told her of having to be photographed at 10 different angels, she said 'Did they not think you were fat at EVERY angel'. She and I have always been very blunt and open about ourselves. I laughed. When I first texted her that her daddy had said 'yes' to the surgery, her text back read ' I hate you'. She's jealous - I know this is hard for her too. She wants to be thin too. But she's happy for me, I know. I texted her back with 'I love you too'.
I'm excited...really excited. Life changing for me...can't wait until December.
Merry Christmas to me.
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