I Haven't Always Seen Things Clearly

As is with most things when growing older, I tend to not see things quite the same way I used to when I was young and 'I knew it all'. In fact, the older I get, the more I realize the less I knew when I thought 'I knew it all'. And now, at age 51, I basically realize...I know nothing at all.
I have a lot of experience in a lot of things, but not quite sure I've really LEARNED anything from any of those experiences. If I had, I'm quite sure I would be brilliant in a LOT of things...but, as it is, I'm quite a.... dimwit.
Just like most 16 year olds, I too 'knew it all'...and knew even more at age 18 when I went off to college. With as much as 'I knew', I'm still stunned that I was required to attend the summer session at BYU as a 'probationary semester' due to my low ACT score of...18!!!! So, I wasn't 'academically' inclined, but I DID KNOW EVERYTHING else there was to know in life. I was 'street smart', as they would say today. baha...
My mission did help me see SOME things a little more clearly but I returned home from that experience still a little too damaged to see a true picture of how things were going to be in the future.
After a severely damaged heart and what appeared to be a 'no hope of a happy future happening for me' experience, I met Del. My broken heart was not completely healed at the time, but Del was the one that was finally allowing me to remove my protective sunglasses so that I could actually see that I COULD have a happy life in my future. And so I tossed the sunglasses that I had been wearing to blacken out my world for over a year, and threw myself into a trusting and loving relationship with a great guy.
That was almost 30 years ago. Don't get me wrong...any of you who have been married for any length of time know that our vision and look in life become dark and blackened many times over years when we experience despair, pain and trials, loss, hurt and confusion...and we quickly reach for our protective sunglasses, keeping us from seeing the bright future that is just on the other side of tomorrow.
It's during these darkened moments that I have not always seen my life clearly. I have not always appreciated the light that I have in my life, in the way of a husband, the gospel, my children, family and friends...I have not always seen clearly the joys right in front of my eyes, covered with 'sunglasses'.
The sunglasses were once again removed from my eyes this weekend. I have been given the opportunity to see things a little more clearly...to see the 'other side of tomorrow'. I have been able to see Del the way that others see Del. After 29 years, I have become very accustomed to Del...very 'comfortable' with Del...I'm 'used to him'. Some would say that that is a very dangerous time in marriage, when we no longer see or appreciate our spouses the way we used to in our earlier years. I would tend to agree with them as I have recently recognized the many times I have taken Del for granted....I have not always appreciated him for his contributions and role he plays in my life and the lives of my children. I have not been seeing him in recent years the way he is seen in the eyes of others. Sunglasses have been blocking my vision.
But things appear a little more clearly today. And the glare is blinding.
Del is a pretty great guy...still pretty 'hot' for a 54 yr old Idaho farmer boy who's been losing his hair, getting an extra love handle for the first time in 30 years, but can still turn plenty a head in his Wrangler jeans and cowboy boots. He still has all of his teeth, more hair on his chest and back than on his head, can sing a pretty nice love song and when he walks by me with only his sweat pants on, bare feet and chest and gives me the half cocked eye and sly grin...I'm a 'gonner'. Anyone mentions that last paragraph to him and he'll kill me...so please...our secret.
I've ALWAYS seen clearly the 'physical' Del. What has become more clear and precious to me is the Del 'others' see...the spiritual giant that leads our home..the patriarch of our home...the man that lives by the spirit every moment of his life...the man that lives his life in a way that allows the spirit to direct him in his path in life.
The man I married 29 years ago was already on his spiritual path, but the man I am married to now has traveled much of the path and is seeing his path nearing an end. He sees his choices and decisions clearly...he is precise in his living of the commandments...he is obedient.
This is what others see in Del Lott. And these past few days, I have been blessed to see the outpouring of love and respect shown Del in acts of concern, love and thoughts and prayers. He is admired and honored by others. I haven't always seen Del in this way, but I am now seeing him as he is...
I am seeing him clearly as a man of God.