Little things have been happening for the past, hmm... just over four months. Every day, just little glitches in the flow of the day - mood swings - bumps in the road, stumbling blocks and just every day living. I can handle most everything as it happens and especially over the past 2 years, I have tried to handle things quickly and as pain free as possible. I've done a fairly good job. I've been pretty laid back, with only an occasional 'whopper' that has set me back on my heels a few times....usually the 'whopper' being Kathryn.
But it's catching up with me. I'm feeling the tightness in my chest, my headaches are coming back and I have a continual churning in my stomach. I'm pretty sure it's an ulcer. It's all starting to add up and has been building to what I feel is going to be a crescendo tidal wave any moment.
I'm dropping to my knees a little more quickly and my prayers are slowly changing from 'pretty please' prayers to PLEADING prayers of desperation.
I get an occasional reprieve from these emotions...General Conference came with a renewed sense of strength that has sustained me for the past four weeks. But the closer we get to school ending and the next stage of life presenting itself, I'm feeling the anxiety of it all.
Graduation... tuition and housing costs...medical bills...trips to take...working full time...trying to make too many people happy...wanting to have spare time to enjoy a few things I'm missing...trying to not get sick while everyone around me is...wishing I were somewhere else most of the day...trying to be the BEST wife, the BEST mother, the BEST friend and the BEST employee and falling short in all the above categories.
Cup is half full...
Needing something - some opportunity to get it refilled. Until that opportunity presents itself, I will continue with my 'pleading prayers' and nightly dose of Book of Mormon. Hopefully 'those' small drops of 'oil' will at least help me keep my 'lamp' filled and my spirit light.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment