Conclusion to My Sabbath Day

About ten minutes after I finished writing the last blog post, my sister Rachel and her family showed up at dad and mom's house on their way to go see daddy.  They brought dinner in from the car and asked a few questions about daddy that they didn't want their kids to hear.  So while the kids sat in the car, I gave them a quick update on the previous few days and the information we had learned Friday from Mike, the physical therapist.  They were surprised about a few of the things I shared, but mostly were accepting of the news I gave them.  Because they would be eating dinner with us all later, we did a few preparations before getting in the car and going over to the Care facility.
I love Rachel's kids.  They have always been some of my favorites as I did a lot of babysitting for them and so did my girls.  We laughed and joked all the way over to where daddy was, but then I kind of warned them of what they would be seeing in grandpa, so they wouldn't be scared or surprised.  When we got there, my nephew Jacob was there and had just experienced a very tender meeting with my daddy so there were tears already.  My sister Jennifer was there and had also had a good moment with my daddy.  I went over quickly to say hi to daddy and he gave me a smile and said my name before I left the rest of the time for Rachel and her family to say their hello's.  Rachelle, their oldest daughter, had not seen daddy since his accident, so she was a little set back on her heels and cried a little.  The rest of the children, along with Rachel and Mike, all spent some wonderful time talking with daddy and having him involved in some great conversation.  It was sweet to see each of the grandchildren love their grandpa so much.  Rebecca, Lance and Austin arrived just a few minutes after I did, so they also visited with daddy before we all decided we would go into the large gathering area of the center and have a special FHE and sing around the piano.
It was there, we all experienced a very special spiritual experience.  As we sang some of the hymns, daddy would start to cry and would look around the room at each of us, especially his daughters.  Rachel and Rebecca were standing right behind daddy's wheel chair while Jen, Elaine and I were sitting off in the back on a separate sofa.  The harmonizing during each hymn was beautiful but daddy was still only listening.  he did attempt to mouth the words to several of the songs, but nothing really more than that...until Rebecca said she was going to sing the tenor part to one of daddy's favorite hymns, but she would need help with the part. She didn't, of course, but knew it would encourage him to sing.  And he did.  Mom motioned to each of three sitting further away to come over and stand by daddy, singing right behind him so he could hear us all...and he sang his tenor part with us.
He sang.  And the tears flowed.  It was such a tender moment.  Our daddy was singing.  To those who have never heard my daddy sing, you cannot understand the moment that was for us, his daughters.  It was eternal....and celestial.  A moment that I will not soon forget.
But I was also touched by the spirit with the confirmation, that daddy's time will not be long here upon the earth.  He will leave us, sooner rather than later.  But I was also comforted by that same spirit to know, that it will be okay.
Daddy's life is completed.  He has done all he could possibly do and he is truly ready to pass to the next life. I don't want him to suffer.  I don't want him to be in pain.  And I don't want him to have to stay any longer on this earth for someone Else's benefit.  Let him leave in peace.  And soon.
I left shortly after the last hymn was sung and Jen gave me a ride home to mom's home, where Rachel's family joined me and helped me get dinner ready for when mom and Elaine would get home.  We all enjoyed a great dinner, joined also by my brother Von and his wife Ann, who stopped by to get an  update on daddy.
Now, Rachel's family has gone home, Von and Ann left, and I am over here at Becca's house with mom, Elaine and Becca.  While they are watching the newest episode of a show called 'Downtown Abbey', I am sharing this blog post, not wanting to forget the special feelings from this afternoon/evenings events.  My brother Mark will be arriving this coming Wednesday, the same day Elaine will be flying home.  Depending on whether or not I get the job I just interviewed for, I will most likely be flying home Friday, just as my other brother Phil will be arriving.  If I DON'T get the job, I may actually stay another week.  But I just don't know yet.
I'm tired now.  Content, but tired.  Daddy whispered to Elaine as she left tonight, that 'it had been a really great afternoon/evening for him'.  I am so glad there were so many of us there to show him how much he is loved.  It made for a beautiful experience for all of us there.

Staying Focused

It's been a little , shall we say, stressful? the past few days making some adjustments in the being here in Utah.  I'm here for several reasons...One, first and foremost, to visit my daddy and mother...next, to visit some friends and family up here, and lastly, to enjoy some personal time before I go back to work and my family in Texas.
I have not wanted to be my daddy's nurse, and I have made that very clear from the very beginning.  I have wanted to watch his care and progress, see his situation and get first hand information for myself, and then also to help take care of the needs for my mother.  I have left the nursing duties and details to those who enjoy doing that part and I have taken it upon my self to have dinner made and ready for those coming home from the care facility to enjoy instead of having to eat out.  I like to go spend the morning with my daddy, but I can't stay there all day.  There is no need for me to sit there 'watching' him.  My mom having a hot meal to eat when she comes home is more fulfilling to me.
I have never been the serious one in the family.  I enjoy humor...I love to laugh, I love to make people laugh, and I like to handle stressful situations with humor.  But not all people do.  So, my attempt at a humorous email giving family members an update on my daddy, did not go over well with a few.  I was apparently, not giving the situation enough dignity.  Yes, I was stung by the disapproval at first, until I realized, I am who I am, and I am a good person.  I will not apologize for being who I am.  So those who disapprove will just have to have to get their information from someone else because I will not change how I see and enjoy my life.  I can't and won't let their opinions matter to me.  I can and know when to be somber and dignified.  They are not always in the same moments as others may think they need to be, but they are there when necessary. Hence, my nasty mood yesterday.  I am re-focused now on what is important...and others opinions is not one of them.
I'm getting a cold.  Last night it was yucky during the night, so I tanked up on some cold meds to get me through, but it also had me sleeping until 9:30 this morning.  I can't go see daddy with a cold as he will be susceptible to any virus and that is the last thing he needs.  So I am staying away from his place today until I start to feel better.  Elaine and mother went in to see him and Elaine mentioned a few hours later that daddy's room had been changed.  When I asked why, it was because daddy had been found early this morning on the floor of his room.  Obviously, he is NOT understanding the mandate that he is not supposed to get up by himself without the assistance of a nurse.  And he can't afford to fall at this point.  So they put him closer to the nurses station where he will be more 'compelled' to be obedient.  Elaine has branded today one of daddy's 'bad days' - nothing he says make sense, he's aggravated, confused and disoriented.  I'm glad I'm not seeing him in this state.  I would cry, and I don't want to cry.
So I am here at mom's house, going to get dinner going shortly and taking some time to write some letters and notes to people in Texas.
Until Later...

In Utah to See My Daddy

Today is Saturday, the 9th of February and I have been in Utah since Thursday early afternoon  I had to get up at 4:00 a.m. and out the door by 4:30, but Del got me to the airport in plenty of time.
I was able to fly free, compliments of Del's counselor Brother Peterson, who works at Southwest.  He gave me some free flights passes, which required the early departure and then being on standby flights.  But it was right in our price range....free.  I arrived at 5:30 where Becca was waiting to pick me up and bring me right to the Care Facility where daddy is staying.  He recognized me immediately and smiled, cried and embraced my face.  He said my name several times.  It was sweet.
I am...let's see.  I am disappointed that he is not as good as I thought he would be.  The pictures and videos that I had seen were slightly deceiving.  He is not nearly as progressive and well as they portrayed.  He hardly speaks, if at all...although, what he did say and how much he has said since I have been here has been more than in the past, so I am pleased I am getting the best of that.
I am not wanting to be a 'care taker'.  I prefer to let others take care of all the medical attention daddy is needing while I tend to just being his daughter.  I am having a hard time with the little bit of dignity my father has left...having been reduced to being called 'Von' by kids in their 20's because he is a patient.  I so badly have wanted to say, 'Excuse me, that is BROTHER Packard to you squirt'.  But I know they are just doing their job with a patient just like all the others.
There have also been a few frustrations and some anxiety being expressed by several of us...mostly because of the difference in the way each of us is handling daddy's care.  I'm feeling there are too many opinions and power struggles where there may be some who feel I am too casual and frivilous over the situation.  I just hate drama...I think too much is made of too many things...too dramatic.
Uh oh...I can tell I'm getting...ugly.  I'm wanting to go home I think...let others just do what they feel is best to do cause I just don't agree with some of the thoughts and or feelings of the others.  I'm going to just step back for awhile.
Anyways...some pictures of my daddy.

My cousin Lisa, whom I haven't seen in probably 30 years?

Tiffany giving daddy's room a 'heart attack'.

The process of these next three pictures took almost 45 minutes

Captured Moments

I've been able to go over to Kylie's quite a few times over the past week or more to help her with the kids and some difficult days.  I've been able to watch these two adorable children and how Preston interacts with his new little sister.
Kylie took these two pictures the other day.  She captured some really sweet moments between the two and it just warms my heart that she shared these moments in photo with the rest of us.

And my brother Paul was able to go up and visit my daddy for a few days this past week.  And Elaine is up there right now.

We've had visitors for almost a week.  Lon and Loraine have been on a road trip and finally came to Texas for the first time ever...and we have tried to take them to 'Texas' places over the past few days...the temple, the DAM Store, SouthFork ranch and several horse ranches.  I think they have had a good time and they have certainly been great to have around.  Lon has taken a lot of time to help Del with ideas and projects for the yard as Lon is a professional landscaper.  Del is pretty excited now to get started on the planting of our garden and now, a citrus grove...hm.  We bought our first lemon tree.

Additional 'Thoughts' I Want to Remember

Madison's Blessing Day - Feb 3, 2013

AND...of course, it was the Super Bowl.  Ravens vs 49rs'
Brothers Jim and John Harbaugh.
The Raven's win...with Dennis Pitta (BYU) scoring a touchdown.

Happenings

Day by day, my daddy is starting to regain some of his strength.   But they have since taken him to a care facility where the physical therapist works with him every day with his legs, arms, hands and eating.  He's not talking very much and he is still not eating enough, but they are being very hopeful that he will continue to improve.  Still trying to decide when I am going to be able to go and see him.

This is Kylie's arm..in the ER on Thursday night.  Appears she started to hemorrhage  and lost a lot of blood.  This went on for two days and even a little more today until we were able to get her a prescription.  She's had severe cramping and just a lot of post delivery complications, but hopefully, it is starting to get better.  I spent time with her Thursday and Friday, Kathryn helped both days also and Mike has been with her today.  It has had us all a little worried with this weekend being Madison's blessing and all.

So Wednesday, after I found out I didn't get the job at the bank, I started the job hunting process again, getting on line and looking at craiglist for the city of Aubrey.  Sure enough, just that day, another listing for a job at Mustang SUD - a utility company business, looking for a receptionist etc.  I printed off the application form, filled it out and faxed it in bright and early Thursday morning.  I also sent my resume via email and that afternoon, they called me, scheduling an interview for next Tuesday in the morning.
Fingers crossed again, hoping things will be encouraging on another job opportunity.
Just don't know what is supposed to work out and what isn't...if I am supposed to wait for the ENT dr's office job or if I should be getting something else in the meantime.
Putting total faith and trust in the Lord that whatever is supposed to happen, will happen.  But I have to continue to do my part in making something happen.
So, another interview is scheduled.