A Fearful Sunday

Days like today cause me to fear for Del.
He's in pain today - physical - his MS.
Plus, he is extremely tired - drained - exhausted.
It happens when he overdoes the day before. It can be simple yard work, helping someone move, working the horse...it all takes it's toll on him. Then, in the evening, his body becomes so weary that he thinks he can sleep. But he can't. He's usually up most of the night in pain...deep into his muscles and bones and usually very intense. It's the kind of pain that can't be reached or touched, it's so deep. So he doesn't sleep.
But because it's Sunday, he showers and dresses for the Sabbath. It wouldn't even cross his mind to stay home and try to rest but I notice him struggle to stay focused in Sacrament meeting as he deals with the discomfort. But for him, there's no option but to put on his face of service as he gives the closing prayer and then teaches his Sunday School class.
Once home though, he retreats to our bedroom where he lays down, trying not to crinkle is Sunday suit. He looks dead to me as he quickly falls asleep.
I watch him for a few minutes, grateful that the pain appears to subside enough to allow his weary body to relax. I notice him holding his left hand and arm - that's the side that gives him the most discomfort. Even in his sleep he is trying to relieve the pain.
I fell asleep quickly after Del did but awakened to his moans and groans an hour later as he tried to reposition himself. He fell back to sleep but I couldn't, so came out to make dinner.
This happens at least 2-3 times a month. And there are 'episodes' that are much worse than this one. There have been a few times that I wondered if Del would actually wake up the next morning. But he always has, so far.
But there will come the day that 'it' will finally take him. Whether it's the MS or the side affects from the MS, he will succumb to it one day. I just hate that he suffers in the meantime - every day - intense pain. I could not do it.
But I'm not Del. For him, there is no option but to endure it...and endure it well.
Like I said, I could not do it.