Flatlined - Part 3

Mr. Lee Smith is a client of ours at the animal hospital.  He came in this morning.  What a sweet older man.  I'm going to guess that he is in his late 60's, maybe early 70's.  His wife is lovely and is wheel chair bound, so she does not come with him every time he brings his pets.  When I ask how she is, he always responds with an adoring loving remark about how well she is doing.  I think I have a crush on him.
He came to pick up a prescription for his dog today and had a short wait while it was being filled so we got to talking.  He is the epitome of my daddy four years ago...spunky, humorous, cute and entertaining.  He asked how I was enjoying our new house...did I have any trips planned, how was work going etc. I asked if he and his wife were planning any trips for the holidays...and that's where our main discussion went.
Del and I are becoming Mr. and Mrs. Smith.
We have found the place we are going to be settling in for the rest of our lives.
Our children live near us, so most likely, all of our holidays, vacations and special occasions will be held at one of our local homes...
I'm okay with all of this.  I really don't want or need to travel except to see my parents...AND, an occasional vacation with my children and get-aways with Del.
Otherwise...I want to just stay put...nest...retire.
I know and hope that I will have an occasional spurt of energy and or adrenalin rush and I'll want to go and explore some part of the world...but otherwise...no.
I THINK THIS IS MENOPAUSE!!!
There ya go...that just sums it up in one word.
MENOPAUSE!!!  That would explain everything, wouldn't it??  The mood swings, the emotional detachments from everyone and everything - the fatigue, the boredom, the hum drum - the FLATLINE.
I need meds.
I go next month to the doctor for my 'yearly' and I'm going to explain to him that he better fix this.
I need meds...something to bring me back to life.
I need a heartbeat.

Flatlined - Part 2

More thoughts on my thoughts.
My mood swings are getting worse - or at least, my highs and lows are getting more extreme.  I seem to be a little more subdued lately.  I guess that's not such a bad thing but it's just not something I am used to - or that others are used to.  I'm forever being asked if  I'm 'okay' and I'm realizing that actually means, 'Why aren't
 you your usual vibrant, over enthusiastic and bubbly self?'  I don't know why.  Too tired to have that much energy anymore?  I guess so.
At 6:30 a.m., on my way to work, I was trying to find the right word to describe my recent behavior.
PASSION - less.  I've lost my passion...my MO-JO.
I have no passion in my life...no goals...no dreams or desires...nothing that brings me much EXCITEMENT.
Now, I don't want anyone to think that I'm not happy, because I am.  I'm just not like I used to be.  I feel just a little empty as compared to the overflowing amount of passion I used to live with.  I used to do everything with a huge amount of energy and enthusiasm.  Now, I don't.
Even football...even BYU sports...even life.
And I don't like that.  I don't like that by the time I get off from spending a 12 hour work day that I have no energy left to live.  Is this just me getting old????  I used to think that the friend I have, who spent 12 hours at work and then just came home and vegetated in front of the tv, had no life.  But that friend is now ME!!!! 
How do I find the energy to live life again???

Flatlined - Part 1

I have no pulse.
No blood pressure...
No heartbeat...
Flatlined.

I have been thinking about the past few years of my life and trying to figure out if there is a pattern...or if I can see the symptoms more clearly at certain times than others.
The only thing I have finally been able to conclude is that the symptoms are getting worse the older I get and that they are more frequent and troubling.
They are not just physical..emotional...spiritual or mental.  They are in all areas of my life.
I feel I am....flatlined.  Big empty spaces of nothing in my life.  I go for days, weeks, months and now years of being flatlined.  And I have no idea how to change it.
My biggest fear?  That this is the rest of my life.  Am I satisfied with it?  I don't think so.  I'm feeling like something is missing.  Something of ME is missing.
Am I destined to work an 8-5 job for the next 10 years just so I can pay the bills...pay off the house earlier than most people pay off a car, go to work day in and day out and have no time for anything else?  No hobbies anymore...no talents anymore...I don't even sing anymore.  I only write or blog about visits from Preston anymore because I don't have time to write about feelings...or emotions I'm no longer having.  I feel bland.  No name brand...generic....without definition.
And I'm tired.  Too tired to try and fix it...change it...or make it different.  My physical changes are becoming significant enough that my next 'yearly' exam next month will start to cover a few areas of my life that have been reserved so far for my 'retirement' years.  I ache...my shoulders, legs, feet and body.  I hurt more often that I 'don't' anymore.  I don't think I can, let alone WANT to work for 10 more years, but have I over committed to Del and this home at this stage in my life???? 
I guess I'm missing feeling young...being young...thinking and acting YOUNG. 
And speaking of thinking....
THAT'S not coming easily anymore either.  The sharpness of my thinking processes have...diminished.  I'm not quite as sharp. 
Feeling flatlined.
How many parts will there be to this post?
I'm afraid there will be many.

It's All a Process

Preston looks over daddy's back to make sure he's playing the game right.

'Hiding daddy under the cushions' process begins.

At one point, Preston had literally 6 cushions piled on top of Mike.

Mike tries to sneak out.

After daddy escapes, Preston decides it's time for HIM to jump on cushions.

Preston jumps from couch to cushions...over and over again.

Moving from cushions to the stool..the process starts again.

Almost there...

THERE....TA - DA!!!!!

Rewards himself with  his drink.

Preston has a system in everything he does.  And he doesn't pass over steps...it's a ...process.  And he really thinks it out.  That's one thing I really love to watch about Preston.  He's like his Papa in that he thinks everything out...'processes' it before he does it.
Last night, he came over with his dad and mom and while they did grown up stuff, Preston 'processed'.  I just watched in amazement.  He's getting so big and he's starting to process more challenging things.  I guess he's growing up. 
I don't remember my own kids doing things as early as Preston tries to.  He's really quite brilliant, I'm pretty sure.  Kylie took him to the doctor for his 2 yr check  up the other day...He's OFF the charts as far as his height...they say that with Mike's height, Kylie's height and Preston's now, he should be about 6'6 when he is 18.  OH MY....give that kid a basketball and teach him how to shoot so he can make us some money!!!
I already think he's going to have so many talents coming out of his ears, he's not going to be able to have time to discover everything he's going to be good at.
But with his parents and grandparents being who they are, you can be assured we'll give him every possible opportunity to find out what this kid can do.!!!

Campfire - Girls Style

Papa loves to help Preston draw his shapes and letters

One of the best pictures of the two 'buddies'.

Nana always puts out a 'snack' for Preston to enjoy.

All bundled up to go outside.

Cute family picture

Sisters....

He looks soooo guilty of something.

This is how GIRLS start a fire!!!

Wheel barrel fun

Hotties by the fire.

Best smile EVER!!!

Like father ..like son...

Angel face

cutest family ever

Mike and Kylie

Papa gets some wheel barrel fun too

Yup...he is her son.

Preston with Chica

Preston getting very little help pushing  that wheel barrel

a very successful fire.

Mike giving thanks

We're in October and FINALLY, the weather has cooled to where it actually feels like FALL.
My girls love Fall, especially Kylie.  She loves the whole bulky sweater, boots and hot chocolate thing going...So Sunday night, when she came over, and the weather was cooler and nice, she wanted us to all go outside and make a campfire.  Del had left for about an hour to go assist in giving a blessing to a sick child, so that left Kylie, Kathryn and Mike home to make a fire.  Mike is not into the whole 'Fall ambiance' thing that Kylie is in to, so he began his professing of the weather being too cold for them to go outside, especially too cold for Preston to go out.
OHHHH...Kylie was going to have NONE of that.  She and Kathryn were outside in no time flat, determined that we were all going to be enjoying a cozy campfire if it killed us.  Kathryn re-built the fire pit that had been taken down weeks earlier due to the digging up of our backyard dirt and both she and Kylie gathered enough twigs, wood and paper to attempt the makings of a great fire.  I have a very strong feeling that Mike got either the dreadful evil eye from Kylie or a death threat that he either pitch in and get excited about the whole romantic evening or he was going to be paying the consequences for his un-enthusiastic attitude once they got home...cuz he came in the house asking for 'fire starter'...
The can of hairspray was Kathryn's brilliant idea and certainly camera worthy, so I became the photographer for what turned out to be a really fun evening around the campfire.  Del was home shortly after Kylie and Kathryn had just started the first tiny flames of hope, so within minutes, he had it into a raging fire.  And you can see by the pictures, that it ended up being a really great night.

Life Changing Message

It was Elder Jeffrey Holland this time.
General Conference has always awarded me such an outpouring of the spirit - some talks more than others.  This past October Conference, it was Elder Hollands talk.  And it hit EVERYONE.  If you were to ask any member of the church which talk it was this conference that spoke to their heart the most, they would say Elder Hollands...IF they heard it.  Profound.  Life changing...Soul changing.
I will never be the same from it again.  Becoming a disciple of Christ and never looking back.  No more hot and cold...no more off and on....just be a disciple and never waiver moving forward. 
I will be forever changed.  I feel it to the marrow of my bones....
....and I'm so grateful.

Home Again...

The details are too complicated and the reasons are not important...
but Kathryn is back home living with us again.
Her apartment and roommate situation became, let's say, unbearable.  So, we have had her move back home with us.
Personally, I'm enjoying having her back, even though she is living out of two rooms, one bathroom and her car.  We've got to get her settled into one little place and get it organized and cleaned up.  But I'm glad she's home.  She is working full time and taking on line classes and seems to be progressing well in her goals.  I'm very proud of her...
She hates for me to write about her in my blog...so that is all that will be said for now.