About 8 years ago, a new family from California moved into our ward. The first time I met them was at a big family barbeque at Dylan and Leslie Pond's home. All families in the ward had been invited. I was walking past a circle of friends mingling when Dylan pulled me over and introduced me to the husband of the family. His name was Brett Stewart. Short, was my first thought. Like the Packards. Then I watched how animated he was in his words, his actions and his expressions. We were talking BYU football within minutes. Then Dylan mentioned that I was musical, of which Brett replied 'that information is now noted in here', pointing to the side of his brain. His wife, Mindy, joined us after a moment, and the conversation of being from California, BYU fans' and her father was a dentist also kept us conversing for well over an hour. Del had also joined the discussion and was introduced to the Stewarts as the Ward Bishop. By the end of the evening, I felt that the complete spectrum of conversation had been covered by the group and left all of us with the desire to learn more about each other. I did catch that at the time, they had 5 children -
My sister Elaine, had been singing in a choir that had been established two years before, here in Dallas. It was called MCO - or Millennial Choirs and Orchestra. She loved it, and had been trying to get me to join for months. I had put it off, really not interested I guess, because I just didn't know enough about it and nothing had really attracted my desires to join. When she mentioned to me the name of the conductor, Brett Stewart, I was stunned to relay to her that they had just moved into our ward. She was so excited, having so much to say about the Choir and it's conductor. She could NOT share enough of her admiration for Brett and literally sang his praises for days. I was now desiring to know more.
A few weeks later, I learned that Brett and Mindy were building a new home just down the street and around the corner from us - on about 17 acres. in the meantime, they would be renting a home until the house was finished. We would casually run into each other at church, I would take bread over, cookies over - vegetables from our garden - I kind of just jumped on this desperate need to make them part of my life. I sat behind their family several times in church, while Del was on the stand as Bishop. I would notice Brett turn his head to the side as I would sing the congregational hymns. A few times, I would lower my volume so as to barely be heard, other times, I wouldn't notice his turned head until too late, when I would see him smile. Okay - so he knew I could sing.
I was the Primary chorister at the time, and often, because of their children, they were asked to substitute in Primary. There was no hiding my singing then - but it was then that I learned I wasn't the only one with a good voice. His voice was AWESOME!!! I thought tenor at first, and he could have easily pulled that off, but he would sing baritone more often than not. He also played the piano - unbelievably well - So, I was gradually developing a HUGE level of AWE and ADMIRATION for his musical talents. And his family was talented too. They sang as a family in church, sang in special programs and it became very obvious that music was their entire lives.
That made sense. His profession was being the MCO choir director here in Texas. Come to find out, they started the MCO choir in California, where they were from. Apparently, my niece Ann Marie and her sons, had, or were, part of the choir there. Then, after California, they stated the choir in Arizona, of which brother Brandon was the conductor. Texas had been the new spot to open, and it was Brett who chose to move here and open up the Dallas division - thus being called DMCO. And they had been here two years, with Brett going back and forth from California, and finally just decided to move here.
Both Brett and Brandon had been trained by the best at BYU and Julliard - but I didn't know to the extent except Mack Wilburg, conductor of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, of which Rachel was a member, was one of their mentors. Brett was impressed with the news that both my sister and cousin were members of the MTC.
We became friends with the Stewarts over the following years - always with me feeling slightly too much in awe of Brett and REAALY quite intimidated by his musical talent. But I continued to smother their family with tokens of love and friendship. It was like I sooo desperately wanted them to like us, not realizing they already did. They were always so kind and adoring of us too. They loved Del as Bishop. We never really did anything private with them outside of church, except have a few ice cream parties nd barbeques at our house that they would always come too. But we were never one on one with them. They seemed to do that with some other families in the ward though. I realized it was mostly because they found other families with children easier to socialize with.
Finally, about 6 years ago, I decided I would join the MCO. It had been, over the years, kind of a 'given' that Packard's were usually the best singers in the room. But there were a lot of new singers in the church and more and more of the young adults and youth in the church were able to sing really well. I had kind of stepped back from singing in church a lot, and funerals and weddings etc...It had almost been us doing the singing of special musical numbers etc..but it was tapering off the older I got. And now, being in my mid 50's, my voice was not really prime anymore. Although, I could still sing.
I asked Brett one Sunday, what the process was for trying out for the choir. His eyes lit up like fire crackers! I was glad. He told me I would have to try out at a designated place and it would be just in front of him. My chest tightened , my throat closed and I could barely squeak out a 'but you've already heard me sing!!' He said it had to be official and everyone has to follow the same process. I was petrified!!!
It was as if I could not function the day of try outs. I felt like I was back in middle school trying out for the school choir, BUT WORSE. I knew how to sing. I was not educated TECHNICALLY to singing, but I could read music and I could carry a tune. I arrived at my designated time and Brett took me into the choral room where he went to the piano. I stood like a stone statue. He motioned me to come over by the piano. He kind of giggled and finally said, 'Marlys what is wrong with you?' I told him I was scared spitless! He laughed. Then guided me into singing some scales - singing the soprano line of America the Beautiful - then asked me to sing the alto line of the same song ACapella. I thought I would die. But when I was done, he smiled and said, 'did you really think you wouldn't make it?' I didn't know. He continued with , 'Marlys, you have a gorgeous voice!' I was shaking too hard to believe him. After finally relaxing, he gave me all the details of the choir, rehearsals, and telling me I was going to be an Alto 2 - the lowest of the female voices. Then we were done. I was a member of MCO. I called Elaine on the way home and she was beyond excited with the news. Choir Twinkies.
It didn't take more than two minutes into the first rehearsal , that I was NOT one of the better voices in the room. I was only ONE of the voices in the room. It was UNBELIEVABLE standing in the Alto 2 section, which stands right next to the first tenors. OMGOSH!!! I had never heard such beautiful tenor voices. I spent half my time standing there with my jaw to the floor realizing the talent that was in that room and wondering what in the heck was I doing there?? My confidence flew out the window the minute the women standing around me began to sing. I tried to keep up. Brett gave me no special recognition or heads up that he even knew I was there. I was just a choir member. So I dug my feet in and started following the lead of the other singers. By the end of our rehearsal, I was exhausted. I had never sung like that before. I had truly given my best. And it followed that pattern week and after week while learning the songs. Brett would share stories during rehearsal, some that already knew from our personal relationship, but then he would share musical techniques, instructions on vowels, wording, tone, etc etc...I tried to follow all he said. Then one week, he said he was going to do 'voicing' the following week. The veterans of the choir let out moans. I asked my neighboring Alto 2's what 'Voicing' was. It's when Brett takes a section, like the alto 2's, puts them in front of the rest of the choir, and makes each member sing a line of the song solo. Then will randomly add a second voice to the singing - take one voice out, put another voice in, place another person next to the first person, have them sing together, UNTIL he came, to what he would call - the CORE. The core is a group of 6-8 women that he wants the rest of the section to sound like when they sing. Not too bright, not too dark - but right in the middle - the core. Rachel was in the core of the MTC - I sounded like Rachel. I was placed in the middle of the core. Elaine said that not many get placed in the core right at the beginning. She was proud of me. I thanked her after I could finally breathe from the experience.
My first semester was in preparation for the Christmas program. The songs were originals, written and composed by either Brett or Brandon. Some were Mack Wilburg songs and they were all gorgeous. I could tell which ones Brett wrote and which one's Brandon wrote. Brett's music always resolved itself beautifully. Brandon's was more intense - dark - even ominous. When I asked Brett about it, he said that as children, "Brandon was thrown in the closet a lot" as a joke. I would come to learn later, that Brandon did have a few more demons he wrestled with than the others.
Christmas program was HUGE for me. I did great with only slight bouts of anxiety or stress. But the whole concert was beyond anything I could have imagined. I felt the spirit, I suppressed a few tears and accepted a whole bunch of hugs and congratulations at the end of it.
Only a few weeks break before it was time to start rehearsals for the Spring concert. Rehearsals were much the same - intense, emotional, stressful - beautiful music again - REALLY beautiful songs - and a guest artist, Jenny Oaks Baker, a world renown violinist and daughter of one of the apostles. I would have to say, that it was in this semester, that I was continually feeling the spirit in overwhelming doses - each week as we practiced, each time I tried to memorize all the songs - and then rehearsals with the orchestra. When it came the weekend of the concert and we rehearsed with Jenny Oaks Baker, I sobbed through the whole practice. The concert was almost the same. I did cry - several times, but was still able to sing like never before. But when it was over, my whole body was exhausted from the depth of feeling I had received from the spirit. I cried for days.
I sang again in the following Christmas program, but because of the difficulty of some of the songs and the memorizing of foreign lyrics, I also had the most stress I had ever felt. It was paralyzing for me. That didn't manifest itself fully until the Spring concert when my stress and panic sent me into a full functioning anxiety and panic attack . I wasn't able to perform, but had to sit on the outside the concert in a private room. That experience had me leave MCO for the following semester.
I wanted to explain to Brett, but I couldn't. I had learned that Brett NEVER asked anyone to join the choir or ask why we left the choir. But I left for that following semester. Sadly, I felt so relieved to not experience fear, anxiety and stress, that I chose to stay out the following semester also. It wasn't until the next Christmas concert that I decided to rejoin. It was a FUN concert for me because I decided that if I didn't have every word memorized, or knew every song, the choir wasn't going to fall apart because of me. The songs were the best - and I enjoyed the concert probably more than any other one I had been. I felt it was a good note to leave on, so I officially retired from the choir after the concert was over.
Over the past 2 years, I have attended the Spring and Christmas concerts when able. My relationship with Brett is good - mostly at church.
So that brings me to last weekend. It was the Spring concert. I've been off my meds and I'm an emotional wreck. The songs made me cry - and after the concert, they had a book on sale about the founding of MCO and the lives of both Brett and Brandon. I read the book in 2 days and cried through the whole thing. It told of these two brothers in a way that I now idolize them even more than I ever did. I feel so inadequate even knowing who they are. I sent Brett a text kind of explaining and apologizing for the past 6 years of not knowing how to express to him what awe and admiration I have for him without totally being weird about it. But his response was one that really touched me. He said that he felt when he first met me, that we were soul siblings and had a special relationship from the pre-existence. He felt bad that I had experienced anxiety and stress while in the choir and that he couldn't help. But we mutually agree that we have a special and unique relationship.
I am finally calm with my life and experiences with Brett and Mindy Stewart. I recognize and realize the feelings I have for them and their family and cherish it with all my heart. I also know that the work he and his brother are doing is divinely organized by our Heavenly Father and I completely support him and love him...I just can't sing for him anymore.
My voice is old now. I can't memorize worth a lick and I'm afraid my singing days are over. But that's okay. It's a new generation of singers - with even better voices and all the time in the world to be part of MCO. I'm just grateful for my time and now relationship with Brett and MCO.
PS. I know this seems like an abrupt ending to what could have even been much longer. But I was exhausted emotionally writing this. I am n ow happy and content with how my experience with MCO and Brett has panned out. I couldn't write anymore.
