May

 I have always loved the month of May.

Both of my parents birthday's are in May.  It's Mother's Day.  Spring is coming to a close and the touches of summer come.  The garden is planted and the results of some hard days of planting garden and flowers are in full bloom.  I've always loved the month of May.

Until now. The tulip blossoms have all come to their end.  The pansies are on their last leg - and I don't think much of our garden is going to survive.  With issues of the soil/mulch and the heat, it looks like our green beans are not going to survive - they look so sad.  I'm so sad.  I can't believe how this is affecting me.  Such hard work - such giving of time and love - I'm feeling betrayed.

To top it off, Mother's Day fell on the day of daddy's death this year.  It was hard for my mother - for me - and for my siblings.  The day became more of a day of rememberance of my day instead of anything else.  Not that it was painful, but just loss.

Which of course, brings to thought that one week later, this Sunday, will be one year since Rachel's passing too.  But I can't handle that right now.  I'll think of that when it comes.  Sad thing is ... it will come.

I do find joy in my watching of Peyton every day though.  She turned 15 months the other day.  Do you realize that's just 3 month from going into nursery at church!!??  She's getting so big.  Loves to play outside in the water - but is falling down, running into and bonking her head a LOT.  Just this morning, she turned around right into the corner of our bathroom door.  Smack.  One day soon I will do a post just on her - download all the recent pictures of her comings and goings.  

And Young Womens.  I'm loving it now.  I've fallen in love with the girls and their lives.  They are such good girls.  We've had some great lessons together and some even better activities.  Once again, I'm going to have to do a post, with pictures, all about Young Womens.

Kylie and Mike put their house on the market today with plans of moving next month.  Makes it a little more real now.  Our family continues with struggles  between some of the siblings.  Makes me sad.  So sad.  But I can't make it better until hearts are softened and much forgiveness is asked for and given.  We are supposed to have family pictures taken in a few weeks - hope we can at least fake it for the camera.  Hoping for an 'Academy Awards' moment.