Sunday, October 28, 2012

Cutest Pinata EVER

It just doesn't get much better than this. 

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

'Sleeping Single in a King Sized Bed'

Now before you go getting any ridiculous thoughts, let me explain.
Del has been sick...for about a week now.  Started off as a cold, then to lungs, then to just head to toe not feeling good.  Has the coughing, can't breathe, blowing his nose trumpet style, clearing his know, the 'everything a wife hates' cold.  He's felt rotten, I know, but he also knows that all the symptoms that come with this terrible stuff is gross...
So, he has set up residence in the guest bedroom, which leaves me in our HUGE master suite sleeping alone in our HUGE California King sized bed....
...and I don't like it.
Our bed is ten years old and it's worn has divots...meaning, you can see my body imprint on the left side and Del's body imprint on the right side; the middle has a 'speed bump'.  I've been trying to sleep in the middle on the speed bump, but I keep rolling down the slope of one side or the other.  This has not been fun.
Funny what we become accustomed to after 30 years.
Del even stayed home from church Sunday...GEEZ, whens the last time THAT happened?!  Forever ago.  The only thing that has made this past week even half tolerable is the fact that we have just recently moved Kathryn's big t.v. into our I have at least been able to talk to someone during this lonely week.  Okay okay, so the talking I do is yelling at the football referee's, but at least it's something, and they don't talk back.  But I do miss the constant flow of Del's breathing and sometimes snoring, and I miss the feel of knowing his body is over on the other side of the bed.  I hate this vast open space and that if I rolled over, I would roll into nothing but more king sized bed.
At any other time, a king sized bed is just perfect.
But when you're alone...a twin would be all I would want.  Otherwise, the extra space is just a reminder that you're just that....all alone.
I'll sure be glad when my trumpet blowing, throat clearing, lung hacking husband is on the mend and will come back to bed....
....OUR bed.

Friday, October 19, 2012

So Much Energy for Such a Little Guy

Preston's other grandma, Mike's mom Linda, has Preston come spend the night at her place almost every weekend.  I don't know how she does it.  Yes, she is exhausted every Saturday or Sunday morning when Mike and Kylie go to pick him up, but I am starting to understand just how exhausted she is.
There are THREE of, Kathryn and Del to entertain Preston.  And he has us running from the minute he gets here to the hopeful minute he goes to bed.  And he has only one speed - 100 mph.  I know and understand why the Lord wanted us to have our children in our young age...because us old folks run on 'fumes' after 8:00 at night!!! 
I will now say an extra prayer for Kylie every day and every night.

Flatlined - Part 4 Resolution

Today, being my day off, I actually slept in until 6:30 after a very restless night.  Not that I wasn't tired...I was exhausted.  I got home at 9:00 last night and went almost immediately to bed, only to have a very 'tossing and turning' 9 hours.
I had a headache..needed fresh air, so I took Lacey for a walk.  She had already been out for one walk with Del a few hours earlier but she was ready and wanting to go on another so off we went.  I was too slow for her.  The walk wasn't for exercise, it was for air.  It was to fill my lungs with clean, fresh, cool air.  I watched Lacey and noticed for the first time in months, that she was limping again on her back right leg.  It's arthritis.  I've had her off her meds for awhile now as she seemed to be doing really well but I guess her age is showing a little today.  It made me think.
Lacey is 63...compared to my 52.  She's considered a 'senior' when it comes to dog years.  While in that thought, I watched her running through the fields and yards up ahead of me and realized how much she just loves being alive and that even though she is having some discomforts, she is happy.  I could learn a few things from Lacey.
'Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful'.  And I don't have to FEEL or BE young anymore to love my life.  I just need to change my attitude and give myself a swift kick in the butt.  So, I did.
I came home from my walk and decided to take advantage of my day off.
Kathryn has been living here for almost 2 months and she's been living out of every room of the house.  So the minute she was up and out of bed, I enlisted her in the job of setting up 'her space'.  I switched everything from what I had as the guest bedroom, to the other bedroom and we made Kathryn's room, strictly hers.  It looks nice...and her bathroom is now removed of all my purple and green and it's now her black and teal.  it also looks really good.  Now the extra room, formerly known as our 'family room' with all pictures of the family and BYU is now also the guest bedroom.  It's crowded and full but it's still nice enough to serve it's purpose of giving warmth and welcome to any visitor.  Most importantly, everything has a place and is IN it's place.
Cleaned house, did laundry in our new washer and dryer and then took a short nap.  Had a fantastic conversation with Kathryn and Del about some interesting topics and then prepared for the arrival of our sweet Preston.  Yep, he's here for the night.  While I made homemade clam chowder, Kathryn and Del played with Preston outside, running around the yard and then playing out in the backyard forest.  Preston hated coming in but settled down when it was time to help Papa set up the new crib we have here at the house for when Preston stays.  Preston LOVED handing Papa the tools and jumping on the crib mattress.  Kathryn gave Preston a bath afterwards and now they are all in a full mode of throwing cushions and toys all over the front room.
I'm content - I'm never going to be young again.  I'm never going to feel as good as I did a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, or 10 years ago.  But I can enjoy how good I feel today and be grateful for another day.
'Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful'.
I just have a new definition of wonderful now.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Flatlined - Part 3

Mr. Lee Smith is a client of ours at the animal hospital.  He came in this morning.  What a sweet older man.  I'm going to guess that he is in his late 60's, maybe early 70's.  His wife is lovely and is wheel chair bound, so she does not come with him every time he brings his pets.  When I ask how she is, he always responds with an adoring loving remark about how well she is doing.  I think I have a crush on him.
He came to pick up a prescription for his dog today and had a short wait while it was being filled so we got to talking.  He is the epitome of my daddy four years ago...spunky, humorous, cute and entertaining.  He asked how I was enjoying our new house...did I have any trips planned, how was work going etc. I asked if he and his wife were planning any trips for the holidays...and that's where our main discussion went.
Del and I are becoming Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
We have found the place we are going to be settling in for the rest of our lives.
Our children live near us, so most likely, all of our holidays, vacations and special occasions will be held at one of our local homes...
I'm okay with all of this.  I really don't want or need to travel except to see my parents...AND, an occasional vacation with my children and get-aways with Del.
Otherwise...I want to just stay put...nest...retire.
I know and hope that I will have an occasional spurt of energy and or adrenalin rush and I'll want to go and explore some part of the world...but
There ya go...that just sums it up in one word.
MENOPAUSE!!!  That would explain everything, wouldn't it??  The mood swings, the emotional detachments from everyone and everything - the fatigue, the boredom, the hum drum - the FLATLINE.
I need meds.
I go next month to the doctor for my 'yearly' and I'm going to explain to him that he better fix this.
I need meds...something to bring me back to life.
I need a heartbeat.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Flatlined - Part 2

More thoughts on my thoughts.
My mood swings are getting worse - or at least, my highs and lows are getting more extreme.  I seem to be a little more subdued lately.  I guess that's not such a bad thing but it's just not something I am used to - or that others are used to.  I'm forever being asked if  I'm 'okay' and I'm realizing that actually means, 'Why aren't
 you your usual vibrant, over enthusiastic and bubbly self?'  I don't know why.  Too tired to have that much energy anymore?  I guess so.
At 6:30 a.m., on my way to work, I was trying to find the right word to describe my recent behavior.
PASSION - less.  I've lost my MO-JO.
I have no passion in my dreams or desires...nothing that brings me much EXCITEMENT.
Now, I don't want anyone to think that I'm not happy, because I am.  I'm just not like I used to be.  I feel just a little empty as compared to the overflowing amount of passion I used to live with.  I used to do everything with a huge amount of energy and enthusiasm.  Now, I don't.
Even football...even BYU sports...even life.
And I don't like that.  I don't like that by the time I get off from spending a 12 hour work day that I have no energy left to live.  Is this just me getting old????  I used to think that the friend I have, who spent 12 hours at work and then just came home and vegetated in front of the tv, had no life.  But that friend is now ME!!!! 
How do I find the energy to live life again???

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Flatlined - Part 1

I have no pulse.
No blood pressure...
No heartbeat...

I have been thinking about the past few years of my life and trying to figure out if there is a pattern...or if I can see the symptoms more clearly at certain times than others.
The only thing I have finally been able to conclude is that the symptoms are getting worse the older I get and that they are more frequent and troubling.
They are not just physical..emotional...spiritual or mental.  They are in all areas of my life.
I feel I am....flatlined.  Big empty spaces of nothing in my life.  I go for days, weeks, months and now years of being flatlined.  And I have no idea how to change it.
My biggest fear?  That this is the rest of my life.  Am I satisfied with it?  I don't think so.  I'm feeling like something is missing.  Something of ME is missing.
Am I destined to work an 8-5 job for the next 10 years just so I can pay the off the house earlier than most people pay off a car, go to work day in and day out and have no time for anything else?  No hobbies talents anymore...I don't even sing anymore.  I only write or blog about visits from Preston anymore because I don't have time to write about feelings...or emotions I'm no longer having.  I feel bland.  No name brand...generic....without definition.
And I'm tired.  Too tired to try and fix it...change it...or make it different.  My physical changes are becoming significant enough that my next 'yearly' exam next month will start to cover a few areas of my life that have been reserved so far for my 'retirement' years.  I shoulders, legs, feet and body.  I hurt more often that I 'don't' anymore.  I don't think I can, let alone WANT to work for 10 more years, but have I over committed to Del and this home at this stage in my life???? 
I guess I'm missing feeling young...being young...thinking and acting YOUNG. 
And speaking of thinking....
THAT'S not coming easily anymore either.  The sharpness of my thinking processes have...diminished.  I'm not quite as sharp. 
Feeling flatlined.
How many parts will there be to this post?
I'm afraid there will be many.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

It's All a Process

Preston looks over daddy's back to make sure he's playing the game right.

'Hiding daddy under the cushions' process begins.

At one point, Preston had literally 6 cushions piled on top of Mike.

Mike tries to sneak out.

After daddy escapes, Preston decides it's time for HIM to jump on cushions.

Preston jumps from couch to cushions...over and over again.

Moving from cushions to the stool..the process starts again.

Almost there...

THERE....TA - DA!!!!!

Rewards himself with  his drink.

Preston has a system in everything he does.  And he doesn't pass over's a ...process.  And he really thinks it out.  That's one thing I really love to watch about Preston.  He's like his Papa in that he thinks everything out...'processes' it before he does it.
Last night, he came over with his dad and mom and while they did grown up stuff, Preston 'processed'.  I just watched in amazement.  He's getting so big and he's starting to process more challenging things.  I guess he's growing up. 
I don't remember my own kids doing things as early as Preston tries to.  He's really quite brilliant, I'm pretty sure.  Kylie took him to the doctor for his 2 yr check  up the other day...He's OFF the charts as far as his height...they say that with Mike's height, Kylie's height and Preston's now, he should be about 6'6 when he is 18.  OH MY....give that kid a basketball and teach him how to shoot so he can make us some money!!!
I already think he's going to have so many talents coming out of his ears, he's not going to be able to have time to discover everything he's going to be good at.
But with his parents and grandparents being who they are, you can be assured we'll give him every possible opportunity to find out what this kid can do.!!!

Campfire - Girls Style

Papa loves to help Preston draw his shapes and letters

One of the best pictures of the two 'buddies'.

Nana always puts out a 'snack' for Preston to enjoy.

All bundled up to go outside.

Cute family picture


He looks soooo guilty of something.

This is how GIRLS start a fire!!!

Wheel barrel fun

Hotties by the fire.

Best smile EVER!!!

Like father son...

Angel face

cutest family ever

Mike and Kylie

Papa gets some wheel barrel fun too

Yup...he is her son.

Preston with Chica

Preston getting very little help pushing  that wheel barrel

a very successful fire.

Mike giving thanks
We're in October and FINALLY, the weather has cooled to where it actually feels like FALL.
My girls love Fall, especially Kylie.  She loves the whole bulky sweater, boots and hot chocolate thing going...So Sunday night, when she came over, and the weather was cooler and nice, she wanted us to all go outside and make a campfire.  Del had left for about an hour to go assist in giving a blessing to a sick child, so that left Kylie, Kathryn and Mike home to make a fire.  Mike is not into the whole 'Fall ambiance' thing that Kylie is in to, so he began his professing of the weather being too cold for them to go outside, especially too cold for Preston to go out.
OHHHH...Kylie was going to have NONE of that.  She and Kathryn were outside in no time flat, determined that we were all going to be enjoying a cozy campfire if it killed us.  Kathryn re-built the fire pit that had been taken down weeks earlier due to the digging up of our backyard dirt and both she and Kylie gathered enough twigs, wood and paper to attempt the makings of a great fire.  I have a very strong feeling that Mike got either the dreadful evil eye from Kylie or a death threat that he either pitch in and get excited about the whole romantic evening or he was going to be paying the consequences for his un-enthusiastic attitude once they got home...cuz he came in the house asking for 'fire starter'...
The can of hairspray was Kathryn's brilliant idea and certainly camera worthy, so I became the photographer for what turned out to be a really fun evening around the campfire.  Del was home shortly after Kylie and Kathryn had just started the first tiny flames of hope, so within minutes, he had it into a raging fire.  And you can see by the pictures, that it ended up being a really great night.

Life Changing Message

It was Elder Jeffrey Holland this time.
General Conference has always awarded me such an outpouring of the spirit - some talks more than others.  This past October Conference, it was Elder Hollands talk.  And it hit EVERYONE.  If you were to ask any member of the church which talk it was this conference that spoke to their heart the most, they would say Elder Hollands...IF they heard it.  Profound.  Life changing...Soul changing.
I will never be the same from it again.  Becoming a disciple of Christ and never looking back.  No more hot and more off and on....just be a disciple and never waiver moving forward. 
I will be forever changed.  I feel it to the marrow of my bones....
....and I'm so grateful.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Home Again...

The details are too complicated and the reasons are not important...
but Kathryn is back home living with us again.
Her apartment and roommate situation became, let's say, unbearable.  So, we have had her move back home with us.
Personally, I'm enjoying having her back, even though she is living out of two rooms, one bathroom and her car.  We've got to get her settled into one little place and get it organized and cleaned up.  But I'm glad she's home.  She is working full time and taking on line classes and seems to be progressing well in her goals.  I'm very proud of her...
She hates for me to write about her in my that is all that will be said for now.