Friday, December 31, 2010

And So it Comes to an End...

Hard to summarize this year.
I guess the famous quote of 'it's been the best of times, it's been the worst of times' is applicable this year.
Most difficult in the area of parenthood and trying to have unconditional love during the hardest of trials. But I have learned the most during those exact same times...patience, tolerance, acceptance, and a deeper insight into the heart and mind of those involved. I hope not to experience again, several of the events of the year....the memory of them will be hard enough to erase from my mind, let alone having to relive them or go through them a second time. Hopefully, once burned, twice shy.
I've learned the most about myself...I've realized that I've not been honest with myself in a lot of the way I live my life. Mostly, I try to portray myself in such a positive light in all areas of my life when in reality, things are not always that rosy...but it's never been okay to show that there have been problems and concerns that I have had to deal with. Always the concern of appearances...
But it IS okay to not always BE okay. It IS okay to not always be happy. It IS okay to struggle with concepts, certain beliefs and certain standards of life. It IS okay to not be 'whole'...to not be perfect...and certainly okay to need something more than what I have.
Hard to understand by others but as long as I understand it and what to try and do about it, that's all I need.
I need to make sure, this coming year, that I take care of MYSELF first so that in turn, I can then turn around and take care of those I really love...and who need me.
So 2010...I bid you farewell. I will not miss 99.9% of your memory....but the .1%, I will cherish and build upon in 2011.
Goodbye...

It's Only Enchanting in the Movies

When I first saw the movie Beauty and the Beast, I remember thinking how wonderfully clever it was to have the furniture, household items and appliances talk and be somewhat human to us, the viewers. Made the movie so much more interesting...
Now though, I think we have gone a little to far in trying to make those wonderful fantasies a reality in my world...
My microwave talks to me, telling me I have to cover my plate before it will re-heat....
My refrigerator talks to me, telling me I need to reset my temperature and close my door all the way....
My dishwasher talks to me telling me I forgot to push a certain button before it will start again...
And my scales talked to me this morning...telling me that 'one of us needed to get off.' OUCH!!!

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Eyes Can See - Now My Ears Have Heard

I was made keenly aware today that my blog is being read by a few new readers who are not accustomed to my, shall we say, 'sense of humor'?????
I'm sarcastic - always have been and always will be...I don't try to be but I guess I use it as a 'self defense' mechanism to protect me from hurt. I usually throw the first punch. My family will tell you that we are the worst when it comes to joking around with each other - jabs, punches, scratched out eyes and humor LACED with sarcasm. Del has been embarrassed for years. But me and the kids??? We thrive on it. My picture perfect life that I portray throughout this blog is obviously a lie - no one, not a single family in this world, is THAT happy. And like most families in this world, there are things I am NOT sharing. 'WHAT MORE COULD THERE BE??' you ask??? Plenty...but most of it left better unsaid.
So, apparently, I need to apologize to my new readers. No, I do NOT intentionally make EVERY day April Fool's Day - Yes, I DO like to make my kids laugh and most usually AT THEIR EXPENSE. But do not be deceived....they can dish it just as well as they are dished!!! I have taught them well...But because there are new eyes reading this blog, my ears have heard your concerns and I will TRY to tone down the sarcasm. BORING....!!! And the first time I am told to quit being 'fake', I am going right back to 'dishing' the dirt of my family.
So, right up front - NO, I do NOT love and adore my husband and children as has been mentioned in here before...in fact, there are days I can barely tolerate them. None of them are being translated any day soon. But of course, I am here in Texas for one reason and one reason only - to get used to the heat so that when I go to hell, I'm not shocked by the weather.
So, interpret my blog as honest OR sarcastic; only each of you can decide for yourselves. Most of you won't care...but for the one who insists on me being purely honest in my emotions and feelings??? I heard what you said...and you read between the lines.
But, put your glasses on first to make sure you caught my meaning!!!

Del's Talents at Work Again



If you've followed my blog over the years, you've seen some of Del's work.
He builds furniture as a hobby - and loves it.
This year, Kylie and Mike have been the recipients of much of Del's love.
Of course, when Preston was born, there was the changing table.
For Christmas, Del made Mike and Kylie a set of book shelves, the same that Del and Jordan made me several years ago. Mike and Kylie are buying a new home that they'll move into next month and so we thought it would be nice if they had some nice furniture to put in it.
So the first two pictures are the new bookshelves, minus the shelves in them, but the last one is mine, so you can see what they will look like. They come in a set of three - two tall ones and one shorter. And they are gorgeous.
I'm so impressed with Del's work; especially since I know the time and effort that goes in to the finished project. He made these bookshelves in just over 6 days...early morning to late evenings he spent outside in our garage, cutting, sanding and perfecting each piece of furniture. It's his therapy. And talent? Yes, he has talent to imagine and create what he makes and then puts just enough love into it that the beauty is enhanced in the final project. You can see it. You can touch it...you can feel every ounce of love he put into it...and then it's yours.
Thank you Del.

Before It's Over....



The year is coming to an end, but before it's over, I wanted to remember some of the joys and highlights it brought into my life. And the obvious first and most joyous was the addition of my grandson Preston Michael.
I had been told over and over through the years that being a grandma was way better than being a mother and for the obvious reasons of being able to spoil them, love them and still have the benefits of sending them back home to their parents to be raised.
All of that is true. But it's more than that....way more than that.
To watch my own daughter go through labor and then give birth to her own child was an experience I hope never to forget. And to know that even though not my own child, that newborn baby is still part of me - carries my blood line and my genes...I have had some influence, no matter how small, on the genetic make up and characteristics of that child.
But one of the biggest joys of having Preston here with us is the calming and peaceful ambiance he has brought into not just my life, but the life of my husband.
Del is a new man. I knew he would be a remarkable grandpa because of how he was as a father. There is no better. But Del now appears to have a reason to live. He has more energy - he has more spark in his eye, he has more joy. It's as if Preston's life gave Del life.
Del adores Preston - finds any and every reason to see him, babysit him, be with him...it's cute that on any given day when I know Del should be coming home from work, that he is instead, stopping off on his way home to see his grandson...to get, what we have affectionately called, his 'Preston fix'. Del will come home a much more renewed and vitalized man after spending this short moment with Preston.
So, my greatest blessing for the year of 2010 and what I give most thanks for is...
Preston Michael Crump

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

As the Year Comes to a Close

Well, for some reason, I wasn't able to download any of the pictures I tried to post. So i will try to put some in tomorrow.
Yah, I know - it's been an inexcusable amount of time since my last post. And what's the worst part about the explanation...? I can't give one. I mean, there's an explanation...I just can't give it. If I've learned anything over the past two months, it is that although my blog is a very personal and emotional record of my comings and goings, it is also read by a lot of people. And I have learned from my mistakes...so, I will continue to try and share most of what is happening in my life but do a much better job of protecting the innocent people involved.
The beginning of November found me unemployed - both by choice and fired...But since it was the first time in over 15 years that I was without work, I decided to go ahead and take the rest of the year off and I don't plan on going back to work until after Jordan and Lexi's wedding in late January. I have LOVED not working...not being lazy, just not working for a paycheck. It has given me quite a bit of time to reconnect with my life - my past, my present and my future. My past has come back to haunt me - but in a good way. I just have to try and live each day as it comes and goes...not making any sense to anyone but myself...
I'm here again though to mostly wrap up 2010...and prepare myself for the new year of 2011 in just a few days.
With Del...
He has continued to work 14-18 hour days until these last two weeks of the year where he has mandated holiday vacation. And he needs it. His MS continues to worsen - and he continues to keep his complaints to himself. He teaches the 16-18 yr. olds in Sunday School and remains the faithful home teacher. He is hoping for some big changes in the coming year in his employment...what? I don't know - well, I do, but can't say until it happens.. But he deserves it if and when it comes.
Jordan completed a very successful semester up at BYU Idaho and now has just 2 weeks until he and Lexi will be married. He's been working 2 jobs trying to save money - did not come home for Thanksgiving or Christmas and I have missed him terribly. This cutting the apron strings is painful and I'm having a much harder time than I ever expected. But he's happy and loves Lexi.
Kylie is loving being a mommy. Of course, these first few months with Preston have been heaven and he's been the perfect baby. She and mike have adjusted to parenthood with the greatest of ease. Preston is growing like a weed and has brought so much joy to the whole family. He smiles and has started to find his voice and emotions. The few times we have been able to babysit have been some of our happiest.
Kathryn has been a roller coaster...both joys and sorrows - none to be shared. She is the one I need to most be careful of sharing her life in this blog but she is the one with the most going on. There are good and bad days...and when she turns 18 in two weeks, it will be interesting to see what she decides to do in her life. I love her through it all though...and even though there are those who fail to understand either her heart or her head, I understand them both and try to give her the necessary love and support she so desperately needs.
Then me??? I won't even start to explain my life since November 1st. I have successfully started my last diet - lost 16 pounds so far with only at least 40 more still to go. These past two months have been the happiest and most emotional days of my life - only I would understand why...a combination of my past, my present and my future. There will be a lot happening in this next year for me personally...and I am trying to spiritually, mentally and physically prepare for every part of it. I don't want to make any mistakes so I am trying desperately to make sure each step is thought out carefully and with a clear head. Sometime it is easier than others and most certainly harder to do than most other times in my life. But my motto has become 'my life is what it is' and I make no more excuses for who I am or what I'm trying to accomplish and become.
Tomorrow I will post pictures and a few more details of some past events...
will try to wrap it all up by the end of Friday night...New years Eve...

Saturday, December 4, 2010

At a Loss for Words

The past 5 weeks have been the most difficult for me.
And I can't even write about it...
personal - so very personal..
The Book - The Shell Seekers - Richard and Penelope
I can't write more right now.
M