We were told about 4 weeks ago that our stake was going to be split. When it was announced, Del and I both expressed, to each other only, that somehow, Del would be involved. But he was not even on the list of priesthood brethren to be interviewed. Because Del has been involved in the process several times in the past, he knows, that generally, the current stake presidency, high council, and current bishops of the wards, are interviewed as possible new stake presidents. So Del considered himself not even 'on the radar' for this possible change. But I mentioned to him that if he were to be the new stake president, that the Lord would not care who is on the list.
Over the 4 weeks, we continued with our daily routines, but in our prayers, would express to the Lord that Del was willing to serve wherever the Lord wanted him to be, and that he was living a life of pure service to the Lord. I was feeling strongly of the fact Del would be called to the stake presidency, even to the point I felt I had received a spiritual witness and confirmation as such. Del was not as sure as I was, but did give some thought to possible situations if he was. But he did NOT act on any of his feelings but to continue his spiritual learning and daily ministering and going about his business.
This past week, we both felt pretty strongly of an upcoming calling. It was substantiated even more so when Del received an email from the stake executive secretary, inviting Del to be among those interviewed on Saturday by the visiting General Authorities. That basically sealed the deal for me. I began to imagine some things I would do, who I would notify first, and how it was going to affect some of our future decisions and plans for our lives.
Saturday morning came - we had attended the temple earlier in the week and had prayer that morning together where I once again, was prompted strongly by the spirit that the result of Del's interview, would be a call back later with me accompanying him to receive the call of stake president for the new stake.
Del returned from his interview about an hour after he had left. He said he felt 'non feeling' and that actually, the decision had already been made before he even arrived. I was confused and then even more so, when he mentioned some others who were also there to be interviewed. None of them would have been on the 'normal list' of brethren.
We spent the next three hours waiting for the phone call. When we realized it wasn't going to come, then Del changed his clothes and went out to mow the lawn. Prior, he had remained in his suit ready to return.
This is when the Lord taught ME the powerful lesson I was to learn that day. Del wasn't upset - not mad, not confused and not disappointed. His comment was - 'Marlys, it doesn't matter where the Lord uses me, just that he DOES use me'. In fact, he was even relieved that he would still be right where he is at, ministering to specific individuals in our ward and stake that have really come to rely and depend on his one on one service to them. Apparently, to Del, the Lord does not need Del to be the stake president. But I was wanting Del to be the stake president so he would finally have a platform to teach and administer to the stake the important things Del knows about the gospel.
Of course, I am the one who had all the feelings that Del did NOT. I felt I had received a direct witness, thus indicating that I felt betrayed and deceived from the Lord. 'Why wouldn't the Lord just tell me 'NOT AT THIS TIME MARLYS' and then have no promptings, no feelings and no interview for me to become hopeful from? I cried - I even expressed all these emotions and feelings to Del with a tinge of anger and disappointment. He tried to calm my soul and tell me that, Yes, he had had some specific feelings also, but realized in was just not the time and he had moved on with peace and calm.. But he was understanding of my feelings and resentment.
We were able to pretty much figure out who the new stake president would be - a counselor in the current presidency , who had been interviewed at the beginning of the day. I expressed to Del that I felt the GA's had made the 'easy' or 'logical' choice instead of waiting for everyone to be interviewed. Yes, I was bitter. Can you tell? Well, if you can't, Del could.
He told me he understood some of my confusion and disappointment, considering I had felt a spiritual witness of the upcoming events. He did not try to refer to the impressions without allowing my experience to be validated. But he, in no uncertain terms, said that he had no doubt the Lord was aware of each situation and that who needed to be called as stake president WOULD BE CALLED, and he did not doubt it.
I was humbled. Still felt snubbed, but humbled. I still cried that night too, and stayed up wallowing in my disappointment. In my prayers that night, I did tell the Lord that I was struggling - REALLY struggling with what I had felt were spiritual witnesses to the fact Del would be the new stake president, if not one of the counselors. When that did not happen, I told the Lord all the feelings of betrayal, deceit and confusion I was feeling - and asked why I had been allowed to experience what I had experienced over the past week? I did not want to attend conference the next morning because I was sure I would not feel anything and I was afraid of whom might be the counselors and if I felt they would be worth of the calling. I was really afraid I would not be able to sustain my new stake priesthood leaders.
Yesterday morning, I awoke and showered and dressed for stake conference. I was feeling stirrings of the spirit and actually tried to suppress them so I could remain annoyed. But the closer it came to getting ready to leave, my heart was feeling light - calm - and yes, peaceful. I felt this rush of extreme assurance that things were going to be okay. A lot of my personal emotions of the day previous, were melting away from my heart. I was beginning to feel hopeful, optimistic and even joyful. I was no longer questioning my previous weeks promptings and spiritual witnesses, but recognizing them as a gift from my Savior of some very spiritual memories I will always cherish. I was able to set aside ALL my negative feelings and thoughts, and give gratitude to the Lord for the spirit that had attended me that whole week. The result of those experiences were not what I thought they would be, but the experiences themselves, were true and validated. I had them. I felt them and I would be grateful for them.
Stake conference went as planned. Our new stake president is exactly who we thought it would be. And the counselors are men we have known and loved and will be a wonderful support to our new stake president. I was overwhelmingly pleased. Each man spoke - from both the old stake presidency and then from the new stake presidency. Our new president was last to speak. And I was joyfully assured, that he was truly the new president that our Father in Heaven wanted to lead our stake. His words were profound, filled with humility and love, and he shared a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel that my soul needed to hear. I truly received a spiritual witness to the truthfulness of his calling.
And I thanked my Heavenly Father. I thanked Him for his patience with me and the desire he had to teach me a glorious lesson in understanding that HE truly is in charge - and that I don't need to question Him. I leaned over to Del and expressed my joy to him. He said he could see it.
It had been painful in moments to question the Lord. But the joy was equal to the pain when I was able to realize that I never have the need to question the Lord again.
We are now members of the new Little Elm Texas Stake.
.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment