She's Being Called Home = Rachel Part 1

 

My sweet sister Rachel.

I was stunned when Rebecca called me the week before Thanksgiving to find out that our sister Rachel, had just found out she had breast cancer.  We sobbed.  We just couldn't believe it.  On top of that, it was cancer in both breasts and then she also had some type of lesions in her liver.  Since it was just the beginning of testing and getting results, there were still sooo many unanswered questions and talks of how bad it was?  Was it only in the breasts?  What was it in the liver?  Would she need chemo and radiation?  Was it life threatening?  Why was Rachel feeling so bad so quickly?  Why was the doctor actually saying she only had 6 months to live?  SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!

The first week with the info was horrible.  More tests- waiting for results.  More tests - reveals something new or different.  More tests - need another opinion.  More tests - results confirmed.  Each step was agonizing. There was a point that Rachel did not feel confident enough in her first doctor, so requested to go to the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake, where they really got on top of things and got some answers for her.  But some of the answers were not what we really wanted to hear.  Yes, she has bi-lateral breast cancer, but it was no longer the main concern they had for Rachel.  It was now the liver and another mysterious source of cancer, of which they STILL have not been able to identify.  But the liver was filled with cancerous tumors.  Her stomach was terribly bloated from the tumors and she was getting sicker and in so much pain.  They wanted her to do chemo and radiation as soon as she could start.  She didn't want to.  That process became quite the ordeal.  They were trying to weigh side affects with advantages of taking the chemo and meds - but it came to prove that it would really only increase her life expectancy 2 years or so with side affects being terrible.  Rachel just didn't want to. 

Side Note.  I have to say at this time, that I literally have 100's of pictures of Rachel now and these past 6 months.  I don't even know what to include and what not to put in - so I will insert the most relevant pictures I feel will give the story of her past 5 months. You'll just have to believe there are hundreds more of the details.

The rest of the month of November, Rachel and Mike went to Oregon to spend some days with their son Eric and explain what was happening.  The trip was difficult for Rachel, as was really any movement at all for her.  When they returned, they had another trip to Mexico planned for the holidays with JD and his family.  Before they were to leave though, Rachel had some more important testing done to help them decide what procedures were going to happen going forward.  The main concerns were the pain Rachel was in and the bloating and growing of the liver because of the cancer.  It was amazing to me that the topic of breast cancer was hardly mentioned again as the doctors were certain it was THAT cancer that was never going to cause her death; it was the liver and the hidden source of cancer. So during her trip, the pain increased and the bloating got so bad, that Mike flew Rachel home and took her immediately to the hospital, hoping to get her admitted for some treatment.  But nothing quite worked that way.

The following weeks were when it was decided that Rachel would try three rounds of chemo, as a favor to Mike and her family.  She promised to at least try it and see if it would help in any way.  She was sure it would not - only because, as were to find out later, she had already received a spiritual witness that it would not, and that she would actually be dying from this cancer.  She did not share that until weeks later.  But to help pacify her family, she decided to give the appearance of an attempt.  During this time, it was also decided that Rachel was going to be in need of caretakers to help her during this difficult time.  It was decided that Elaine, Becca and I, along with our cousin Ruth, would take turns being caretaker, for two week spurts.  Elaine would be the first, as she was the only one of us that could go immediately without anything holding her to home.  I was going next, which would put me from January 13-21st.  Becca would follow me, and then Ruth.  Then we would start the cycle again. It was at this time that because of this new situation, and the fact that Kathryn was due to deliver in a little over a month and was having terrible kidney stones, Del and I felt it best for me to quit my job to allow myself the freedom to come and go at ease wherever I was needed at the time.

Elaine went up shortly after the New Year.  Becca, Elaine and I formed quite the alliance that we would be able to share ALL information, ALL emotions, fears and anxieties , ALL things pertaining to Rachel and ourselves between each other without any fear of judgment or questions.  We could cry, rejoice, and express anything without having to explain the why's.  We were the closest to each other and we could trust each other that we were safe to feel, think and say anything between us.  I relied on them heavily during the next few months, as I continue to, to this day.

Elaine's main task was all things medical.  She helped Mike get all of the medicines in order and tried to get dosages, when to take them and all things organized to get optimum results.  It was very difficult to figure out for the doctors what worked and what wasn't working.  Elaine was taking Rachel back and forth to appointments, listening carefully to doctors, and then trying to implement everything back at the house.

It was at this time that Rachel realized that it didn't matter how many treatments of chemo she was willing to try, she was going to lose her hair.  This was very difficult for her.  She had just graduated this past fall from Cosmotology school and had hoped to be a hairstylist and now was needing her own hair removed.  Such a difficult decision for her, so she decided to do it in stages.  She asked a dear friend of hers from school to come and give her the initial haircut.  Elaine was with her.

Oh yes, there were tears, and hugs and then more tears.  Pictures were taken and sent to me and Becca so we could cry too.

And wouldn't you know it?  Her haircut was adorable on her!! Elaine and I were so jealous of how cute her short hair was.  

Knowing she would eventually lose all her hair, I ordered some head/hair scarves for her from all of us sisters.  She wore them with pride....and looked so cute.

This is Rachel at her third chemo treatment.  It was at this time, right before I came, that the doctors informed her that the chemo treatment wasn't really working.  That if she chose to continue it, it may give her an extra 3-6 months to live.  Not really long enough to even be worth it to her.  It was at this time that she decided to not continue any treatment - not chemo and not radiation.

Treatments were exhausting for her.  She slept for hours on end and couldn't really function at a level of allertness that she wanted.  She wanted to be 'present', but just couldn't fight the affects of the meds.  This is how she was when it was my turn to come and be her care taker.