A Light Dusting on the Temple Bags

These are mine and Del's temple bags.
They sit on the floor near our bench at the back door to the garage.  We leave them there so we are able to just pick them up on our way out the door on our way to the temple.
If you look closely, you can see the accumulated dust on the top of each bag. 
It has been 6 months since we've been to the temple.
Of all the things that have affected me most deeply during this pandemic and following quarantine,  has been the fact that I have not been able to attend the temple.  They have been closed.
I have felt a little lost; a little lonely; a little disconnected from such deep spiritual instruction that is only accessible in the temple.  Yes, my scripture study and my prayers and my studies of other writings has helped to fill the void of most of that spiritual loss, but there are some experiences and teachings that can only be received by attending the temple.  It's those that I have been longing for.  Those that I am needing right now.
Some temples have been moved to Phase 2, where they are able to perform LIVING ordinances - marriages etc.  But not very many.  It still looks months off before we will be able to attend the temple again.  That is such a sad thought for me.  And it was most recently announced that there will be some additions and changes in some of the temple endowment when we return to our service in the temple.  I'm anxious and interested in seeing what those changes may be. 
The announcement to returning to the temple can't come soon enough for me.  I need the comfort it brings me - I need the teachings and understandings it gives me - I need the reconnection with the covenants I have made.  It's not that any of it is lost - they just feel - hm - dormant.
I just feel temple dormant.
Hmm..new phraseology.

Do You See What I See???

The past 6 months have been rough.
This was happening gradually, but when Elaine took pictures of her hair after her haircut, I thought, 'Okay, her's is WAY more gray than mine is, so I'm still okay.'
Besides, we didn't have anywhere to go and there was no-one to see during quarantine, so we stopped dyeing our hair.
But then Elaine started back to church and took the plunge...dyed her hair again, taking all the grey out.  I still went  another haircut and was still not out in public.
But it was happening little by little. I was noticing mine every day.  More on the left side than on the right side - but still enough 'color' that the grey wasn't dominant.
Yesterday, I got my haircut for the first time since the beginning of May - 10 weeks. At each cut, I saw the color dropping to the floor.  Gulp.
As my stylist began to blow my hair dry, her eyes would get bigger and bigger and by the time she was finished, we both stared in the mirror at my cut and she said, 'Do you see what I see?'  My eyes were HUGE and I replied 'I'm not quite sure when this happened'.
I came home.  Del was in his office and in glancing up, he said a quick 'nice haircut'.  I thanked him and said, 'do you notice anything different?'  He brushed off a quick 'no' and I asked him to go outside with me.  He followed me to the backyard, where I stood out in the sun next to him.  He looked over at me and the quickest 'OH MY GOSH' came out of his mouth.
NOW he noticed.  He was stunned as he said 'When did THAT happen?'  I laughed at him as he ran his fingers through my hair.  I answered, 'Apparently over the past 6 months and today's haircut!!'
He examined my whole head - amazed at the areas that still carried a little of the color and overwhelmed at how sudden it had become obvious. There was no denying it - I went grey.
And we've agreed...I'm going to stay grey.  For now.  We're still not back to church yet.  The only people who will see my grey are family and people at work.  So, I'm staying grey.  Now if my kids give me a hassle, I'll consider going color again.  But I've never been this far grey and to go color, and then grey AGAIN ???  Too many shocks.
Now I match Del.

'I Didn't Know What to Say'

A few weeks ago, I found myself in a conversation with a few friends and collegues, where, after an hour or so, I was left in a situation that I did not know how to respond to a question I was asked . I was so upset, confused, unsettled and intimidated into total silence and bewilderment as to how I was to respond to the question, 'Are you a racist?'
The others in the group of discussion were all at least 20-30 years younger than I was - a complete different generation in my opinion.  In my day, we referred to African Americans as either 'negroes' or African Americans - NEVER as 'a black man' or 'black person'.  That was considered inappropriate.  Official forms, when identifying your race, classified us as caucasion, negro, American Indian or 'other. Today, the classification is white, black, Indian, Asian or other. I'm not quite sure when the changes happened, but it would have been nice to have been informed BEFORE I put my foot  in my mouth and about got myself killed in the hood!!!
And why the discussion??
At the end of May, there was an incident, and yes, I will say a murder, where a white police officer, illegally pinned down a black man with his knee on the mans head and neck, ultimately causing the death of the black man.  And all HELL broke loose.  And I mean it when I say it; ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!  And it has been World War 3 ever since -
I have never thought of myself as racist - although I was raised in a generation that many many people were.  I didn't feel that black people were inferior to white people, but I don't think I felt that they were oppressed either.  I knew and understood about slavery, but felt that had all been dealt with and resolved back in the day of Martin Luther King.  I didn't understand the concept of racism being passed down through the generations to our current people, but as something 'of the past'.  I had no idea the current thinking of the black race and how they feel nothing has changed over the years.  I have black friends.  I know good black people.  I respect them and love them for the good they have been able to do with their lives.  But I had no idea that made me a racist in their eyes.
'Black Lives Matter' is the chant that I am forced to acknowledge.  I don't understand that, because in MY mind, the response to that is 'All Lives Matter' in the eyes of God.  I'm told that's racist, because until Black Lives really DO matter to everyone equally, ALL lives can't matter.  What??  I don't understand.  So what about others oppressed, bullied or persecuted - the Jews? The handicapped?  The poor?  Someone said 'But I don't see color when I see black people.'  Racist.  The answer is supposed to be - 'I DO see your color as black and I honor and admire and love you the same'.
HELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE TO ANYONE!!
I'm told who I'm supposed to love, and how is the correct way to love them.
I don't dare speak for fear of offending someone, if not everyone.
I'm a member of the church that was the most discriminating of blacks in all the world and so am assumed to be racist.
Because I support police offers or BLUE LIVES MATTER, I hate blacks and I'm racist.
The past 2 months have been filled with hate, violence, crime, murders, looting, tearing down of American statues and flags - the destroying of the America I was raised in because it doesn't honor the oppression of the black people during that time.
It's as if they are wanting to completely remove the past 200 years and more, of American History and pretend it didn't happen.  Instead of "LEARNING from the past and not allowing it to happen anymore - destroy every memory we've ever had of what they call, 'white priveledge' and the Declaration Of Independence and all things patriotic, established by a 'bunch of old white priveledged men'.
I don't know what country I live in anymore.  I'm told that by allowing our government to dictate our actions and responses to this Covid 19 virus, that I have been duped into having my freedoms taken away. That I'm allowing the government leaders to say how we will live our lives in the future as far as our kids going to school, being able to attend church, continuing to wear masks out in public, social distancing ourselves and so forth and so forth.  I have just felt that I'm being obedient to what I've been asked to do...but am I supposed to be fighting something or someone over the loss of some of my freedoms??  I've been trying to follow the directive of the prophet and the priesthood brethren.  But I only see them complying also to mandates of the country, with caution to not allowing our religious freedoms to be threatened. 
I will be honest.  I am content to stay home - be in my home for quarantine - worship with my family until allowed otherwise.  I'm content not socializing - I've become quite an introvert over the past 10 years and I have no issues staying within the security and peace of my own refuge. I do miss church with fellow members in the sense of unity, not socializing, and I miss the temple terribly.  But the rest?  I'm good.
I can't handle the news anymore as each day brings a new statistic of Covid 19 and the Black Lives Matter movement.  In discussion with Elaine, I felt just as she described to me one day - like' a black cloud just follows us from place to place raining down doom and gloom wherever we go.'  I hate feeling lost.  I hate feeling fear.  I hate questioning my motives for thoughts and actions.  Yes, I understand all the concepts of the gospel of 'being prepared allows us not to fear' and ALL the other cliche's that are shared on facebook and the internet. 
But I want to know...when did my youth and upbringing change to what I  no longer recognize?
And why didn't our new generation educate us as to the correct referencing of fellow human beings so that we would not be thought of as ignorant, rude or...racists!!!
I would have done it for you...

Greg Dyer

When we moved to Texas 20 years ago, we were in the Frisco First Ward, of which we loved.  Frisco was an up and coming/growing area and over the years that we lived there, it went from 3 Frisco Wards, to there are now 10 and the stake divided 3 times.
One of the very first people we met were Angie and Greg Dyer.  Cute couple - Angie was from down in Vidor where my Uncle Bernie and his family live, so she knew what family I came from.  She would go down to visit often, and so would keep me informed as to their comings and goings.
Being in the same ward for years, there were MANY ward activities and outside of church activities that we would do with the Dyers.  Kylie and Kathryn babysat their little girls and many of us ward members formed a group of us that did tons of fun things together.
Angie is a realtor, and so the 4 times that we moved into rental homes, Angie was the one we would drag around from house to house until we found what we wanted.  She was so good to us.  When the Dyers moved out of the ward, they stayed in our stake, but we didn't see them AS often, but still enough that remained dear friends.
When we were ready to finally buy our First Texas Home, I called Angie.
Greg was in the stake as the Executive secretary to the Stake President - he was also our Pest Control man and had his own business.  We saw him every three months when he came to spray.
Greg was also in the DMCO choir - so I saw and visited with him every week both before and after practice.
And they were like this with almost everyone they knew.  That's just who Greg and Angie Dyer are.
Greg died 3 weeks ago - in a motorcycle accident.
Shock - denial - I still cannot wrap my head around it. None of us can.  The motorcycle was new to him and apparently, on his way to Colorado,  he lost control of the bike, flipping the bike into oncoming traffic and an SUV hit him, killing him at the scene.  The police were only able to go into his phone to the last phone call he had made, which happened to be President Platt, the Stake President.  So President Platt had to go and tell Angie.
They have three daughters - Susanna had just started her mission in May, and the other two, twins, were living locally.  But they have left the church, are struggling in life and had been a great concern to Greg and Angie.
Broken hearts all the way around.  Not being able to mourn with Angie has been the most difficult as the Covid 19  has kept social distancing the law.  We couldn't go to the funeral because it was down in Vidor and for family only because of Covid 19.  Angie is a mess.  I sent her a text last night asking her if she is ok.  Of course she's not Okay - she's a mess. She struggles to even get out of bed some days.
Hundreds - literally hundreds have reached out to Angie and the girls.  Greg's influence spread wide and far.  They are loved by so many.
This has been very difficult for me.  I hate not being able to understand this loss.  I have faith and understand the plan.  But this loss is rough for me.  I guess it's because it is combined with all the uncertainty  and conflicts going on throughout the world right now.  NOTHING is as it should be.  The world is currently turned upside down - and so to have Greg pass at this time, only adds to the millions of questions that are already out there.
And to not have access to Angie like we normally would, we have to try and comfort her through phone calls, texts and prayers.
I just need to hug her - and have a chance to say goodbye to Greg.

Father's Day

It never gets celebrated quite like Mother's Day does, but Father's Day still celebrates some of the most important people to me.  I love these good men.  I love the way they live their lives, love their children and their wives.  I love the hard work they do to provide for their sweet families.  I love how they try to live the gospel - honor their priesthood and improve their lives.
Good Men

I'm Back in Scrubs!!

I figured if I went back to work, I could help Del get us out of debt by the end of Spring next year instead of in 2 years...
So, I'm back in the dental field - again.
THIS time though, I'm determined to not give up like I did last time.  I work with Kathryn for a Dr Chen at West Prosper Family Dental - it's only 20 minutes away, instead of an hour - and it's only three days a week instead of 4.  I've worked one week already and really enjoyed being back in the saddle, per say.  I love the dental field.  This time, my responsibilities won't be as heavy and significant as my last office.  Not so much pressure, hardly any Spanish, lighter days - and working with Kathryn.
We really are peas in a pod...

SHHHH..It's a Secret

My baby is having a baby...
I can't really add anymore to this, until she announces it officially.
But it has already been very emotional and eventful - exactly like we knew her pregnancy would be!!

If I Have to Quarantine....6650 Blackjack Oaks Rd Is the Place For Me

Today is actually July 20th.
I've been catching up on my blogging for the past three months.
But we are still in quarantine.
No church, no temple, no friends homes, no anything except groceries, gas station and the grandkids houses.
So I am quarantined to 6650 Blackjack Oaks Rd.
And I'm content.
I took these pictures over the past few weeks of some areas on our land.  They are simple things - but they bring me so much joy and peace.  Yes, Del is going to be building a tree house for the grandchildren.  The snake he found, was with the help of one of the grandchildren, but it came from exploring our back forest.  The wild flowers come up every year, right at the back of our garden, along the fence to the creek.  They are beautiful and can be seen from my office window facing the backyard.  The beautiful tree with the bright pink blossoms is one of three such trees that blossom every year in the flower bed in the front of our home.  The apple trees, of which one, I call the Tree of Good and Evil, were transplanted this year to the back of the garden, and it too, I can see from my office window.  The creek if full after a rainstorm that replenishes our yard with moisture and nourishment.  And I know the grandkids will LOVE wading through the muddy water when they come over later today.  They will leave wet and filthy dirty, but happy.  Content.
I love where I am.  And if I have to be quarantined, then there is no where else I would rather be.

Rykert and Lilly Come For a Visit

Rykert and Lilly are Ammon's oldest children from his first marriage.  They come and visit Ammon every year in the month of June.  This year, they stayed at our house.  The grandkids would come over at least 1-2 times a week and play with them.  The kids all really got along  well and did tons of fun things. They learned a lot of interesting things interacting with Rykert and his disability .  They had a lot of patience and even FUN, as Rykert really can be quite child like at times.  Neither child wanted to go home at the end of the month.

Girls Night With My Girls

Even though the Night Out was used as a ruse to get me out of the house, I still loved being with my girls.  The plan was to take me out to play and dinner while the men were all home putting in my new double oven in my kitchen!!  A wonderful Mother's Day surprise.
My girls are funny.  Kylie is usually quite fashionable to the best of occasions.  Lexi loves an excuse to get dressed up, because her opportunities are far and few between events.  Kathryn and I love to be comfortable, so we wear comfortable clothes.  When we're all together, we compliment each other in likes and dislikes - we talk both casually and in depth, whichever the mood allows.  We enjoy being together, of which I'm really glad.

Not Sure What's in That Creek Water

Emerson and Evie love to come over to Nana and Papa's house, probably more than anyone else.  They love to explore, play and find things all over the place.  This visit was right after it had rained a heavy rain and there was excess water sitting in the creek.  Emerson wanted to find little fish - and I mean LITTLE fish.  And tadpoles.  Of course, Papa and Jordan were able to figure up some kind of contraption with the rake and screen and some other things that when smack in the middle of the creek, they were able to catch tons of these little fish.  Evie had to strip down to her undies as she didn't want to get her pretty dress wet.  But Em?  Just put some of Papa's rain boots on and he was ready to wade into anything, no matter how deep it was or what he may find.
They had a blast.  Must have played for over an hour or so.  Simple things.

Memes of The Quarantine

April 2020 General Conference -

Back in the October 2019 Sessions of General Conference, President Nelson asked us to make certain preparations for the following General Conference, which would be a celebration of the Restoration of the Church - focusing specifically on the First Vision and the Coming of the Book of Mormon. Then during the following months, the prophet asked us to study diligently, the experiences of Joseph Smith and the First Vision and the Restoration of the Gospel.
Months were spent reading and re-reading the accounts of the first vision.  I tried hard to understand what the Lord was wanting me to understand.  We were asked to fast and pray about the truthfulness of the events shared by Joseph Smith, and I took that challenge seriously.  We were asked to fast as a church, and then as a nation, for the healing of the Covid 19 virus, pleading for the Lord to remove it from the earth. 
April General Conference, President Nelson presented to the members of the church and to the world, the new proclamation of the Restoration of the Gospel and the accounts of the First Vision.  There is no longer any mincing of words as to the truthfulness of the gospel and the announcement that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the ONLY true and living church on the face of the earth.  And the proclamation is intense.  It is poignant - it is bold - and it is TRUE.
There was also the presenting of the new LOGO for the church.  Whereas it was the symbol of the Angel Moroni with his trumpet before, it is now a statue of the Savior Jesus Christ with the official name of the church underneath it. Something that was comical about that change is - currently the Salt Lake Temple is being refurbished and in that process, the workers were working on the Moroni statue and accidentally broke it, where the trumpet had fallen out of Moroni's hand.  Someone came up with the following meme which brought some much needed humor to members of the church.

General Conference was also the week of Easter and the Passover.  Much thought and comments were given to the life given of our Savior and for the crisis of the virus currently throughout the world.  I found the following quote to be quite profound.

General Conference had a completely different format - not held in the Conference Center and no members were allowed to attend.  It will be remembered for years to come, as will the rest of the events over the past 2 months.
There were eight new temples announced also.  The ones of significance were in Shanghai China, the first in the Republic of China...and then Dubai India.  Both of these temples are being announced after invitation from those countries to have temples there.  THEY invited US to have temples there.  Epic events.
The Church is true.  I miss the socializing with members - the feeling of unity with ward members as we've not been together for 7 weeks.  But the principles and doctrines of the church remain the same.  We are sustained by living prophets and scriptures.  We are sustained by our Savior and our Father who hears and answers our prayers.
This is just for a short time. But there has been much to learn during these past months that will be of significant strength to us in the coming months and years.
I don't want to ever go back to what we understood to be our normal.
I want a new normal to consist of what we have learned from the experience - eliminating the unnecessary and busyness of our lives - and living basically with needs and desires to be better people, better ministers, better servants - better parents, families children of God.
That will be MY new normal.

Testosterone Levels Are High

You wonder, when you have children, if when they grow up, they will carry characteristics and traits of one or both of their parents. I have always thought that two of my children looked like me - Michael and Kathryn.  And that Jordan and Kylie looked more like Del.  But there have  been a few times when I have posted my engagement picture or pictures of my first 5 years married, that MANY have said that Kylie looks like me.  She does.
But Jordan remains his father's son.
Over the past few years and especially with Del's facial hair, I see a few more similarities in their mannerisms and expressions.  They are currently working together on a few business projects and I find it interesting to see how they interact - how they play off each others strengths and weaknesses.  How they each contribute to conversations - their patience level with irritations, differences or lack of understanding. How they tackle home projects together - how they respect each other.
How they love each other.
You know, it wasn't always there.
Del was hard on Jordan.  Or I should say, he expected a LOT from Jordan as a son.  Even perfection.  Jordan, more often than not, did not meet Del's expectations.  Not many people did.  It's one of the hardest things about being in Del's life.  But as Jordan has grown into an adult and had a family of his own, he has come into his own worth.  He's more confident and knows and understands who he is and what he has to contribute in life and to other people.  And in the same sense, Del has realized that there was only one perfect person on this earth and he has started to give the rest of us a break.  Now Del interacts with all of us a little differently, making it much easier for love to flow more freely between parent and child.
And both of my son in laws have lost their fathers so Del has been able to slip into the role of father for them fairly easily too.  It's been nice to see the level of love and respect they all have for the patriarch of our home.