When I get completely and totally overwhelmed with life and trials, I text my sister Elaine.
It's not often - and it's not always - but it is when it is.
Otherwise, I have been trying so much harder to keep private things private and trials and tribulations within the walls of my own home,,,,ie...off facebook and off my blog.
But today, I spilled to Elaine.
She's ALWAYS good for putting things into perspective, keeping me grounded and level headed and encouraged in times when things do not look encouraging.
Several text messages went back and forth, filled with good counsel, words full of empathy and support and reminders that we still need to carry on as wives, mothers, employee's, ward members, Bishop's wives, DUSTERS, neighbor and friend.. etc etc...
I needed the laugh...it was timely and effective..
'Sisters' are by far, the best.
Thanks for the laugh, Duster Moon.
I'm grateful that after some years, I have been forgiven of an unkindness I inflicted on a friend. But I almost allowed that gesture to become more than it should ever be and I am disappointed to realize how easily it was for me to even desire the friendship.
But things evolved into me once again, having the Lord bring to my awareness that friendship with this person is toxic - and can only destroy what I desire in life.
So, it's never to be...And I'm once again, good with that.
I'm grateful to be forgiven...it was a hard thing for this friend to do.
But friends, we will never be again.
I'm okay - even good.
What is the definition of a weed?
'That which sucks the life out of something else.'
Yesterday, a member of the high council gave a talk on the 'Proclamation of the Family' in Sacrament Meeting and focused on the marriage relationship, and asked each of us to consider what we are doing in our own marriages to cultivate love in our relationships and keep them alive and thriving. His suggestion was that we first, recognize and remove the weeds in our marriage. Sit down and take a look at our marriages and remove 'the useless', the excess or 'overgrowth,' glean that which is good from that which might destroy...and then weed it all out...leaving only that which will help our marriage to thrive and grow.
Then? Enjoy the Harvest.
This past week was a very difficult one for me.
I allowed some weeds in my marriage - not only allowed them, but I watered them, fertilized them and anticipated a full bloom of possible friendship. That won't make sense to anyone but me...but in realizing this and seeing the immediate affects it was having on me, the talk yesterday was a HUGE eye opener for me...and I ended my Sabbath Day by weeding my marriage garden...I pulled the weed, threw it in the garbage and realize that there are certain weeds in the garden of friendship that are toxic to the garden. They appear hopeful and beautiful in the beginning - but end up 'choking the life out of the good in the garden'. They kill it.
While at the temple on Friday, there was something said in the session that I have heard a hundred times, at least, but struck me differently this time...'thorns, thistles and noxious weeds.' For what purpose? They DO HAVE a purpose...but not a staying power. They are a lesson - to teach - to experience, but not for the eternities. No staying power - no contribution to the thrivings of a healthy and blooming marriage.
I love how it came together for me this week. A few moments of the stress, anxiety and confusion of the circumstances reminded me that I never want to feel like that again. I like how my life has come together now, and how my marriage has been 'nurtured, tended to and cared for' over the past few years by hands that are fully invested in the eternal welfare of this marriage garden.
No more weeds in this marriage. Yanked by their roots....replaced to never grow again.
As you know, I work for Dr. Anabella Henao-Aldrey. She's from Venezuela. I worked with Dr. Henao at our previous place of employment for almost 5 years and now, I have been with her for almost two months. I love her and we have always had such a perfect working relationship that has made it being her employee a pure pleasure.
But I must tell you; I go home with a headache and accent every day. But my Spanish is getting better and better all the time. I can understand almost a 100% of what is said, catching a word here or there that I don't quite understand. Today's word was 'arrugas'. As soon as it is said, and dr. see's me glance her way, she will always smile and say the word quickly in English, so I can learn it. I try to extend the same courtesy to her...she tends to say some of her words in 'Spanglish', which is a LAZY way to speak English. It's like someone thinking they can speak Spanish by adding 'ito' or 'a' or 'o' at the end of an English word - example: trying to make 'doctor-ito' a real word. Today, in conversation with a mother, I heard her say 'blockiendo'. I turned and scowled at her. She threw her hands up and said 'what? It's a word!!' I asked her 'for what?' 'It means to block'. Whatever. Lazy Spanish.
And...she gets her vowels all messed up. When she asks a patient to take a 'sit' instead of a 'seat' or my favorite, she asks for a 'sh*t of paper' instead of 'sheet of paper'. I told her she can't say that anymore. Her sons get so aggravated with her when they come home from school and she will pronounce 'dock' as 'duck' and 'duck' for 'duck' and she can't hear the difference. Yesterday, we were trying to come up with a flyer for a Halloween carnival we are having the last week of the month. I told her she needed to place a 'comma' after a certain word. When she told the printer to put a 'coma' after the word candy, I took the phone from her and told the printer we would not be giving any candy to the kids that would 'put them in a coma'. She still doesn't get it.
I try not to embarrass her in front of a patient EVER, but if I have to tell her one more time, to quit telling the parents of her patients that her family 'is going to the b*tch' next year, instead of the 'beach', I'm going to forbid her to share her vacation plans with anyone!
Yesterday's word was 'disfraz' - or costume.
By the end of the week, I'm hoping to know the words 'witch, broomstick, and toad', so I can threaten the Bishop with a 'spell' every time he gets snippy mouthed with me.
The older I've gotten, the less I ask 'Why?'
I just haven't needed to know the answers to a lot of things because my life's motto has become 'it is what it is.' And knowing the 'why' won't change anything in the present.
Si, I've quit asking 'why?'
Three years ago, I was fired from my job; the one and only time I have ever been fired from a job.
And it was life changing for me. I haven't talked about it much, if at all. It was painful, embarrassing and such a terrible experience that, at the time, I made the decision to never talk about it. It wasn't going to help to explain it to anyone, or try to make it different than what it was, so I remained silent. I did tell Del, my kids, and a nephew and his wife SOME of the story at one time, but held so much back and didn't give the full picture and found, that honestly? it was too burdensome to share. It finally just became a bad memory.
There was family involved. There were co-workers involved and there was Dr. Henao, my doctor at the time, involved. Only two co-workers and Dr. Henao remained in my life after that. The others, I put in their appropriate place, which was ' in my past'. Those still in my life, tried to find out details and tell what they knew, but I remained silent, only to listen to what I found to be mounds and mounds of untruths told, bad feelings expressed and the leaving of many many more employee's from the company. I had ended up the beginning of a spiraling collapse of part of this company and the eventual loss of what had been known as the Frisco office.
That was three years ago. There have been some moments when I have thought it would be nice to know 'why' the Lord had allowed certain things to happen - people to be hurt, lives to have been changed. But I didn't ask, allowing it to fester in me. I became very withdrawn, turned inwards and took it as a time to think mostly of myself. I started to lose weight. I focused on eating right and exercising to be physically more confident, but all for the wrong reasons. It was a rough time, to say the least.
But even then, I still never asked why, because a lot of answers were coming as I eventually turned things around, became re-focused with my husband and children and the life I knew I needed and wanted to live with them. I took the time of being unemployed to become a wife again; a mother again and trying to live closer to my Heavenly Father; of which I don't think ANY of that would have happened had I NOT been JOLTED into unemployment and a new world that caused me to re-focus. I was enjoying my weight loss with a husband who was finding joy in being around a 'new and improved' wife; my kids were taking advantage of a younger and healthier mother who had the energy to actually do things with them - be a grandma and fun again. I began to 'weed out' the excess in my life...the unnecessary - and that even included people that I had been giving too much of my energies and concerns to. I was pretty stripped down to no frills, no glitter, no excess, no unnecessary in my life.
Our Bliss Ortho Office had been invited to a huge luncheon along with other ortho professionals. I had no idea how many people would be there, but there were hundreds. I was a little overwhelmed at first, but then realized that from my previous years in the field, I was recognizing some familiar faces of co-workers. I feared it would be awkward as I approached a group of about 8 women, who, when they saw me, tried to cover their shocked looks with stumbling hello's and greetings. I was so calm though...actually felt peaceful. Most of them gave me hugs, expressed approval of my weight loss, said I looked GREAT and wanted to know..'WHAT HAPPENED??'
I had the chance...handed right to me...to set the record straight...to tell MY side of the truth. But why? Their opinions of me didn't matter. Them knowing what I knew wouldn't change anything - wouldn't matter. In no time at all, I was able to assess that all of those women were just as I had left them three years earlier; stuck in a job they each disliked, gossiping, groping for excitement from somewhere other than in their own lives - some heavier, most the same - ALL unhappy in their careers - and wanting someone else to make it better for them.
I didn't have to tell them anything as Dr. Henao approached and began telling them how she had 'snatched me away from a bank and finally had her heaven sent treatment coordinator back where she belonged with her'. I let Dr. Henao do the talking and I was so pleased that I didn't have to say a word - I didn't have to validate myself - I didn't have to 'be back' where all of them were still trying to survive. I wasn't one of them anymore.
I know that could possibly sound terrible. But, I have come so far in these three years that I truly am grateful that I am not 'back there', still in the life I was living three years ago. And I don't think it would have ever happened had I not been fired. I would have stayed there...probably for years, thinking how lucky I was to be there.
'Who I am today' is the 'why' of three years ago. Could it have happened another way? Of course. Could it have happened a BETTER way? Of course.
But...it is what it is. And I'm grateful Heavenly Father allowed me to know why. I didn't ask Him; I didn't even want to know. But He needed me to know I am still loved - I have progressed. I have grown. I have changed. I have moved on.
And life is, what it is.
Mike and Kylie's house went on the market Friday night at 6:00 p.m.
Saturday morning, they had a showing at 8:30 am and then another one again at 9:30 am.
One of those people, made an offer, Kylie counter offered, and within an hour, they had the home sold, for only $1000. less than what they were asking.
It was fast....really really fast.
And now, they have found an apartment to move into and they will be gone in two weeks.
That was fast...really really fast.
The bad and good of it all???
The Lord is on a really 'fast track' to answering prayers these days. If you're living your life right and doing all you can to keep the commandments and do what is right...your prayer seems to get moved to the 'fast lane'.
The bad part of it...it moves our sweet grandchildren right 'out of our reach' to be convenient. No seeing them in the hallway at church, or passing by the Bishop's office, or peeking in our sacrament meetings or just stopping by on our way somewhere. At least, that's what it will be for Del.
For me??? Yippee! They are moving literally 'down the street' from my new office here at work! It will take me two minutes to get to their apartment on my lunch hour; where I will spend a lot of my days!!!
'In the blink of an eye' they will be gone - and 'in the blink of an eye', I'll be able to see them 4 days a week for lunch. Always a bright side to everything.
Is she gorgeous, or what??!!
Lexi's birthday was Saturday, the 5th of October. I took her shopping the week before and boy, did we have fun. I got her probably 5-6 new shirts - pants, skirts and a dress for her birthday - all maternity!!! And she looks so good in all of them. Her regular clothes were starting to get a little tight on her, even though in the above picture, she doesn't look pregnant at all. But she is 20 weeks along, as of tomorrow. That's half way through her pregnancy!!!
In the above picture, her mom gave her the new shirt, the pants are from me and the scarf is from Jordan - all new birthday clothes. She is so cute pregnant! Kylie and Becky took Lexi out to dinner on her birthday night and then they went and goofed off at the mall. They are funny girls.. I'm glad they had a good time.
Happy Birthday sweet daughter!!
With Mike's new job, it takes him even longer to travel to work, which means gas is more expensive and the toll expense is enough that they have decided they need to move closer to Mike's work. A tough, but very necessary decision. They are wanting desperately to get out of debt and the only way they can do that is to sell. We are sad, but supportive of their good choices.
So, their house went on the market yesterday and just this morning, they have two showings, which mandated that Kylie take the kids out of the house for about a two hour period. Hence, the picture of the kids at the park at 8:30 in the morning. But they look happy enough, don't they??? We, meaning Del and I, will miss seeing them several times a week and every Sunday at church. This will be quite an adjustment, but one we will all make pleasantly. The good news is, they are looking to go into an apartment about 2 minutes from where I now work with Dr. Henao - that means I could actually see my little babies more often than I used to. I could go there every day for lunch if I wanted. But we'll see how it all turns out.
So, we pray that their home will sell soon and they can make this new move smoothly and quickly to get their feet back on the ground and get to know some new ward members and make some new friends.
Hooray for a new BLUE Cougar!!!
Jordan and Lexi announced they are having a baby boy, due February 26, 2014.
I am soooo excited for them and cant wait to have another grandson to carry on his father's blood line.
It's a good time to be thinking BLUE - Cougar blue!!!!